Wheel of MisFortune - June 28, 2010
7/1/10
WWCF Wheel of Misfortune, June 28th, 2010
"Wheel of Misfortune" by the Dropkick Murphys starts to play on the PA
Hoss - Welcome to Wheel of Misfortune!
King - Tonight, six of our seven matches will be decided by the spin of the wheel!
Hoss - We have four Championships on the line, plus some hot rivalries that will boil over!
King - It’s a virtual melting pot just waiting to explode and I can’t wait!
Neo Het V. The General of the Monkey Army
Gorilla Tim Hoss: And now it's time for our first match, WWCF Galaxy, let's join Michael Muffer...
Michael Muffer: And now, our first match of the evening!
*King Kong 2004 Theme*
The General of the Monkey Army enters with Tinkers in his arms and Bongo following behind him.
Jesse King: The General has had quite a rocky relationship with the new "Kawaii Desuperstar" Neo Het.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Please don't say that again, King.
Michael Muffer: Now entering the ring, hailing from Lansing, MI, weighing in at 225lbs, he is The General of the Monkey Army!
The General crosses the ropes and stands in his corner.
*Boy's Don't Cry - The Cure*
Jesse King: You know, I'm really not sure what to make of this Neo Het, but he's made waves from the beginning.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Some say that he'll go far in this company.
Michael Muffer: Now entering the ring, hailing from Hot Topic, and weighing in at 266lbs, he is your... "kuh-why-ee dess-soo" Superstar, Neo Het!
Neo Het appears in a puff of smoke with a calico kitten in his hands which he loving pets. Tinkers grabs The General and forces a smooch out of him.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Neo Het was raised by hobbits and is the vampire son of wizards. He's apparently one magical guy.
Jesse King: I think that I prefer the cold efficiency of The General.
Michael Muffer: And now, Fred G Neric will spin the Wheel... of... Misfortune!
Fred G. Neric appears on the Craptron with a wheel next to him.
Fred G. Neric: That's right, WWCF Galaxy. I, Fred G. Neric, will spin this wheel to determine the stipulations of the match. Michael Muffer will explain the rules of the match after it has been determined. Here we go.
Fred G. Neric spins the wheel. The General crosses his arms while Neo Het hands off the calico kitten to a little girl in the audience.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: What will it be for Neo Heta and The General? I'm hoping for a Submission match myself.
The Wheel of Misfortune keeps spinning but it begins to slow down.
Jesse King: Nah, The General in a Submission match? I say First Blood.
The Wheel of Misfortune passes First Blood, it passes Last Man Standing, it passes Submission... it passes Lumberjack... it passes Ladder... and it lands on... General Hospital Supermarket Brawl.
Fred G. Neric: Well there you have it, WWCF Galaxy, this match is going to be a General Hospital Supermarket Brawl! Take it away, Muffer!
Michael Muffer: The match will be a General Hospital Supermarket Brawl!
The audience has mixed reactions.
Jesse King: The heck kinda match is this?
Michael Muffer: In this match, the contestants will compete in a supermarket, where any and all items are legal weapons. At the front of the store is a stretcher, in which the opponents must battle to put their opponent onto the stretcher, load it into the ambulance, and drive it to the hospital!
A graphic appears on the Craptron explaining the rules.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Well that's... different.
Jesse King: But they're not at the supermarket yet!
Michael Muffer: The General of the Monkey Army and Neo Het will now be driven to the local Kroger!
The General looks at Neo Het, and they along with Bongo and Tinkers head out of the arena.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: I guess that we'll be checking in on this match later, King.
Jesse King: Oughta be really exciting when they get there, TH. My money's on The General.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: I'm going for Neo Het. I don't think that we have truly seen the extent of his abilities yet.
He’s had the entire WWCF Galaxy talking.
It could be anybody.
Who is he?
A Legend returns…
Tonight.
Hoss: Who is this returning legend, Jess?!
I dunno Gorilla, but apparently we’re gonna find out tonight!
WWCF Hardcore Championship: The Smokin’ Vokoun V. Headbanger Man
Tim Hoss: Before we go to the Hardcore Title match, lets go to Fred G. Neric, who is at the WHEEL.OF.MISFORTUNE!!!! Gosh, I like doing that.
Fred G.Neric: Well Gorilla, I'm here backstage at the Wheel of Misfortune. Along with the current WWCF Hardcore Champion, Smokin Vokoun. Smokie, before I spin the wheel, do you have any final thoughts on Headbanger?
Smokin Vokoun: Fred....I DON'T HAVE ANY THOUGHTS AT THE MOMENT!!! THIS IS HARDCORE WRESTLING, YOU DON'T HAVE TO THINK!!! All I need to think about is beating someone up...AND THAT PERSON IS YOU HEADBANGER MAN!!! I know your shaking in your snake skin boots, hoping to God that you can get out of this match alive. You say your gonna show me how hardcore you are? Well I'm the King of Hardcore in the WWCF. I'M THE KING AND LORD OF THE HARDCORE DIVISON!!!! You are gonna find that out tonight. All my freaks in the crowd will GET WHAT THEY WANT WHILE I KILL YOU IN COLD BLOOD!!!!!
- Fred nods and walks to the wheel. He spins the wheel and it spins fast. As it slows down, we see Vokoun glaring at the wheel. The wheel stops and Fred goes to look at it. Fred is stunned by the match while Vokoun has a sick smirk on his face.
Fred G.Neric: Ladies and gentleman....it looks like this Hardcore match will be a.......INFERNO TLC HELL IN A CELL DEATHMATCH!!!!!!!!! BACK TO YOU GORILLA.
Hoss: Oh.....my.....god. King, I'm actually scared for both men. This can NOT end well.
King: Well, I know Headbanger may not like it. But by looking at Vokoun's face, he's gonna love this match.
INFERNO TLC HELL IN THE CELL DEATHMATCH
WWCF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP
The Smokin Vokoun vs The Headbanger Man
Michael Muffer: Ladies and gentleman the following contest is set for one fall....is for the WWCF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP.....AND IT IS A INFERNO TLC HELL IN THE CELL DEATHMATCH.!!!!
Crowd pops huge for this.
Muffer: The rules are simple. The ring will be surrounded by a steel cell. Along ringside, there will be tables, ladders and chairs set up along the ringside area. At atop the cell there is a blowtorch attached. The first man who can climb the ladder and grab the blowtorch CAN USE IT TO SET HIS OPPONENT ON FIRE TO WIN THE MATCH!!! THEREFOR HE WILL BECOME THE WWCF HARDCORE CHAMPION!!!!!!
*Saints of Los Angeles by Motley Crue*
Muffer: Introducing first.....representing the Heavy Metal Hollywood....from Kent, Englad....weighing in 263 pounds....he is one half of the WWCF World Tag Team Champions....THE HEADBANGER MAN.
- The Headbanger Man comes out to a chorus of HUGE boos and chants of "Smokies Gonna Kill You". He yells at fans for booing him. He walks to the ring with caution. It is clear that he is really nervous. He gets in the ring and starts jawing with Muffer.
Muffer: And his opponent.....
*Sinnerman by Nina Simone*
Muffer: Representing The Family....from Chicago, IL....weighing in at 280 pounds....he is the WWCF HARDCORE CHAMPION.....SMOKIN VOKOUN!!!!!!
- Smokie walks out to a HUGE pop. He doesn't scream or glare at the fans, he's only staring at Headbanger Man. He gets in the ring and scares Headbanger out of the ring.
Hoss: Well King, this is put up or shutup time for Headbanger. I'm actually scared for both men here. If any of you out there watching are afraid of blood...then please don't watch.
King: But if you love matches like this....THEN HELL YEAH YOU BETTER WATCH IT...BECAUSE IT'S GONNA BE AWESOME.
-The cell is slowly coming down. Headbanger is looking all around looking real nervous. The crowd keeps chanting "Smokies Gonna Kill you" "Smokies Gonna Kill You". Headbanger can't take it anymore and runs out of the ring. Vokoun starts to follow him, but Headbanger just runs. He gets to the enterance until Vokoun grabs Headbanger from behind and drags him back to the ring. The steel cage surrounds the entire ringside area. The bell rings.
Hoss: Looks like Headbanger isn't gonna run away like he did a few months ago. HBM has to fight this battle in order to become the Hardcore Champ.
- Headbanger tries get away from Vokoun, be he has no where to go. So he goes under the ring and picks up a lead pipe. Vokoun goes under the ring and gets a barbwire baseball bat. The two men slowly get into the ring with their weapons.
King: I'm guessing these men are gonna duel it out. I like some good man to man combat. .
- The two men circle the ring stare at each other. The two men then start yelling at the each and they both run towards each other. The two men are using there weapons like swords and dueling it out. They fight back and forth until Vokoun is able to knock HBM's lead pipe out of his hands, and he hits HBM with the barbwire bat. HBM keeps getting up, but Vokoun keeps knocking him down.
- Vokoun then drops his weapon and charges at Headbanger and hits the Hangman Clothesline and both men go out of the ring. VOkoun gets to his feet first and picks up HBM. He picks him up and throws him head first into the cage. Vokoun then grabs HBM's head and grinds it into the steel mesh. HMB collapses and Vokoun rears back, charges, and KNEES HBM'S HEAD. Headbanger has been BUSTED WIDE OPEN.
- Vokoun grabs the steel steps and starts pounding it on HBM's back. Headbanger is really in pain. Vokoun goes under the ring and gets a Ladder. He slides it into the ring. Vokoun sets up the Ladder while Headbanger recovers. Vokoun starts climbing the ladder to get the blowtorch, but Headbanger gets on the top rope and uses a Flying Clothesline to knock Smokie and the Ladder down.
- Headbanger picks up the ladder and starts pounding Vokoun on the back with it. He lets Smokie get to his feet and then hits Vokoun's ribs with the ladder. Vokoun writes in pain as Headbanger laughs. Vokoun gets up again and HBM then hits Vokoun in the head with the ladder. The impact shoots Vokoun out of the ring. Headbanger then sets up the ladder and gets ready to climb.
-While HMB is climbing, Vokoun finds his barbwire bat and climbs back into the ring, via climbing the turnbuckles. Vokoun gets the tope rope, while Headbanger is near the blowtorch. Smokie flies of the top rope and hits Headbanger on the back with the bat and falls off the ladder.
- Headbanger is lying on the mat and Vokoun has the bat. He then RIPS OFF THE BARBWIRE AND WRAPS IT AROUND HIS KNUCKLES. He lays in some fist drops right into Headbanger's head, making him bleed even more.The blood is just poaring from HBM's head. Vokoun sees this and starts biting Headbanger's bloody forehead. Smokie spits out the blood just for show and the crowd loves it.
Hoss: As much as I admire Smokie's courage and toughness....I will never get over how blood thirsty he is.
King: Don't worry Gorilla, pretty soon Headbanger will prove just how blood thirsty HE is.
- Vokoun picks up a dazed HBM and shoots him into the ropes and then drop toe holds him FACE FIRST ON THE LADDER!!! Headbanger is really taking a beating. Vokoun starts screaming at the top of his lungs. He throws Headbanger out of the ring. He goes to set up the ladder. Headbanger Man goes under the ring and gets a table. Vokoun is starting to climb the ladder. HBM sets up the table and then slowly gets into the ring without Vokoun knowing. Vokoun is almost to the top but Headbanger gets back to the apron jumps and hits the Springboard dropkick on the ladder, knocking it and Vokoun down. With HBM dazed from the fall, Vokoun gets up angry and starts pummling HBM somemore. Vokoun then shoots Headbanger into the corner. He is going for the Smoke Bomb. He gets to the top rope and picks up Headbanger. He is about to hit the Smoke Bomb, but Headbanger hits Smokie with an elbow. He changes directions and hits THE BLAST BEAT BOMB OF THE TOP ROPE ONTO THE TABLE ON THE OUTSIDE!!!!!
Hoss: OH MY GOD, THAT WAS A REAL SMART MOVE ON HEADBANGER'S PART!!! THAT WAS INCREDIBLE!!!!.
King: The smartest man is gonna win this match, and that man is Headbanger.
- Vokoun is layed out from the table shot. HMB, picks up Vokoun throws him face first into the cage. Vokoun is laying there in a heap. HBM picks up a steel chair and CRACKS Smokie's head WITH A REALLY LOUD SHOT, sandwhiching him between the steel chair and the steel cage. Vokoun is BUSTED WIDE OPEN. HBM just laughs and evil laugh and HITS HIM AGAIN!!!! Vokoun slumps to the crowd and isn't moving.
Hoss: SMOKIN VOKOUN COULD BE DEAD AFTER THAT. HE'S NOT MOVING AND BARELY BREATHING!!!
King: It's about time....he was starting to bore me.
-HBM takes Vokoun's bloody hand and takes off the barbwire. He then WRAPS THE BARBWIRE AROUND VOKOUN'S NECK AND STARTS TO CHOKE!!!
Hoss: I realize this is a hardcore match, but Headbanger is trying to kill VOkoun with that barbwire!!! THIS
SHOULD BE STOPPED!!!!
-Headbanger drops Vokoun. Vokoun's neck is bleeding. HBM then gets in the ring, grabs the ladder and then slides it out of the ring. Vokoun is trying to hold himself up by grabbing on to the steel mesh. HBM squares up the helpless Vokoun and rams the ladder into his ribs. Vokoun is now coughing up blood.
Hoss: IS THERE ANYONE IN THE BACK WHO GIVES A DAMN TO STOP THIS MATCH, THE MAN IS BLEEDING INTERNALLY!!!
King: I'm about to agree with you, I don't really want to see a man really die in the ring.
-HBM starts laughing as the crowd boos him loudly. He kicks Vokoun in the ribs as Smokie coughs up some more blood. Headbanger then grabs the ladder and shoots it back into the ring. Vokoun is trying his best to crawl to the ring. Headbanger is setting up the ladder and starting to climb. Vokoun is slowly getting back into the ring. Headbanger sees Vokoun getting into the ring and is shocked.
King: I got to say this Gorilla, I'm so so shocked that Vokoun is able to even move after all that punishment.
Hoss: I think it's impossible to kill this man,no matter what.
-Headbanger gets off the ladder and kicks Vokoun in the head. He then quickly leaves the ring and grabs a steel chair. He slides it in the ring and CRACKS IT OVER VOKOU'S HEAD HARD!!! He then drops it and picks up Vokoun and hits THE HOLY DRIVER ON THE STEEL CHAIR. Vokoun is now motionless and Headbanger is free to climb the ladder.
Hoss: Pretty soon, this will end. Unfortunetly for Vokoun's "Freaks"....it won't end with Vokoun retain the WWCF Hardcore Title.
King: Well Headbanger better not waste anymore time, Vokoun loves to play Michael Myers.
- HBM starts climbing the ladder. Vokoun starts to recover a little bit, looks up and sees Headbanger climbin up the ladder for the blowtorch. He grabs on the ladder to hold himself up AND THEN STARTS CLIMBING!!!!
King: SEE I TOLD YOU!!! Headbanger was too slow getting up the ladder. He better hurry!!!
-Headbanger sees him and waits for him to climb up to meet him. The two men slowly start throwing punches at eachother. Vokoun rakes HBM's eyes gets to the top and picks up Headbanger...AND HITS A SAMOAN DROP OFF THE LADDER!!!!!!! Both men are laying face first on the mat.
Hoss: Ladies and gentleman, my jaw has literally dropped. Smokin Vokoun has comeback once again!! There is no stopping him!!!
King: Don't sell Headbanger short, he's been nothing short of amazing tonight as well.
-Vokoun is the first one up. He screams at the top of his lungs. He starts climbing up the ladder once again. Headbanger sees him and starts climbing as well. However, Vokoun gets to the top first and GRABS THE BLOWTORCH!!!!
Hoss: Oh no....this doesn't look good for Headbanger.
King: RUUUUUUUUUN HEADBANGER!!!!!!!
-Headbanger purposely falls of the ladder and sees Vokoun with a sick grin on his face. The crowd explodes and chants once again, "SMOKIES GONNA KILL YOU" "SMOKIE'S GONNA KILL YOU!!!!" Vokoun jumps down from the ladder and screams at Headbanger. Headbanger is running around the ring and Vokoun is giving chase. HBM see's the door and runs towards it, jumps on it and the door opens.
Hoss: Wait a minute, I thought the door would be locked. I guess Lloyd McFloyd forgot to lock the door.
King: I don't blame him, he probably isn't paid enough.
-Headbanger escapes the cell as Smokie is following him the blowtorch. Headbanger tries to find something that will protect him. He finds a steel chair and then starts climbing up the steel mesh to the top of the cell.
Hoss: Desperate men do desperate things, King. Headbanger knows that he's in a life or death situation and he needs to stay away from being set on fire.
-Vokoun stares up at Headbanger who made it to the top of the cell. Vokoun starts climbing up to get him. He holds the blowtorch in his teeth as he climbs. When he gets up there he is met with a stiff chair shot to the head. Both men are on the top of the cell Then actually pulls up the dazed Vokoun and takes the blowtorch. Headbanger drops the blowtorch hits some more stiff chair shots to Vokoun's skull. Vokoun drops face first on the cell. HBM drops the chair and grabs the blowtorch. He walks slowly to Vokoun. The taunts to the crowd who boos him. However, Vokoun sees this and drop toe holds HBM FACE FIRST ON THE STEEL CHAIR!!!! Headbanger drops the blowtorch, Vokoun picks it up and waits for Headbanger to get up.
-Headbanger gets up and sees the blowtorch and runs to the the edge of the cell. Vokoun follows him and gives him a sick grin and giggle. Headbanger tries to beg of Vokoun but Vokoun just screams...I'M GOING TO KILL YOU. HE SHOOTS THE A FIRE BALL FROM THE BLOWTORCH ON THE HEADBANGER WHO THEN FALLS 25 FEET FROM THE TOP OF THE CELL ON TO THE ANNOUNCERS TABLE!!!!!!!
Hoss: OH MY GOD!!!!!! WHAT IN THE HELL JUST HAPPENED? HEADBANGER JUST FEEL 25 FEET FROM THE VERY TOP OF THE CELL. HE MIGHT BE DEAD!!!!!!
Michael Muffer: Ladies....and gentleman....the winner.....AND STILL WWCF HARDCORE CHAMPION....THE SMOKIN VOKOUN!!!!!!!!!!!
The crowd gives both men a standing ovation for that match. Vokoun celebrates on top of the cage but just collapses. Paramedics go to ringside to pick up Headbanger who is barely moving. He is being carried away in a stretcher. But before he leaves the area, he signifies that he's ok, not by a thumbs up, but a middle finger.
King: Well....I must say, I'm super impressed with Headbanger. He survived almost everything Smokin Vokoun could dish out and he's still alive.
Hoss: lets not forget that Vokoun was amazing as well. He made a huge comeback to retain his hardcore title. That was one of the most brutal matches in the history of the WWCF. Both men deserve a standing ovation. Both men are big time stars in my book.
-Vokoun gets off the cage and limps away. Lloyd McFloyd gives Vokoun his hardcore belt and he walks away to a loud ovation.
General Hospital Supermarket Brawl: Neo Het V. The General of the Monkey Army, Take II
Gorilla Tim Hoss: That was quite the match we had there, WWCF Galaxy, but let's check in on Neo Het and The General of the Monkey Army!
The General, Neo Het, Bongo, Tinkers, and Referee "Spud" Verne Johnson quietly sit inside of a limo which appears to be stuck in traffic.
Jesse King: Oh no, they must be in a traffic jam, Gorilla!
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Well, we'll have to check in on them later, so let's move on to our next match!
Still wondering who it is?
Not long now.
The returning Legend will reveal himself…
Tonight.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Well that was a good match and the matches should only get hotter tonight, King.
Jesse King: Speaking of heat! Look at the Craptron!
"Wheel of Misfortune" by the Dropkick Murphys starts to play on the PA
Hoss - Welcome to Wheel of Misfortune!
King - Tonight, six of our seven matches will be decided by the spin of the wheel!
Hoss - We have four Championships on the line, plus some hot rivalries that will boil over!
King - It’s a virtual melting pot just waiting to explode and I can’t wait!
Neo Het V. The General of the Monkey Army
Gorilla Tim Hoss: And now it's time for our first match, WWCF Galaxy, let's join Michael Muffer...
Michael Muffer: And now, our first match of the evening!
*King Kong 2004 Theme*
The General of the Monkey Army enters with Tinkers in his arms and Bongo following behind him.
Jesse King: The General has had quite a rocky relationship with the new "Kawaii Desuperstar" Neo Het.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Please don't say that again, King.
Michael Muffer: Now entering the ring, hailing from Lansing, MI, weighing in at 225lbs, he is The General of the Monkey Army!
The General crosses the ropes and stands in his corner.
*Boy's Don't Cry - The Cure*
Jesse King: You know, I'm really not sure what to make of this Neo Het, but he's made waves from the beginning.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Some say that he'll go far in this company.
Michael Muffer: Now entering the ring, hailing from Hot Topic, and weighing in at 266lbs, he is your... "kuh-why-ee dess-soo" Superstar, Neo Het!
Neo Het appears in a puff of smoke with a calico kitten in his hands which he loving pets. Tinkers grabs The General and forces a smooch out of him.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Neo Het was raised by hobbits and is the vampire son of wizards. He's apparently one magical guy.
Jesse King: I think that I prefer the cold efficiency of The General.
Michael Muffer: And now, Fred G Neric will spin the Wheel... of... Misfortune!
Fred G. Neric appears on the Craptron with a wheel next to him.
Fred G. Neric: That's right, WWCF Galaxy. I, Fred G. Neric, will spin this wheel to determine the stipulations of the match. Michael Muffer will explain the rules of the match after it has been determined. Here we go.
Fred G. Neric spins the wheel. The General crosses his arms while Neo Het hands off the calico kitten to a little girl in the audience.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: What will it be for Neo Heta and The General? I'm hoping for a Submission match myself.
The Wheel of Misfortune keeps spinning but it begins to slow down.
Jesse King: Nah, The General in a Submission match? I say First Blood.
The Wheel of Misfortune passes First Blood, it passes Last Man Standing, it passes Submission... it passes Lumberjack... it passes Ladder... and it lands on... General Hospital Supermarket Brawl.
Fred G. Neric: Well there you have it, WWCF Galaxy, this match is going to be a General Hospital Supermarket Brawl! Take it away, Muffer!
Michael Muffer: The match will be a General Hospital Supermarket Brawl!
The audience has mixed reactions.
Jesse King: The heck kinda match is this?
Michael Muffer: In this match, the contestants will compete in a supermarket, where any and all items are legal weapons. At the front of the store is a stretcher, in which the opponents must battle to put their opponent onto the stretcher, load it into the ambulance, and drive it to the hospital!
A graphic appears on the Craptron explaining the rules.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Well that's... different.
Jesse King: But they're not at the supermarket yet!
Michael Muffer: The General of the Monkey Army and Neo Het will now be driven to the local Kroger!
The General looks at Neo Het, and they along with Bongo and Tinkers head out of the arena.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: I guess that we'll be checking in on this match later, King.
Jesse King: Oughta be really exciting when they get there, TH. My money's on The General.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: I'm going for Neo Het. I don't think that we have truly seen the extent of his abilities yet.
He’s had the entire WWCF Galaxy talking.
It could be anybody.
Who is he?
A Legend returns…
Tonight.
Hoss: Who is this returning legend, Jess?!
I dunno Gorilla, but apparently we’re gonna find out tonight!
WWCF Hardcore Championship: The Smokin’ Vokoun V. Headbanger Man
Tim Hoss: Before we go to the Hardcore Title match, lets go to Fred G. Neric, who is at the WHEEL.OF.MISFORTUNE!!!! Gosh, I like doing that.
Fred G.Neric: Well Gorilla, I'm here backstage at the Wheel of Misfortune. Along with the current WWCF Hardcore Champion, Smokin Vokoun. Smokie, before I spin the wheel, do you have any final thoughts on Headbanger?
Smokin Vokoun: Fred....I DON'T HAVE ANY THOUGHTS AT THE MOMENT!!! THIS IS HARDCORE WRESTLING, YOU DON'T HAVE TO THINK!!! All I need to think about is beating someone up...AND THAT PERSON IS YOU HEADBANGER MAN!!! I know your shaking in your snake skin boots, hoping to God that you can get out of this match alive. You say your gonna show me how hardcore you are? Well I'm the King of Hardcore in the WWCF. I'M THE KING AND LORD OF THE HARDCORE DIVISON!!!! You are gonna find that out tonight. All my freaks in the crowd will GET WHAT THEY WANT WHILE I KILL YOU IN COLD BLOOD!!!!!
- Fred nods and walks to the wheel. He spins the wheel and it spins fast. As it slows down, we see Vokoun glaring at the wheel. The wheel stops and Fred goes to look at it. Fred is stunned by the match while Vokoun has a sick smirk on his face.
Fred G.Neric: Ladies and gentleman....it looks like this Hardcore match will be a.......INFERNO TLC HELL IN A CELL DEATHMATCH!!!!!!!!! BACK TO YOU GORILLA.
Hoss: Oh.....my.....god. King, I'm actually scared for both men. This can NOT end well.
King: Well, I know Headbanger may not like it. But by looking at Vokoun's face, he's gonna love this match.
INFERNO TLC HELL IN THE CELL DEATHMATCH
WWCF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP
The Smokin Vokoun vs The Headbanger Man
Michael Muffer: Ladies and gentleman the following contest is set for one fall....is for the WWCF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP.....AND IT IS A INFERNO TLC HELL IN THE CELL DEATHMATCH.!!!!
Crowd pops huge for this.
Muffer: The rules are simple. The ring will be surrounded by a steel cell. Along ringside, there will be tables, ladders and chairs set up along the ringside area. At atop the cell there is a blowtorch attached. The first man who can climb the ladder and grab the blowtorch CAN USE IT TO SET HIS OPPONENT ON FIRE TO WIN THE MATCH!!! THEREFOR HE WILL BECOME THE WWCF HARDCORE CHAMPION!!!!!!
*Saints of Los Angeles by Motley Crue*
Muffer: Introducing first.....representing the Heavy Metal Hollywood....from Kent, Englad....weighing in 263 pounds....he is one half of the WWCF World Tag Team Champions....THE HEADBANGER MAN.
- The Headbanger Man comes out to a chorus of HUGE boos and chants of "Smokies Gonna Kill You". He yells at fans for booing him. He walks to the ring with caution. It is clear that he is really nervous. He gets in the ring and starts jawing with Muffer.
Muffer: And his opponent.....
*Sinnerman by Nina Simone*
Muffer: Representing The Family....from Chicago, IL....weighing in at 280 pounds....he is the WWCF HARDCORE CHAMPION.....SMOKIN VOKOUN!!!!!!
- Smokie walks out to a HUGE pop. He doesn't scream or glare at the fans, he's only staring at Headbanger Man. He gets in the ring and scares Headbanger out of the ring.
Hoss: Well King, this is put up or shutup time for Headbanger. I'm actually scared for both men here. If any of you out there watching are afraid of blood...then please don't watch.
King: But if you love matches like this....THEN HELL YEAH YOU BETTER WATCH IT...BECAUSE IT'S GONNA BE AWESOME.
-The cell is slowly coming down. Headbanger is looking all around looking real nervous. The crowd keeps chanting "Smokies Gonna Kill you" "Smokies Gonna Kill You". Headbanger can't take it anymore and runs out of the ring. Vokoun starts to follow him, but Headbanger just runs. He gets to the enterance until Vokoun grabs Headbanger from behind and drags him back to the ring. The steel cage surrounds the entire ringside area. The bell rings.
Hoss: Looks like Headbanger isn't gonna run away like he did a few months ago. HBM has to fight this battle in order to become the Hardcore Champ.
- Headbanger tries get away from Vokoun, be he has no where to go. So he goes under the ring and picks up a lead pipe. Vokoun goes under the ring and gets a barbwire baseball bat. The two men slowly get into the ring with their weapons.
King: I'm guessing these men are gonna duel it out. I like some good man to man combat. .
- The two men circle the ring stare at each other. The two men then start yelling at the each and they both run towards each other. The two men are using there weapons like swords and dueling it out. They fight back and forth until Vokoun is able to knock HBM's lead pipe out of his hands, and he hits HBM with the barbwire bat. HBM keeps getting up, but Vokoun keeps knocking him down.
- Vokoun then drops his weapon and charges at Headbanger and hits the Hangman Clothesline and both men go out of the ring. VOkoun gets to his feet first and picks up HBM. He picks him up and throws him head first into the cage. Vokoun then grabs HBM's head and grinds it into the steel mesh. HMB collapses and Vokoun rears back, charges, and KNEES HBM'S HEAD. Headbanger has been BUSTED WIDE OPEN.
- Vokoun grabs the steel steps and starts pounding it on HBM's back. Headbanger is really in pain. Vokoun goes under the ring and gets a Ladder. He slides it into the ring. Vokoun sets up the Ladder while Headbanger recovers. Vokoun starts climbing the ladder to get the blowtorch, but Headbanger gets on the top rope and uses a Flying Clothesline to knock Smokie and the Ladder down.
- Headbanger picks up the ladder and starts pounding Vokoun on the back with it. He lets Smokie get to his feet and then hits Vokoun's ribs with the ladder. Vokoun writes in pain as Headbanger laughs. Vokoun gets up again and HBM then hits Vokoun in the head with the ladder. The impact shoots Vokoun out of the ring. Headbanger then sets up the ladder and gets ready to climb.
-While HMB is climbing, Vokoun finds his barbwire bat and climbs back into the ring, via climbing the turnbuckles. Vokoun gets the tope rope, while Headbanger is near the blowtorch. Smokie flies of the top rope and hits Headbanger on the back with the bat and falls off the ladder.
- Headbanger is lying on the mat and Vokoun has the bat. He then RIPS OFF THE BARBWIRE AND WRAPS IT AROUND HIS KNUCKLES. He lays in some fist drops right into Headbanger's head, making him bleed even more.The blood is just poaring from HBM's head. Vokoun sees this and starts biting Headbanger's bloody forehead. Smokie spits out the blood just for show and the crowd loves it.
Hoss: As much as I admire Smokie's courage and toughness....I will never get over how blood thirsty he is.
King: Don't worry Gorilla, pretty soon Headbanger will prove just how blood thirsty HE is.
- Vokoun picks up a dazed HBM and shoots him into the ropes and then drop toe holds him FACE FIRST ON THE LADDER!!! Headbanger is really taking a beating. Vokoun starts screaming at the top of his lungs. He throws Headbanger out of the ring. He goes to set up the ladder. Headbanger Man goes under the ring and gets a table. Vokoun is starting to climb the ladder. HBM sets up the table and then slowly gets into the ring without Vokoun knowing. Vokoun is almost to the top but Headbanger gets back to the apron jumps and hits the Springboard dropkick on the ladder, knocking it and Vokoun down. With HBM dazed from the fall, Vokoun gets up angry and starts pummling HBM somemore. Vokoun then shoots Headbanger into the corner. He is going for the Smoke Bomb. He gets to the top rope and picks up Headbanger. He is about to hit the Smoke Bomb, but Headbanger hits Smokie with an elbow. He changes directions and hits THE BLAST BEAT BOMB OF THE TOP ROPE ONTO THE TABLE ON THE OUTSIDE!!!!!
Hoss: OH MY GOD, THAT WAS A REAL SMART MOVE ON HEADBANGER'S PART!!! THAT WAS INCREDIBLE!!!!.
King: The smartest man is gonna win this match, and that man is Headbanger.
- Vokoun is layed out from the table shot. HMB, picks up Vokoun throws him face first into the cage. Vokoun is laying there in a heap. HBM picks up a steel chair and CRACKS Smokie's head WITH A REALLY LOUD SHOT, sandwhiching him between the steel chair and the steel cage. Vokoun is BUSTED WIDE OPEN. HBM just laughs and evil laugh and HITS HIM AGAIN!!!! Vokoun slumps to the crowd and isn't moving.
Hoss: SMOKIN VOKOUN COULD BE DEAD AFTER THAT. HE'S NOT MOVING AND BARELY BREATHING!!!
King: It's about time....he was starting to bore me.
-HBM takes Vokoun's bloody hand and takes off the barbwire. He then WRAPS THE BARBWIRE AROUND VOKOUN'S NECK AND STARTS TO CHOKE!!!
Hoss: I realize this is a hardcore match, but Headbanger is trying to kill VOkoun with that barbwire!!! THIS
SHOULD BE STOPPED!!!!
-Headbanger drops Vokoun. Vokoun's neck is bleeding. HBM then gets in the ring, grabs the ladder and then slides it out of the ring. Vokoun is trying to hold himself up by grabbing on to the steel mesh. HBM squares up the helpless Vokoun and rams the ladder into his ribs. Vokoun is now coughing up blood.
Hoss: IS THERE ANYONE IN THE BACK WHO GIVES A DAMN TO STOP THIS MATCH, THE MAN IS BLEEDING INTERNALLY!!!
King: I'm about to agree with you, I don't really want to see a man really die in the ring.
-HBM starts laughing as the crowd boos him loudly. He kicks Vokoun in the ribs as Smokie coughs up some more blood. Headbanger then grabs the ladder and shoots it back into the ring. Vokoun is trying his best to crawl to the ring. Headbanger is setting up the ladder and starting to climb. Vokoun is slowly getting back into the ring. Headbanger sees Vokoun getting into the ring and is shocked.
King: I got to say this Gorilla, I'm so so shocked that Vokoun is able to even move after all that punishment.
Hoss: I think it's impossible to kill this man,no matter what.
-Headbanger gets off the ladder and kicks Vokoun in the head. He then quickly leaves the ring and grabs a steel chair. He slides it in the ring and CRACKS IT OVER VOKOU'S HEAD HARD!!! He then drops it and picks up Vokoun and hits THE HOLY DRIVER ON THE STEEL CHAIR. Vokoun is now motionless and Headbanger is free to climb the ladder.
Hoss: Pretty soon, this will end. Unfortunetly for Vokoun's "Freaks"....it won't end with Vokoun retain the WWCF Hardcore Title.
King: Well Headbanger better not waste anymore time, Vokoun loves to play Michael Myers.
- HBM starts climbing the ladder. Vokoun starts to recover a little bit, looks up and sees Headbanger climbin up the ladder for the blowtorch. He grabs on the ladder to hold himself up AND THEN STARTS CLIMBING!!!!
King: SEE I TOLD YOU!!! Headbanger was too slow getting up the ladder. He better hurry!!!
-Headbanger sees him and waits for him to climb up to meet him. The two men slowly start throwing punches at eachother. Vokoun rakes HBM's eyes gets to the top and picks up Headbanger...AND HITS A SAMOAN DROP OFF THE LADDER!!!!!!! Both men are laying face first on the mat.
Hoss: Ladies and gentleman, my jaw has literally dropped. Smokin Vokoun has comeback once again!! There is no stopping him!!!
King: Don't sell Headbanger short, he's been nothing short of amazing tonight as well.
-Vokoun is the first one up. He screams at the top of his lungs. He starts climbing up the ladder once again. Headbanger sees him and starts climbing as well. However, Vokoun gets to the top first and GRABS THE BLOWTORCH!!!!
Hoss: Oh no....this doesn't look good for Headbanger.
King: RUUUUUUUUUN HEADBANGER!!!!!!!
-Headbanger purposely falls of the ladder and sees Vokoun with a sick grin on his face. The crowd explodes and chants once again, "SMOKIES GONNA KILL YOU" "SMOKIE'S GONNA KILL YOU!!!!" Vokoun jumps down from the ladder and screams at Headbanger. Headbanger is running around the ring and Vokoun is giving chase. HBM see's the door and runs towards it, jumps on it and the door opens.
Hoss: Wait a minute, I thought the door would be locked. I guess Lloyd McFloyd forgot to lock the door.
King: I don't blame him, he probably isn't paid enough.
-Headbanger escapes the cell as Smokie is following him the blowtorch. Headbanger tries to find something that will protect him. He finds a steel chair and then starts climbing up the steel mesh to the top of the cell.
Hoss: Desperate men do desperate things, King. Headbanger knows that he's in a life or death situation and he needs to stay away from being set on fire.
-Vokoun stares up at Headbanger who made it to the top of the cell. Vokoun starts climbing up to get him. He holds the blowtorch in his teeth as he climbs. When he gets up there he is met with a stiff chair shot to the head. Both men are on the top of the cell Then actually pulls up the dazed Vokoun and takes the blowtorch. Headbanger drops the blowtorch hits some more stiff chair shots to Vokoun's skull. Vokoun drops face first on the cell. HBM drops the chair and grabs the blowtorch. He walks slowly to Vokoun. The taunts to the crowd who boos him. However, Vokoun sees this and drop toe holds HBM FACE FIRST ON THE STEEL CHAIR!!!! Headbanger drops the blowtorch, Vokoun picks it up and waits for Headbanger to get up.
-Headbanger gets up and sees the blowtorch and runs to the the edge of the cell. Vokoun follows him and gives him a sick grin and giggle. Headbanger tries to beg of Vokoun but Vokoun just screams...I'M GOING TO KILL YOU. HE SHOOTS THE A FIRE BALL FROM THE BLOWTORCH ON THE HEADBANGER WHO THEN FALLS 25 FEET FROM THE TOP OF THE CELL ON TO THE ANNOUNCERS TABLE!!!!!!!
Hoss: OH MY GOD!!!!!! WHAT IN THE HELL JUST HAPPENED? HEADBANGER JUST FEEL 25 FEET FROM THE VERY TOP OF THE CELL. HE MIGHT BE DEAD!!!!!!
Michael Muffer: Ladies....and gentleman....the winner.....AND STILL WWCF HARDCORE CHAMPION....THE SMOKIN VOKOUN!!!!!!!!!!!
The crowd gives both men a standing ovation for that match. Vokoun celebrates on top of the cage but just collapses. Paramedics go to ringside to pick up Headbanger who is barely moving. He is being carried away in a stretcher. But before he leaves the area, he signifies that he's ok, not by a thumbs up, but a middle finger.
King: Well....I must say, I'm super impressed with Headbanger. He survived almost everything Smokin Vokoun could dish out and he's still alive.
Hoss: lets not forget that Vokoun was amazing as well. He made a huge comeback to retain his hardcore title. That was one of the most brutal matches in the history of the WWCF. Both men deserve a standing ovation. Both men are big time stars in my book.
-Vokoun gets off the cage and limps away. Lloyd McFloyd gives Vokoun his hardcore belt and he walks away to a loud ovation.
General Hospital Supermarket Brawl: Neo Het V. The General of the Monkey Army, Take II
Gorilla Tim Hoss: That was quite the match we had there, WWCF Galaxy, but let's check in on Neo Het and The General of the Monkey Army!
The General, Neo Het, Bongo, Tinkers, and Referee "Spud" Verne Johnson quietly sit inside of a limo which appears to be stuck in traffic.
Jesse King: Oh no, they must be in a traffic jam, Gorilla!
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Well, we'll have to check in on them later, so let's move on to our next match!
Still wondering who it is?
Not long now.
The returning Legend will reveal himself…
Tonight.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Well that was a good match and the matches should only get hotter tonight, King.
Jesse King: Speaking of heat! Look at the Craptron!
The Boiler Room
BRB sits in a foldup chair, his pipe wrench resting at his side while he handles the mic.
BRB: Welcome, WWCF Galaxy, to The Boiler Room, Wheel of Misfortune edition! Tonight we have the latest star to join our ranks. He calls himself Mysth, and we’re gonna find out what he’s all about!
The camera zooms out and pans to show Mysth sitting in another foldup chair, sweating from the heat while BRB appears to be dry as a desert.
BRB: So, uh… Mysth… You’ve made a fairly big deal of your past down south in the EWT, the former official e-fed of the WrestleCrap forums. What was it like for you back then?
BRB sticks the mic in Mysth’s face.
Mysth: I couldn't possibly have hoped for a better proving ground. Seriously, I started off slowly but once I got my first taste of success, I couldn't stop and always aimed higher and higher and higher! And eventually I made my way to the main event spot, and believe me that was no easy task considering the quality of the competition. Either way, it really helped me hone my skills, and hearing the cheers from the crowd and have fans backstage tell me that I would make a great World Champion was a blast. Too bad their encouragement never materialized to an actual reign.
BRB yanks the mic away.
BRB: Wait, you spent years in that e-fed without winning a single title? Not one?
BRB points at his WWCF Inter-Forum Championship belt. Mysth begins to respond but BRB is slightly late in getting the mic to his face.
Mysth: BRB, I have nothing but respect for you and all, but YOU go fighting an insane Irishman, YOU square off one-on-one against a zombie pirate in a cage, YOU go in a match where you face seven other opponents inside a 66,6 tons of steel cage that can only be won by knocking everyone else out, and then we'll talk about my lack of gold.
Besides, I achieved things no-one else did. I single-handedly stood against not one, but TWO of the most dangerous factions in the federation, Team Ireland and the Ministry of Peace, I defeated Liam O' Neill in his signature match while his manager tried to screw me over, I beat Ferhago Crow who had literally annihilated every other man he had ever faced, and that's just a small sample of my EWT career. So it may have not been made official by making me show up with gold around my waist, but I like to think I can take pride in what I did.
Of course, that doesn't mean I am not going to give all I have for this federation. This is a whole new World and I do realize that what I did elsewhere doesn't mean much until I show I can take on the competition, and that's what I intend to do against Kris Kobain tonight.
BRB: Oh, you seem pretty confident in your
chances of success against Kobain -and in the WWCF as a whole- for someone who has only been in one match so far.
Mysth: Don't get me wrong, I know Kobain is a very skilled man and he has what it takes to make it big, but like I already told him, he acts like he has already proved everything and that he should be admired now for what he is, instead of setting himself new goals and trying to get himself admired for new achievements. He is still a young man and a young wrestler, yet he thinks of himself as a grizzled veteran. And that's what gives me an edge.
I KNOW I am far from having proved myself, and I know everything may well fall apart right away if I am not careful. And that's why I am way more motivated and willing to win than he is, and that's why I am confident I will win, because I keep in mind that there is a possibility I might lose, and I must avoid that at all cost.
As for the WWCF, well, I like to think that I am not going to go very far if I base my gameplan on the assumption that I'm going to fail. Don't get me wrong, I do realize the WWCF roster is... amazing, filled to the brim with awe-inspiring talents. But I'm no pushover, and I don't see any reason to doubt my chances.
BRB: Got any last words before you enter the squared circle?
Mysth: I already told Kris everything I needed to tell him, so I don't have much to add, but I will say that I hope that whatever the outcome of the battle is, it will make him come back to his senses and make him give his Kobainites what they really want. Or else they will rightfully support someone else, maybe even... the Darkness in the Light.
BRB: Well then get out there and show the WWCF Galaxy what you’re all about. Just be on the lookout for me, BRB, if you make it at all and try reaching the top, cuz I’ll knock you back down to the dark matches with one swing of my big, massive, pipe wrench.
Mysth sternly nods. BRB turns to the camera.
BRB: I’m BRB and this has been a special Wheel of Misfortune edition of the Boiler Room. Take it away!
Jesse King: Mysth thinks pretty highly of himself but I’ll be damned if his battle hasn’t just begun here in the WWCF.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: EWT was a proud e-fed and I for one am glad to see a veteran from there putting on boots to entertain the WWCF Galaxy. I think that Mysth is one of those guys that we’re going to look back and realize that he had main event written all over him from the beginning.
Jesse King: Yeah? Well let’s move on.
General Hospital Supermarket Brawl: Neo Het V. The General of the Monkey Army, Take III
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Well let's check back in with Neo Het and The General.
Jesse King: Oh jeez, I almost forgot about that match!
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Remember, folks-
Graphic explaining rules of General Hospital Supermarket Match appears.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: They are going to fight at the local Kroger to put their opponent onto a stretcher to haul them into an ambulance and then drive them to the hospital.
Jesse King: I think that this is going to be one brutal match, TH.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: As do I, Jesse. As do I.
The limousine arrives at the local Kroger and Neo Het, The General, Bongo, and Tinkers get out and enter.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: We may be seeing history tonight, WWCF Galaxy. This match may very well go down as a legend.
Referee "Spud" Verne Johnson has both men walk five paces and then he begins the match. The General directs Bongo to go left and Tinkers to go right while he runs for Neo Het.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: The General is directing the troops.
Jesse King: Every match is a war for The General.
The General throws a punch at Neo Het, who gets angry and throws a kick. The General catches it and goes for a dragon screw but Neo Het jumps with the twist and delivers an enzuigiri kick to The General and both men fall to the ground. Tinkers emerges a twelve-pack of Barq's root beer.
Jesse King: Uh oh, Barq's has bite, Gorilla!
Tinkers rips open the twelve pack and picks up a pair of cans and throws them at Neo Het, who rolls out of the way while The General gets up.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: This might be a journey through the supermarket, King. We've already started on pop.
Jesse King: It's called soda, Gorilla.
Neo Het kips up, is pelted with a can to the chest, and stumbles back a step.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Not where I come from, King.
Neo Het finds a two-liter bottle of Sunkist and throws it at Tinkers who moves out of the way and scampers off. Neo Het grabs another two-liter bottle of Dr. Pepper and bashes The General over the head with it once... twice... the bottle ruptures and explodes, soda pop spilling all over The General and Neo Het. The General throws a punch at Neo Het, who catches him with an arm drag into a table covered in pastries.
Jesse King: This is going to be a food fight, Gorilla!
The General gets up as Neo Het goes over to bash him over the head with another two-liter bottle of Sunkist but he whips out a broken half of the table and blocks it.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: The General, resourceful as ever.
The General slams the table down on Neo Het's foot, making him stumble back on one foot. The General capitalizes with a standing lariat, knocking Neo Het over and back into a table with cakes.
Jesse King: I really hate seeing any cake go to waste, Gorilla. I really do.
Tinkers returns with a pair of twelve-oz bottles of Coke Zero and starts bashing Neo Het with them. The General walks over to start stomping on him but Neo Het catches him with a drop toe hold into a broken table half.
Jesse King: Whoa!
Gorilla Tim Hoss: That had to heard, King!
Neo Het rolls away from Tinkers, who pursues him but then decides to throw the bottles at him, both making contact to the back. Neo Het rolls around from the pain.
Jesse King: This is war, Gorilla, and The General clearly is clearly winning the numbers game.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: But does Neo Het have any magical comebacks for us?
Neo Het gets up as does The General. Neo Het runs behind The General and Irish whips him into a fresh vegetable stand. The General falls over from the impact but Neo Het chases after him. Tinkers runs up too, but Neo Het throws potatoes at her to drive her off, and she goes around the next corner.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Well, Tinkers may be gone, but where is Bongo?
Jesse King: All I know is that Neo Het is taking it to The General now.
Neo Het grabs a couple of plastic bags and ties them around The General's mouth.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: A plastic bag gag from Neo Het. Let's see The General bark out his orders now.
Neo Het locks his arm around The General's neck from behind and starts bashing him in the head with a potato.
Jesse King: Those potatoes aren't soft, Gorilla!
Gorilla Tim Hoss: The General may have quite the bruises to show for this for weeks to come!
The potatoe breaks against The General's head. Neo Het puts a potato sack on the ground and DDT's The General into it.
Jesse King: Brutal!
Gorilla Tim Hoss: These men are brutalizing each other and the supermarket, King.
Neo Het stands The General up and hoists him onto his shoulders.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Neo Het with a standard fireman's carry.
Neo Het starts walking back towards the entrance.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: It may be over already, ladies and gentlemen.
Jesse King: C'mon General. You've been through all of those Hardcore Challenges through the years. You've got to get through this one too!
Neo Het comes around the corner when he a Heineken keg rolls into his leg. He falls forward onto his face.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: It's Bongo!
Jesse King: He must have been in the liquor department!
Bongo stands by the stretcher with a shopping cart full of Heineken kegs. The General starts getting up and knees Neo Het in the head.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: The General is not quite out of this yet, King. Bongo saved him with that barrel of Heineken.
Jesse King: Well, keg.
The General stands up and picks up Neo Het. He controls him and drives him headfirst through a checkout aisle blocker and starts choking him out.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: How much more punishment can either of these two men take?
Neo Het elbows The General in the stomach, making him back up a step or so. Neo Het pulls his head out and slips underneath and stands up, back to The General. The General runs to him, but Neo Het jumps up and delivers a cutter attack to the aisle blocker.
Jesse King: The General's throat might have been smashed in right there, Gorilla!
Neo Het picks The General back up onto his shoulders and starts heading for the stretcher. Bongo picks up another Heineken keg and throws it at Neo Het, who just manages to side step it as it rolls down the way.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Looks like Bongo's tactics are not working here, King.
Jesse King: Yeah, but Bongo's a freakin' gorilla, Gorilla!
Gorilla Tim Hoss: That he is.
Neo Het keeps heading for the stretcher, limping along the way when Tinkers suddenly throws a banana peel in the way. Neo Het slips on the banana and inadvertently Samoan drops The General to the floor in the process.
Jesse King: And there's Tinkers with a trick of her own.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: She would do anything to please her husband.
Neo Het's butt is injured from the fall, but The General is hurt from the inadvertent Samoan drop, so neither man gets up. Bongo picks up another Heineken keg to throw at Neo Het.
Jesse King: No, Bongo, now's not the time!
Bongo throws the keg at Neo Het, who rolls out of the way, and it impacts with The General's side.
Jesse King: Bongo, you dumb idiot!
Gorilla Tim Hoss: The General still has the plastic bag gag on his mouth, King. He can't issue any intelligible orders until he removes it!
Neo Het starts standing up, but his injuries are taking their toll on him. Neo Hte limps and is delicate with how he stands up, when Bongo picks up one last Heineken keg to throw at him.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: This isn't good for Neo Het. If he can't move, then The General takes this match.
Bongo throws the keg at Neo Het. It skips along the ground, but Tinker pulls The General out of the way as Neo Het jumps out of the way.
Jesse King: He missed!
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Yes, but I think that the damage has been done.
Jesse King: On the other hand, Neo Het is still standing, while The General has to be saved by Tinkers.
Neo Het limps over to find The General. He crosses past a 10 items or less aisle and starts looking around. Bongo suddenly comes rushing behind him with the shopping cart. Neo Het is toppled and he falls backwards into the cart.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Bongo is putting Neo Het on express!
Bongo backs up the card and then rushes for the stretcher. Neo Het is in no position to quite do anything about it. Tinkers emerges from another checkout aisle, dragging The General behind her.
Jesse King: Neo Het seems to have won the battle, Gorilla, but he appears to have lost the war!
Bongo collides with the stretcher, rocking Neo Het. He reaches down at Neo Het, who sprays a sparkly dark brown mist into his eyes. Bongo is temporarily blinded and he starts wildly gesticulating about and heads away from Neo Het.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Not quite yet, it appears.
Neo Het stands back up out of the cart and goes to a checkout aisle, grabs a Brisk Ice Tea, guzzles down some, and then waits for Bongo to regain sight. Tinkers is homing in on the stretcher. The General no longer has the plastic bag gag over his mouth.
Jesse King: It's a battle just to get a man onto the stretcher, Gorilla.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: The suspense is killing me, Jesse. Who will win?
Bongo recovers from the previous mist when Neo Het spits more mist into his eyes. Bongo reels again but this time Neo Het delivers a Kawaii Kick to his chest, knocking him into the shopping cart. Neo Het pushes the cart past a checkout aisle and forces it to go all of the way to other end of the local Kroger.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Good work there by Neo Het!
The General starts getting up by himself, he points outside and Tinkers runs out. The General and Neo Het exchange glares and go for each other. Neo punches The General, The General chops Neo. Neo Irish whips The General into the stretcher and The General falls over the stretcher onto the other side.
Jesse King: Just when you think that this is over, Gorilla...
Gorilla Tim Hoss: I thought that this was over at least five minutes ago.
Neo Het pulls the stretcher away from The General and stands up on it.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: I'm not so sure about this, King. From that height?
Neo Het leaps off for a Desu Dive onto The General. The General looks like he's completely out.
Jesse King: Damn, Gorilla. Just damn.
Neo Het picks up The General and puts him onto the stretcher and then pushes him outside and into the ambulance.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: It's all but over now, WWCF Galaxy.
Neo Het closes the ambulance doors and hops into the ambulance and drives off. Referee "Spud" Verne Johnson hops into a limousine to follow them.
Jesse King: Now we enter the final phase of the match, TH. Neo Het has to deliver The General to the hospital so that he may win.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Well, we'll catch up with them later, Jesse King, but it seems that the match is all but won by Neo Het. Let's move on.
Official IF Title Rankings Match: Kris Kobain V. Mysth
Neric: Well folks, coming up is the Rankings match between Kris Kobain and Mysth! Let’s give the wheel a spin and see what type of match it’ll be!
Neric spins the wheel and it lands on…
Neric: A Pillow Fight on the Roof!
King: A pillow fight? That’s kinda lame.
Hoss: Not this one, Jess. Right now, both men have been given pillowcases and they are filling them up with all the weapons they can hold!
The camera cuts to the back where Kobain stuffs a giant toolbox into his pillow case.
King: And what is this about the match being on the roof?
Hoss: As our fans know, Jonathan Michaels fancies the roof as a second home of sorts. He keeps all his weapons up there and tonight, both our competitors may use those weapons in this match, plus the ones they bring along!
King: Wow Gorilla! I guess this match isn’t so lame after all!
Hoss: I understand both men are on their way to the roof, so let’s get up there!
Sara Nakatomi is already on the roof, wearing a referee’s shirt.
Muffer - The following contest is a pillow fight on the roof!
Kris Kobain climbs up the side of the roof, while Mysth enters from the stairwell.
Muffer - Introducing first, Kris Kobain! And his opponent, Mysth!
Sara walks over a shoves Muffer.
Muffer - Um.. Ladies and gentlemen, your special referee for this match, Sara Nakatomi!
Sara smiles, waves for the camera, then signals for the match to begin.
Kobain immediately reaches into his pillowcase and pulls out a can of RC. He downs the soda, then bashes Mysth in the head with the can. Mysth reaches into his own pillow case, pulls out a ping pong paddle, and breaks it over Kobain’s head!
Hoss - And there’s the initial exchange!
Kobain tackles Mysth and the two brawl, trading punches in the middle of the roof. Kobain wins the exchange, knocking Mysth to his knees.
Down on the ground, we see ring crew members scurrying to lay crash mats around the building.
King - What’s goin’ on down there, Gorilla?!
Hoss - As I understand it, Seth Drakin has ordered that mats be placed around the outside of the arena, in the case of any “accidents” during this match.
Kobain continues to hammer Mysth, knocking him to the floor. He goes over to a small alcove and pulls out a 2x4. He lifts it overhead, then cracks it across Mysth’s skull! Cover!
1!
2!
Kickout!
Kobain grabs the toolbox out of his pillowcase, opens it, and retrieves a hammer. He goes to bash Mysth with it, but Mysth blocks with a low blow! He quickly rolls over and pulls out a baseball bat! With Kobain nursing his extremities, Mysth grabs the bat and swings for the fences!
King - C’mon! That was a foul ball!
Hoss - Looked like a homerun to me, Jess!
Kobain, in a world of pain, manages to pick up a stop sign and nail Mysth across the face with it! He then goes up to Sara and asks her to massage his “sore spot”. Sara replies with a slap across the face.
King - That was uncalled for! She’s the ref!
Hoss - She was just calmly reminding Kobain that she’s not the masseuse.
Kobain rubs the side of his face, then walks towards Sara, backing her up to the edge of the roof! He grabs her, but Mysth rolls him up!
1!
2!
Kickout!
Kobain drops Mysth with a right hand, then starts digging through the weapons stash for something.
Hoss - Now what is Kobain looking for?
Suddenly, he stops digging and pulls out…
King - Look Gorilla! The tack chair!
Kobain holds the chair up, looking at it with a malicious grin.
Hoss - Nothing good can come from this, Jess.
Kobain cradles the chair like a newborn as Mysth slowly get’s to his feet. Kobain lines him up, swings…
Hoss - And nobody home!
Sara snatches the chair away and tosses it off the roof, where it gets stuck to a member of the ring crew!
King - Damn, that’s gotta hurt!
Mysth hit’s a DDT on Kobain! Cover!
Sara is still looking down at the ring crew guy, who is gushing blood while EMTs rush to his aid. She hear’s Mysth shout at her and runs over!
1!
2!
Kickout!
Mysth lifts Kobain for the Mysthsterious Ways, but Kobain counters with a falling forearm! He quickly climbs to the top of the elevator and performs the Afterburn!
King - Whoa!
Cover!
1!
2!
3!
Muffer - Here is your winner, Kris Kobain!
Down on the ground, the ring crew member Sara hit is being loaded onto the ambulance.
Hoss - A thrilling match, but it was not without casualties!
King - Caused by Sara Nakatomi of all people!
General Hospital Supermarket Brawl: Neo Het V. The General of the Monkey Army, Conclusion
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Well, King. It's time to finally bring our first match to its close, let's join a live remote.
The ambulance arrives at the hospital. EMT's arrive to open the doors and out comes Neo Het, pushed by Tinkers. Neo Het has a nasty bruise right in the face.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: What?
Jesse King: The General!
The driver's door opens and out comes The General, cigar in mouth and a plastic bag full of potatoes in hand.
Jesse King: He did it!
Gorilla Tim Hoss: I cannot believe this King! The General made it through in the end.
Referee "Spud" Verne Johnson raises The General's arm. Tinkers climbs into his other arm.
Michael Muffer: Here is your winner, The General of the Monkey Army!
*King Kong 2004 Theme*
Jesse King: The General had a hell of a battle and a hell of a war with Neo Het, but his superior tactics and stategy won out. He must have pocketed a couple of potatoes earlier and then used the paper bag gag to make a blackjack.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: It's another one for the record books for The General. If I were our Hardcore Champion, I'd watch out.
Jesse King: Damn right, but let's move on to our next match.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Wheel of Misfortune is already one for the record books tonight, and up next we join Fred G. Neric as he takes another spin on the Wheel of Misfortune!
Fred G. Neric: Thank you Gorilla. I am standing here with the WWCF Inter-Forum Champion Boiler Room Brawler and one of the challengers for the belt, future WWCF legend Jazzman.
Jazzman: Spin us something good tonight, Fred.
BRB: Something good, something bad, I don't give a damn, Fred. In fact, shouldn't it be me, BRB, who gets a spin?
Fred G. Neric: Well, no. I'm sorry Mr. Brawler, but Commissioner Morton has charged me-
BRB shoves Fred G. Neric out of the way, tightens his grip on his pipe wrench, and swings it down on a peg, making the Wheel of Misfortune spin so quickly that it threatens to fall over.
Jesse King: He could have smashed the Wheel of Misfortune, Gorilla!
The Wheel of Misfortune continues spinning.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: A mighty swing from our Inter-Forum Champion. Tonight could be his last night with the belt.
Jesse King: Not exactly, Gorilla. He still gets his rematch.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Well he's still due for his Hardcore Championship match, so that could take a while.
Jesse King: Not his fault that he became a double champion.
The Wheel of Misfortune starts to slow down.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Need more lipstick, King?
Jesse King: What do you mean?
Gorilla Tim Hoss: For kissing BRB's ass.
Jesse King: Hey!
The Wheel of Misfortune starts to come to a stop. It passes by Hardcore Match... it passes by Hell in a Cell...
Gorilla Tim Hoss: What's it gonna be tonight?
The Wheel of Misfortune passes by Three-Way Dance... but it lands on Boiler Room Brawl Mercy Street Challenge.[/color]
Fred G. Neric: Tonight's Inter-Forum Championship match will be a Boiler Room Mercy Street Challenge!
Jazzman has a confused look on his face and he looks to BRB, who looks only slightly less confused.
Jesse King: The heck kinda match is that?
Fred G. Neric: Yes, a Boiler Room Mercy Street Challenge, in which all contestants are locked into the Parts Unknown Arena boiler room...
BRB grins and nods.
Jesse King: Be in his element tonight.
Fred G. Neric: All weapons found within are legal for use. In the boiler room there will be an electric chair...
Gorilla Tim Hoss: What?
BRB and Jazzman exchange looks.
Fred G. Neric: To win, a contestant must strap one of their opponents into the chair and pull the switch to win.
Jazzman: You know what Fred, I'm gonna say something now. I've never wrestled a match like this before. But if you-
Jazzman points to BRB then sweeps his finger across the air, looking around himself.
Jazzman: -or the Man in Black think that I'm gonna be scared off then you've got another thing coming. You can bring that big, massive, pipe wrench of yours BRB.
Jazzman points around the air again, looking around.
Jazzman: And you can bring your darkest sorcery, Man in Black, but you should both get ready for a whole new tune tonight!
Fred G. Neric: Strong words from Jazzman tonight. We'll get to this match later tonight while officials set it up downstairs, take it away Gorilla and Jesse![/color]
Jesse King: Wow! I-just- Wow!
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Can Boiler Room Brawler live up to his namesake tonight and retain the gold over his shoulder? Find out tonight, WWCF Galaxy.
Jesse King: Well, let's move on to our next match, but I'll be damned if I am not impatient for the Inter-Forum Championship match tonight.
Submission match for the WWCF Championship of Honor: Jonathan Michaels V. Evil M
Hoss - Well folks, now it’s time for Evil M V. Jonathan Michaels, a match we’ve seen countless times before.
King - But tonight Gorilla, a whole new element has been added!
Hoss - Indeed. Unlike their past encounters, where the Hardcore title was at stake, this time, it’s about the Championship of Honor!
Muffer - The following contest is a submission match and it is for the WWCF Championship of Honor!
*Man on the Silver Mountain*
Evil M walks down the ramp, sporting a Yellow Jacket t-shirt and a hat that reads “DO IT FOR YJ!”
Muffer - Introducing first, from Rockland, Mass, weighing in at 300 pounds, Evil M!
Hoss - M insisted on this match being made a submission match, Jess.
King - And last week on NiteRaw, he showed that he is more than capable when it comes to submission wrestling.
Hoss - But keep in mind, he needed the aid of a weapon to win that match, Jess. He can’t do that here, due to the Rules of Honor being in effect.
King - Hey, M didn’t NEED to hit Sparks with the mic to win! He just felt that Sparks deserved it!
*DOA*
Jonathan Michaels enters through the smoke, holding the Championship of Honor up high,
Muffer - And his opponent, from Los Angeles, California, weighing in at 240 pounds, he is the reigning and defending Champion of Honor, Jonathan Michaels!
Hoss - At first glance, Michaels doesn’t look like your typical poster boy for Rules of Honor, but he’s done that title right, Jess!
King - He has definitely done a lot to make the belt mean something, Gorilla. But this match, I dunno.
Hoss - What do you mean?
King - These two hate each other, Gorilla. Can they really stick to the Rules of Honor?
Hoss - Well, we’re about to find out.
Referee Floyd McLloyd calls both men to the center of the ring. Michaels offers his hand and M takes it.
Hoss - Well, so far, so good. Show of sportsmanship by both men.
King - More like a test of strength, Gorilla!
M and Michaels keep a tight grip, each trying to out muscle the other one! M leans forward, trying to back Michaels up, but Michaels fights back, sending M towards his corner. Michaels gets M in the corner and McLloyd forces a break.
Hoss - Well, Michaels wins the first confrontation of this match, Jess.
King - Yeah, but as he knows better than anyone, he’ll need to do way more to keep Evil M down!
Michaels and M tie up in the center of the ring. Michaels with a wristlock, but M counters it and forces Michaels to the mat.
Hoss - M trying for an early submission with a jujitsu hold!
Michaels breaks the hold and tries to lock M’s arm, but M pushes him back with his free hand! Another tie up and M tries to pull Michaels into a triangle choke, but Jonathan blocks it and counters into the Boston crab!
King - Whoa! Michaels tying M up with one of his own signature moves!
M uses his size advantage to pull himself to the ropes. Michaels let’s go, but holds on to M’s ankle. He tries to pull him to the center of the ring, but M kicks him back! Michaels tries to grab him again, but M pulls him in and applies a triangle choke!
Hoss - This time he locks it on!
M tries to cinch in the hold, but Michaels pushes forward, forcing a break! M get’s to his feet, but Jonathan meets him with a snap suplex! Michaels grabs M’s leg and hooks on a spinning toehold! M tries to break free, but Michaels voluntarily relinquishes the hold, then slaps on a Figure Four!
Hoss - Jess, this is one of the moves Evil M showcased on NiteRaw last week!
King - Michaels has stolen it as his own!
Michaels leans back, putting pressure on M’s legs, as the challenger cries out in pain!
Hoss - I can’t believe it, Jess! Evil M is actually crying!
King - The man’s in pain, Gorilla!
Hoss - Well he better man up if he wants to escape this hold!
M struggles and makes it to the ropes, forcing a break. McLloyd has to pull Michaels off of M. M rolls to the outside, holding his leg in pain. McLloyd forces Michaels to his corner, then warns M he has to return to the ring or he’ll forfeit the match. M slowly crawls back in, still favoring the right leg. Michaels pounces on him, trying to pull him to the center of the ring, but M reaches up, grabs the arm, and pulls him down into the Crowbar! Michaels grabs the bottom rope, forcing a break. M releases the hold, then pops up with no problem.
Hoss - M was playing possum that whole time, Jess!
King - Brilliant move!
Michaels gets to his feet and lunges at M, who blocks and goes for the Crowbar again, but Michaels cuts behind him and attempts to lock on a chicken wing! M breaks free, elbowing Michaels in the face, then takes out Jonathan’s legs and applies a Boston Crab!
King - Evil M is showing Jonathan Michaels how it’s done!
Michaels uses his upper body to inch towards the ropes, but as he grabs for the bottom rope, M pulls him back and transitions into an STF! Michaels fires off some elbows with his free arm, loosening the grip, then pulls M down into a modified crossface!
Hoss - Their just trading holds and counter holds now, Jess!
Michaels tries to lock up M’s arm to fully apply the hold, but M get’s to his knees, forcing Michaels to his feet, still trying to lock in the hold. M elbows out of it, however, and hooks the arm, trapping Michaels in the Crowbar while standing, with M still on his knees!
King - Look at this Gorilla! M trying to apply the Crowbar one way or another!
M keeps the hold locked in and uses the leverage to get to his feet. Michaels refuses to be brought to his knees, but the pain is obvious in his eyes. M cranks back, causing the Champion to yell out.
Hoss - Evil M is showing us just how resourceful he is and just how dangerous the Crowbar is!
M continues to wrench back until finally, Michaels taps!
Muffer - Here is your winner, and the NEW Champion of Honor, Evil M!
Hoss - That was an unbelievable effort by both men, Jess, but Evil M has shown us just how versatile he is, and just how deadly the Crowbar is!
M clutches the belt to his chest and grabs the Yellow Jacket t-shirt, holding them both to his chest.
M - For you, YJ! For you!
M stands up and turns to acknowledge the crowd, but…
King - Fade to Black!
Michaels stands over M and points to the belt.
Michaels - Enjoy it while it lasts.
Michaels turns to leave, but Sparks runs in from behind and nails him with the Coup-de-Grace!
King - What is Sparks doing out here?!
Hoss - He promised to get even with both Michaels and M, Jess!
King - But he’s ruining the new Champion’s moment!
Sparks stands over M, who sits up and grabs him by the throat! Sparks kicks him in the nuts, then hit’s the Spinnerette! He then picks up the Championship of Honor and holds it up, before dropping it across M’s chest and leaving.
Hoss - Sparks has made an impact here tonight, Jess!
King - Yeah, at the expense of the new Champion! It’s not fair, Gorilla!
Hoss - Regardless, we must move on.
