Wrestle-CrApocalypse - April 26, 2010
Pyro goes off in the arena and we go over to the announce booth.
Hoss - Welcome to Wrestle-CrApocalypse!
King - Are you ready folks? Tonight, Viva Los Bio Dome defends the WWCF World Heavyweight Championship against five other men inside the ThunderDome!
Hoss - Also, the long-standing issue between Sparks and Amigo comes to a head in what promises to be a brutal handicap match!
King - We also have the Hardcore Championship being defended, as The Boiler Room Brawler defends against The Smokin’ Vokoun!
Hoss - The next challenger for Brawler’s Inter-Forum Championship will be decided when the top three contenders, Titanothere, Square, and TTS battle it out in a triple threat war!
King - And the war of words looks to get physical when Kris Kobain battles Inspector Shetty!
Hoss - And to kick things off, we have M.O.P.’s PPV return, as he battles The Headbanger Man!
M.O.P. V. The Headbanger Man w/ D-Day Dave
The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a one hour time limit!
(We're Not Gonna Take It)
Introducing first, being accompanied by D-Day Dave from Kent, England, weighing 263 pounds - he is one half of the WWCF Tag Team Champions The Metal Express....THE HEADBANGER MAN!
- Headbanger air drums atop the turnbuckles, while Dave shreds the guitar.
(The Days Of The Phoenix)
And his opponent, from Bergen County, New Jersey, weighing 232 pounds - please welcome back to PPV...M.O.P.!
- The crowd pops huge for M.O.P. He slaps hands on the way to the ring and poses on all four turnbuckles, as The Metal Express talk strategy on the outside.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: This should be quite the opening contest here at WrestleCrApocalypse! These two have had some battles in the past, and no doubt this is sure to be just as intense.
Jesse King: M.O.P. made his triumphant return to WWCF against The Metal Express on NiteRaw, pinning Sparks in a 6-man tag match. Headbanger Man, who has been frustrated lately, has challenged him to a match here, and these fans are in for a treat.
- Headbanger rolls back into the ring and they have a staredown. He goes to throw a punch, but M.O.P. blocks it and hits one of his own. He does this again, and goes to whip Headbanger into the ropes, but it is reversed. M.O.P. ducks under a clothesline attempt and hits a shoulderblock. He tries to follow it up, but Headbanger gets himself to the ropes, forcing M.O.P. to back up.
Hoss: M.O.P. showing us that quickness advantage early on here. He's gonna need to use that to succeed in this match, you have to think.
King: I don't have to think what you tell me, Apeman.
- Headbanger lands a punch to the midsection, and then hotshots M.O.P. across the top rope. He whips him into the turnbuckle and charges in, but gets met with a boot. M.O.P. manages to land another, and then comes out of the corner with a sunset flip!
1...
- Headbanger escapes. He boots M.O.P. down to the mat, before air drumming towards the fans, who respond with a hail of boo's.
Hoss: Headbanger needs to stay focused here. This match has only just started.
King: Focusing on these redneck fans is always a dumb move.
Hoss: What's the matter with you today?
King: Some moron asked for my autograph earlier, and then called me "Michael Gettenpill". That's why.
Hoss: I'd like to buy that man a beer.
- Headbanger picks up M.O.P. for a suplex attempt, but the Jersey native escapes, and manages to hit a reverse DDT. He hits the ropes before dropping an elbow. He tries to do it a second time, but D-Day Dave trips him from the outside. The referee goes to the outside and remonstrates with Dave, and the guitarist responds by shoving him. The official then says something to Michael Muffer.
Ladies and gentlemen, the referee has ejected D-Day Dave from the ringside area! You're outta here!
Hoss: The referee takes the initiative here and has sent Dave to the back! We're gonna see a fair fight here.
King: Dave was just looking for his contact lens on the apron, that's all.
- Dave is irate as more referees come out to send him to the back. M.O.P. sarcastically waves towards him as he is leaving, but gets clubbed by Headbanger for his troubles. The drummer hits a back suplex, and finally his tag team partner heads backstage. Headbanger drops a leg, and goes for a cover.
1...
2...
- Kick out by M.O.P. Headbanger snapmares him over, and hits the Mr Perfect rolling neckbreaker. He then hits a splash, and hooks the leg.
1...
2...
- Again, M.O.P. kicks out.
Hoss: Headbanger showing us a different side to his offense here, but its not enough to keep M.O.P. down just yet.
King: Dave's exit doesn't seem to have affected him at the moment.
- Headbanger with a scoop slam, before heading to the top rope. M.O.P. springs to his feet and climbs up there with him, nailing a right hand. M.O.P. then lands a huge superplex, but cannot capitalise straight away. He manages to negotiate a pinfall.
1...
2...
- Headbanger kicks out.
Hoss: Man, that was close. What a superplex by M.O.P.!
- Both men get to their feet. M.O.P. beats his adversary to the punch, and then hits a dropkick, which sends Headbanger through the ropes to the floor. M.O.P. follows it up with a pescado!
Hoss: Wow! What an aerial move that was! M.O.P. looks like he hasn't missed a beat here.
King: Where did he go, anyway?
Hoss: We can only speculate, Jesse.
King: I bet he went to Malibu. That's where I'd go.
- M.O.P. tries to roll Headbanger back into the ring, but the Tag Champion prevents it, and throws M.O.P. back first into the steel steps. The referee admonishes him as he gets back into the ring, and then starts to count M.O.P., who is wincing in pain.
1...
2...
3...
4...
5...
6...
7...
- M.O.P. gets to the apron. Headbanger tries to suplex him back inside, but M.O.P. blocks it, and manages to get a forearm shot in. M.O.P. then surprises Headbanger with a springboard clothesline! He makes the cover.
1...
2...
- Kick out.
Hoss: Another great move by M.O.P. there. He took a hellacious bump on those stairs, but he's still fighting.
- M.O.P. picks up Headbanger for the Jersey Driver, but Headbanger manages to grab the ropes. M.O.P. lets go, and is hit by a big yakuza kick. Headbanger Man then hits the Holy Driver!
1...
2...
Hoss: How close was that! That piledriver was devastating, but M.O.P. is showing tremendous resiliance here.
King: I'm impressed, I gotta say.
- 2.8! Headbanger goes for the Double Bass DDT, but this time M.O.P. counters and manages to hit a backbreaker. M.O.P. scales the turnbuckles and goes for a moonsault, but he misses! Headbanger scrambles to his feet and lands a kick to the midsection of a dazed M.O.P. Tigerbomb by Headbanger!
1...
2...
- Another close near-fall! Headbanger is stunned!
Hoss: What is it going to take to keep M.O.P. down here?
- Headbanger rolls to the outside, and grabs his tag title belt.
Hoss: We've seen this before from Headbanger. He gets frustrated and its ended up costing him a few matches of late.
King: I don't care. Hit him with it!
- Headbanger gets in the ring as the referee tries to stop him. He looks as if he is about to hit M.O.P. with the belt, but he thinks twice about it, and ends up throwing the belt outside the ring again. He picks up M.O.P., but the former Equalizer surprises him with the Jughandle submission!
Hoss: There it is, Jesse. The Jughandle submission move! This has won him many a match here in WWCF!
- Headbanger tries to fight out of it, but M.O.P. tightens his grip. In a last desperate act, Headbanger backs him into the corner, relieving the pressure. Headbanger goes for a charge, but M.O.P. ducks it, and the drummer ends up smacking the ringpost. Jersey Driver!
1...
2...
3!
Here is your winner...M.O.P.!
- M.O.P. celebrates as the fans go nuts. An angry Headbanger gets to his feet and M.O.P. offers a handshake. Headbanger considers it, but slaps his hand away and leaves, not even taking his belt with him. M.O.P. continues his celebration, high-fiving fans in the front row.
Hoss: A great win here for M.O.P. on his return to PPV. I have no doubt that he will be back in title contention sooner rather than later. Meanwhile, frustration continues for Headbanger Man, as he loses again here.
King: He didn't even take his belt with him. But still, that was a great opening match, and M.O.P. looks sharper than ever.
Kris Kobain vs Inspector Shetty
Referee: John Creed
Announcers: "Gorilla" Tim Hoss and Jesse King
Ring announcer: Michael Muffer
*A video package airs showing the history between Kris Kobain and Inspector Shetty.
Michael Muffer:This match is scheduled for one fall. First making his way down the asile
*Siva by The Smashing Pumpkins starts to play
Weighing in at 200 pounds from Seattle, Washington. Kris obain!
*Kris comes out wearing a Sherlock Holmes hat and sunglasses. He is wearing a black sleeveles shirt with his name and a picture of him doing The Afterburn on the front. On the back it says CAREER KILLER TOUR 2010 and there is a list of the roster's names. Dream Warrior is crossed out. He is carrying a giant plastic plant and a sign. We can't see what is written on the sign. He sets the plant and sign down on the stage and extends his arms as fireworks blast behind him. He picks up the plant and sign and walks down the ramp. When he gets to the front row he puts the plant in an empty seat. He takes off his hat and glasses and puts them on the plant as if the plant is a human. He then places the sign on the plant and we see it reads SHETHEAD FANCLUB PRESIDENT.
Jesse King:I love this guy!
Tim Hoss: You would.
*Kris walks up the steps to the apron and stands with his back against the ropes. He poses for the crowd then enters the ring.
And his opponent weighing in at 265 pounds
*Wannabe In L.A. by Eagles Of Death Metal start to play.
Hailing from Bombay, England. Inspector Shetty!
Inspector Shetty comes out with his eyes locked on Kris and ignoring everything around him.
An intense look here from Inspector Shetty.
I hope Shetty destroys Kris Kobain.
You just said you love him.
Well that was before I saw how focused Inspector Shetty is. Can't a guy change his mind once in a while? You do it all the time. You flip flop more than a fish out of water.
Right.
*Inspector Shetty gets to the ring still focus on Kris. He walks onto the apron turns to the crowd and stradles the ropes with his arms. He then enters the ring.
This is going to be good.
You always say that.
Because the matches are always good.
If they're always good then you shouldn't have to always say it. People already know. Are you calling the people idiots.
I would never say that about our great fans.
Then what's the deal? Are you paid by the word?
*The bell rings.
Here we go!
*Shetty charges Kobain and attempts to clothesline him but Kobain slides out of the ring.
What a coward. I hate this guy/
*Shetty reaches between the top and middle rope to try to grad Kris and Kris hits him with a cheap shot.
Great move. I love this guy!
Kris slides in the ring and hits a dropkck on Shetty who doesn't go down. Kris hits another dropkick and Shetty still doesn't go down. Kris bounces off the rope and runs toward Shetty who meets him with a spine buster. Shetty picks Kris up off the mat and hits him with a spike piledriver. Shetty mounts Kris raining down punches then begins to choke him while shouting "You want to talk about my family!?! Huh!?! I don't hear you talking now!?!" Creed starts a count 1.....2....3....
This is getting out of hand. Get in there and do soemthing ref!
He's doing the count. What do you want him to do, attack the wrestler? That would be dumb now wouldn't it?
*Shetty let's go of the choke at 4. Shetty lifts Kris off the mat and hits a lariat. Shetty stands over Kris and stares at Kris struggling to get off the mat. Shetty hits Kris with a kick to the stomach. Creed gets between Shetty and Kobain and bends down to check on Kris and see if he wants to end the match. Kris says no and staggers to his feet, Shetty goes for the big boot but Kris ducks under it ramming his shoulder into Shetty's other knee. The hit brings Shetty to the mat and Kris hits a standing moonsault on Shetty. As Kris lands he starts throwing punches at Shetty's face and head. Creed warnns Kris and starts the 5 count. Kris stands up and runs to the ropes. Kris hits Shetty with a dropkick to the head as Shetty is trying to stand up. Kris hits Shetty with a lionsault and stands up screaming and waving his arms taunting Shetty. Kris looks at Shetty, looks at the crowd, looks at the turnbuckle , looks at Shetty again and climbs the turnbuckle. Kris looks over the crowd again.
Quit pandering to those idiots and focus on your man. This is s stupid move.
I hate to admit it but you're absoloutley right
I thought you said you would never call the fans idiots.
You know that's not the part I was agreeing with.
As Kris is diving off the rope to hit The Afterburn Shetty is standing up. After Kris rotates Shetty catches him and hits a standing moonsault fallaway slam.
Oh my god. I can't believe what I just saw. I'm sitting right here and I don't believe that just happened.
That's pure strength Tim. Something you wouldn't know anything about.
Shetty picks Kris's limp body off the mat and sets up the Calcutter. He stops and instead shoves Kris to the mat. Shetty has his eyes fixated on the time keepr's table. Shetty leaves the ring and goes to the table and grabs the bell. and the hammer. He re-enters the ring and Creed cuts him off and tries to get the bell and hammer away. Shetty throws the hammer to the ground. Creed turns to pick it up as he does Shetty walks over towards Kris. Creed walks over to hand the hammer to the timekeeper as Kris gets to his feet. Shetty starts to swing the bell at him and Kris dropkicks the bell into Shetty's face knocking Shetty to the mat. Kris then lays down just before Creed turns around. When Kris sees Creed turn around he "struggles" to his feet and then ascends to the top rope.
Oh god. I can't believe I'm watching this.
This was the smartest thing Kobain could do Hoss
How about fighting with some honor?
That's easy to say when the match is in there and you're all the way over here.
Okay you have me there. I wouldn't want to be where either of these guys is at right now.
*Kris hits The Afterburn. 1! 2! 3!
Ladies and gentlemen here is your winner Kris Kobain!
A hard fought victory in a competitive match.
GIve me a break.
*Kris walks towards the camera then looks back at Shetty, shrugs his shoulders and smiles. Kris leaves the ring and on the way out high fives the plant in the crowd. He stops partway up the ramp and turns towards the ring watching Shetty. Shetty is yelling at Creed about Kobain using the bell on him Creed is telling him he didn't see it. Shetty leaves the ring looking like he is coming after Kris. Shetty stops and grabs the plant out of the crowd and starts tearing it apart. We see Kris on his knees distraught over Shetty tearing up the plant. We hear Kris shouting "Your number one fan! You're killing him! Somebody stop the madness!" Shetty throws the plant down and starts towards Kris who gets up and runs to the back.
*Lawyers approach the ring and enter. Suddenly, Seth appears on the Craptron from what apparently is his office.*
Seth: Well, .....because of circumstances, I have decided that in the best interest.....the Heavy Metal Harpies are officially reinstated from their suspension, starting next week.
*Paparazzi remix plays as Viva comes out with Dave, Headbanger Man, and Sparks. Viva smiles and looks at Seth.*
Viva: Hahaha, Sethy Drake, I knew you'd come around! It was really the only option. I needed my girls, my mojo back, and you needed to relent in your dictating behavior. Best of both worlds for the both of us. Well done, CEO. Anyways, there's something I have to tell you about that cop...
Seth: That detective is an actor you hired....
*Viva's smile disappears, he starts laughing.*
Seth: Yes, I know all about your scheme and I do say that it would have worked, but there are something that screwed your plan. You see, I do know people in the Parts Unknown Police Department. That includes the police commissioner and the district attorney. Immediately after your hired hand said what he said, I received phone calls from both of those people saying those charges are false and such an individual doesn't exist in their staff. Hell, when I first heard about this..........I was going to sue your ass for defamation of character.
But then I decided that that would not be needed. You see I have been trying to decypher what you and I have in common.....besides the fact that we have the same favorite hockey team. By the way.....go San Jose Sharks.
No, what we have in common is our ingenuity for manipulating the masses. You see, you tried to out-puppeteer me and in some sick sense, I can respect that. So as an appreciation for that.........I am doing you a favor by allowing your girls back into the building.
However....when I first proposed this to Jessica, she was very much not happy so I had to give her something to feel safe and that is why my attorneys are here.
*One of the lawyers hands Heavy Metal Hollywood some paper before leaving.*
Viva: What is this s***? Give me the cliff notes.
Seth: Glad you asked. Those are restraining orders that deem that if your girls want to avoid jailtime, they will keep 50 feet away from Jessica. So au revior..............
*Viva laughs.*
Viva: You got it, boss.
*The CrapTron goes off as we see Heavy Metal Hollywood look at their papers.*
Number One Contenders Match for the Inter-Forum Championship: Titanothere V. TTS V. Square
Muffer: “The following contest is a Triple Threat, Inter-Forum Rankings Match scheduled for one fall!”
The opening chords to Blue Oyster Cult’s “Godzilla” blast over the PA. Once finished, Titanothere trudges from behind the curtain, stands on the stage, lowers his head and and paws the ground with both feet. He then trudges down the ramp, up the steps and into the ring. He removes his pads and helmet and sets them on one of the corner posts, folds his arms in front of his chest and waits for his opponents.
“Down on Me” blasts over the PA as TTS walks out from behind the curtain. He walks straight towards the ring, but hesitates a bit as he stares at the monstrous Titanothere. He slowly enters the ring, keeping a close eye on Titanothere.
“I Don’t Care” by Fall Out Boy begins to play over the PA. As it reaches the first chorus, Square appears and poses on the stage, making an ‘S’ shape above his head, while sparks fly down and a whole bunch of fireworks fly over head. During this masquerade, Titanothere strikes at TTS, knocking him down with a huge clothesline. Square stops his posing and approaches the ring, only to stop and watch the carnage. The bell sounds, signaling the official beginning of the match.
Titanothere continues his assault. He levels TTS with a few punches, leading up to a big head butt. He picks him up and delivers subsequent elbow and forearm smashes. He irish whips him into the ropes and connects with a big boot on return. Square smiles on the outside. Titanothere hoists TTS over his head with ease, teases a press slam, but launches him into an unsuspecting Square.
Titanothere goes to the outside in hunt for his opponents. He grabs them both and smashes their heads together. He tosses Square into the barricade, then irish whips TTS into him. He starts clubbing on both men, delivering hard fists. Square and TTS work together, however, and push Titanothere back-first into both the ring post and steel steps. Square hops behind him and starts choking him on the ring post, while TTS delivers punches to the midsection. Square pulls a sneak attack on TTS by punching him in the face, then quickly rolls him into the ring. He starts to roll in, but is dragged out by Titanothere. ToT steps up onto the apron, but is tripped by Square and lands face-first onto the apron.
Square takes this time to quickly roll back into the ring. Slightly dazed, Titatothere ascends the apron again, but Square tosses TTS into him, knocking him off once again. As TTS bounces back, Square rolls him up in a school boy for the first cover of the match.
One, Two, T…
TTS pushes him off. Being close to the ropes, Square is yanked out of the ring by Titanothere, who tosses him into the barricade once more. Titanothere once again hops onto the apron, but is met with a leg lariat from TTS, knocking him back to the floor. TTS takes a second to catch his breath and think out his next move. This is cut short when Titanothere gets to his feet and climbs the apron once again. TTS charges at him, but ToT grabs him and head butts him. Square takes this opportunity to jump on the apron, climb over Titanothere and wring his throat on the top rope. TTS, who rolled onto the apron, charges at Titanothere and shoves him into the ring post. This sends ToT crashing to the mat below.
Square attempts to suplex TTS back into the ring, but TTS fights him off. Eventually, Square is successful, as he hoist TTS on his shoulder. Instead of finishing the maneuver, he keeps TTS elevated, making the blood rush to his head. He holds him too long, however, as TTS wriggles free and locks in a backslide pin.
One, Two, Th….
Square escapes the fall and rises to his feet, as does TTS. Square goes for a clothesline, but TTS ducks and hits an inverted DDT. He goes for the cover.
One, Two, Th…
Square gets his shoulder up!
TTS locks in a chinlock, but Square gets out of it rather quickly. TTS grabs him and sets up for a belly to belly suplex, but Square blocks it and hits his own overhead belly to belly suplex, sending TTS flying over the top rope and crashing onto a recently risen Titanothere. ToT doesn’t fall, instead he just swats TTS away and starts walking towards the ring. Square darts at him and connects with a dropkick suicide dive. This sends ToT rallying into the barricade. Square charges and hit’s a lariat, sending ToT over the barricade and into the crowd.
Square picks up TTS and rolls him back into the ring. Inside, Square looks to finish the match. He hoists TTS onto his shoulders and starts to spin around, setting up for the L7. Just as he’s about to land the move, TTS reverses it into an inverted DDT. Exhausted, it takes TTS a few seconds to get a pinfall.
One, Two, Th…
Kick out!
Groggily, TTS gets to his feet and looks set to finish the match as well. He picks Square up and sets up for the Pileup. Square fights him off and hit’s a face buster. He slowly rolls over into a cover.
One, Two, Thr…
TTS gets his shoulder up!
Both men slowly get to their feet, trading blows along the way. TTS gets the upper hand and applies an arm wringer. He starts to apply the pressure, as Square tries to break free. In desperation, he pokes him in the eye. TTS releases the hold and grabs his eye. Square takes this opportunity to hit the Squaresplosion. He hooks the leg.
One, Two, Thre…
The ref is dragged out of the ring by Titanothere, breaking the count. Square charges at him and goes for a flying cross body over the top, but is caught and is tossed back into the ring. Titanothere finally makes it into the ring and starts unleashing hell. He dishes out elbow smashes, uppercuts, head butts, forearm clubs, short arm clotheslines and big boots to both Square and TTS.
He eventually stops his fury of rage and locks TTS in a torture rack. Referee Lloyd McFloyd makes it back into the ring and asks TTS if he wants to submit. He says no, but it is visible that he wants to. He fights it off, however, and tries to find an escape. He’s unsuccessful, but he does get a helping hand from Square, he hit’s a lowblow on Titanothere. ToT drops TTS and gets down on one knee, holding his groin. Square hit’s the Squaresplosion on him, but it doesn’t fully daze him. He hits another one, but ToT is still moving. He goes for one more, but it’s averted by TTS who hit’s a discus clothesline on him. He goes for the cover.
One, Two….
Titanothere yanks TTS off of Square. He picks him up and applies a bear hug. He clenches it in hard, and squeezes with all of his might. TTS is writhing in pain, but doesn’t submit. He starts to bleed from the mouth. Just as he’s about to tap, Square comes charging at ToT and hit’s a lariat. ToT drops TTS, but stays on his feet. Square connects with a running neck breaker, bringing the big man down. He quickly goes for a cover.
One, Two….
Titanothere shoves Square off of him! He rises to his feet, while Square tries to keep him down with punches. ToT just shoves him off and then hit’s a giant spinning side slam. TTS comes running at him, but is met with a spinning side slam of his own, landing directly on Square. With both men stacked on each other, ToT hops onto the second rope. He goes for a big splash, but both men move out of the way, leaving ToT eating mat. TTS and Square follow it up with a double DDT. Both men then converse, then leave the ring. They both retrieve steel chairs and head back into the ring. They stalk Titanothere, who slowly rises to his feet. When he fully rises, he is met with a conchairto, knocking him unconscious.
Out of nowhere, Square hit’s the Squaresplosion on TTS, knocking the chair into his face. Holding his elbow, he goes for the cover.
One, Two, Three!
Muffer: “Here is your winner, Square!”
Referee Lloyd McFloyd raises Square’s hand in victory. Square makes an ‘S’ shape above his head, basking in his glory. Referees come down to the ring to check up on both TTS and Titanothere, as Square makes his way to the back to celebrate.
WWCF Hardcore Championship: The Boiler Room Brawler V. The Smokin‘ Vokoun
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Next up on Wrestle CrApocalypse is the Hardcore Championship! We have our reigning champion, the Boiler Room Brawler, taking on the psychotic Smokin' Vokoun!
Jesse King: I remember when BRB first showed up, I was sure that we'd never meet someone nearly as crazy as he is, but I think that the Smokin' Vokoun gives him a run for his money and might even make it to the bank with it too!
Gorilla Tim Hoss: A man has to be at least a little crazy to compete in hardcore matches in the WWCF, and the Hardcore championship may be a competition for the craziest of all!
Jesse King: Well let's get the insanity underway, Gorilla!
Michael Muffer: Our next match, scheduled for one fall, is for the Hardcore Championship!
"Sinner Man" by Nina Simone plays as the the crowd gives a mixed reaction.
Jesse King: The Smokin' Vokoun is clearly not the popular one here.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Neither was Boiler Room Brawler...
The Smokin' Vokoun emerges, glaring at the audience with an eye ticking. He is gripping his barbed wire baseball bat in both hands, ready to swing.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: ...when he won the Hardcore Championship. People downright booed on him.
The Smokin' Vokoun makes his way down to the ring, snapping at random audience members who recoil when he scowls at them.
Michael Muffer: Making his way to the ring, hailing from Chicago, IL and weighing 275lbs... The Smokin'... Vokoun!
Jesse King: He's young, he's hungry, and he's crazy. BRB had better be careful around that barbed wire bat.
The Smokin' Vokoun slides into the ring and glares at the audience one more time before slumping into the corner.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Just look at those eyes, King. Those are the eyes of a tortured mad man.
Jesse King: Then I guess they'll look crazier by the end of this match.
Michael Muffer: And his opponent...
"Rigorous Vengeance" by Municipal Waste hits the speakers to cheers as BRB emerges with his pipe wrench in hand and his WWCF Inter-Forum and Hardcore Championship belts over his shoulders.
Jesse King: Just look at him, Gorilla. He's a double champion. I think that that makes him just as good as the World champion.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: The magazine covers, the press, and the internet wrestling community might disagree there. BRB is certainly decorated, yes, but the World Championship is still the highest mark of excellence in this company.
Jesse King: Only if Viva Los Bio Dome wins the Thunderdome tonight, but we'll discuss that when we get to it.
The Smokin' Vokoun suddenly darts up, slides under the ropes and runs at BRB.
Michael Muffer: Making his way to the ring, hailing from Rockford, IL and weighing in at 340lbs... Your World Wrestle Crap Federation Hardcore Champion: Boi-
Vokoun runs at BRB who drops his belts and pipe wrench as Vokoun punches him in the face, making BRB back up to gather his bearings.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Good golly, Miss Molly! The Smokin' Vokoun doesn't even wait to take the fight to BRB!
The bell rings as Vokoun continues throwing punches at BRB. BRB blocks a punch and follows it up with a knife edge chop to Vokoun's chest.
Audience: Woo!
Gorilla Tim Hoss: One of BRB's powerful chops...
Vokoun throws a punch at BRB without flinching. BRB throws a quick chop at Vokoun's chest again.
Audience: Woo!
Vokoun throws yet another punch at BRB, followed by another chop.
Audience: Woo!
Gorilla Tim Hoss: The Smokin' Vokoun is taking those chops like they're love taps!
BRB catches Vokoun's next punch and Irish whips him up the ramp. Vokoun loses his footing and falls forward but rolls with it and lands on his rear. Vokoun gets up just as BRB jumps up and slams his body into him, knocking him over again with a loud impact to the metal BRB rolls off of him and sets up to drop an elbow into Vokoun's back, but Vokoun rolls out of the way and BRB drives his elbow into the ramp and winces.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Vokoun must be the fast one in this match or else BRB will get the better of him.
Vokoun stands back up and kicks at BRB as he tries to stand up. BRB grabs at Vokoun's foot and just manages to push him over and then stands up. Suddenly a liquor bottle is tossed from the audience and lands between BRB and Vokoun.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: What in the world?
Jesse King: Looks like an audience member's getting a little too excited.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Is that bottle still intact?
BRB looks down as Vokoun looks at it himself. Vokoun dives for the bottle as BRB bends over. Vokoun manages to get it just in time before BRB and starts wildly swinging at BRB's shins. BRB hops back as Vokoun stands up and holds it out in front of himself.
Jesse King: What kind of bottle is it anyway?
Gorilla Tim Hoss: I'm not sure, I can't get a good look at it...
Vokoun runs at BRB, swinging the bottle at him, BRB, blocks but is hit in the arm. He goes for a swing at Vokoun, but Vokoun ducks, moves forward, and hits BRB in the back. BRB turns around and throws a knife edge chop with his momentum behind it, toppling Vokoun. BRB continues the turnaround and drops an elbow on Vokoun. The bottle falls out of Vokoun's hand. BRB grabs the bottle and inspects it. It hasn't been opened yet. He stands up takes a few steps away from Vokoun, opens the bottle, and starts guzzling it, lazily letting the drink get all over him.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Oh, it's a bottle from one of our lesser known sponsors: Facker Aschorr!
BRB clenches his teeth and smiles, bottle label facing the camera and with a thumb up.
Jesse King: A hardcore bottle for a hardcore champion.
Vokoun gets up and runs at BRB who spits Facker-Aschorr booze in Vokoun's face, making Vokoun cover his face. BRB bashes Vokoun over the head, bends him over, and then drives him straight into the entrance headfirst.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: The Smokin' Vokoun is down!
Jesse King: Go for the pin, BRB!
BRB goes up to Vokoun and rolls him over with his foot and places his foot on his chest. Referee Lloyd McFloyd counts 1... 2... Vokoun powers out.
Jesse King: He's not done?
BRB backs up as Vokoun stands back up. Vokoun runs at BRB, repeatedly punching him in the sides as BRB bashes him in the back with the Facker-Aschorr bottle.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: These monsters are still going strong!
Vokoun manages to force BRB backstage but then he backs up. BRB runs at Vokoun but Vokoun drop toe holds him face first into the bottle.
Audience: Oh...
Vokoun looks around and spots something off camera. He temporarily leaves the area as BRB sits up and clutches his bleeding nose. A small engine starts off screen as BRB stands up.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: What's Vokoun doing?
Jesse King: What could he possibly use that involves a small engine?
BRB walks over with the bottle when Vokoun suddenly emerges with a leaf blower, surprising BRB with a blast of air to the face. Vokoun runs at BRB and takes him down with a lariat, smacking BRB against the cement floor.
Jesse King: What the hell is a leaf blower doing in the arena?
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Now's not the time to wonder, Jesse.
Vokoun lifts up the leaf blower and bashes BRB with it several times and then backs up. BRB dazily gets up, to which Vokoun blasts him again. BRB twists around to get his face out of the way, to which Vokoun runs up behind him and bulldogs him into a vending machine. BRB's head crashes through the plastic and falls to the floor. Vokoun goes for the pin.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: This could be it! We could have a new champion!
Referee Lloyd McFloyd counts 1... 2... BRB powers out and smacks Vokoun in the head with the bottle, knocking him to the ground. BRB gets up, puts the bottle in his tights, and then grabs a couple of soda pop cans. Vokoun stands up and BRB throws a soda pop can at him, hitting him straight in the chest. Vokoun backs up from the impact but throws a blast of air at BRB, who throws another soda pop can at the leafblower. The can explodes, fizzing soda pop everywhere.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: That can't be good for the leaf blower...
The leaf blower malfunctions as BRB grabs another two cans. Vokoun lifts up the leaf blower and throws it at BRB, who throws a can in response, but the leaf blower overpowers the can and hits BRB in the head, making him fall over into the machine.
Jesse King: Everything is a weapon to these guys!
Gorilla Tim Hoss: It's a hardcore match, King, and that's the name of the game!
Vokoun runs at BRB and lays punches into him as BRB bashes him in the face, cutting him with the edges of a broken can.
Jesse King: Let me remind you that hardcore is actually about the absence of disqualifications and count outs...
Vokoun grabs a can, shakes it, opens it, and sprays soda pop into BRB's face.
Jesse King: Weapons are merely incidental.
BRB shoves Vokoun out of the way and stumbles about with his arms probing the area. Vokoun runs up to him, strains, and lifts up BRB, just barely belly-to-belly suplexing BRB into the cement floor and goes for the pin. Referee Lloyd McFloyd counts 1... BRB powers out again.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: I don't think that I've ever seen someone so viciously take on BRB.
Jesse King: Except for "Damn Right" Jackson, who hopefully will not become our World Champion tonight...
Both men stand up. BRB looks around and Vokoun runs at him, attempting a lariat, but BRB catches him, twists the arm around Vokoun, and lifts him up.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: A flying hammerlock from BRB! Is this match going to be technical?
BRB runs forward and slams Vokoun into the vending machine.
Jesse King: Don't kid yourself, Gorilla. We have a pair of brawlers here.
Vokoun still cannot get out as BRB runs out of the room and returns to the arena.
Jesse King: Heck, one of them has "Brawler" right in his damn name, and he's beating the stuffing out of the other one!
The crowd pops as BRB emerges from the entrance. Just as Vokoun is about to twist out of BRB's flying hammerlock, BRB sits down and slams Vokoun facefirst into the ramp.
Audience: Ooh...
Jesse King: That'll leave a mark on the Smokin' Vokoun!
Gorilla Tim Hoss: You're not jokin' Jess...
BRB stands back up and runs backstage.
Jesse King: What's...
BRB returns with a rolled up gardening hose.[/color]
Gorilla Tim Hoss: A garden hose!
Jesse King: I haven't been beaten with a hose since I was eight, TH! I bet that it would still hurt!
BRB grabs the free end of the garden hose and then chucks the rolled up end at the reviving Vokoun, knocking him over again. Vokoun stumbles back and loses his footing again, falling over the edge.
Jesse King: The Smokin' Vokoun can't keep up with the Hardcore Champion!
BRB starts to swing the garden hose around as Vokoun doesn't emerge.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: What is Vokoun doing?
Jesse King: I'll bet that he's making a run for it!
BRB stops swinging the hose. Vokoun climbs back up and runs at BRB, getting whacked in the process but he doesn't stop and proceeds to jump up onto BRB's back and puts a tow chain around BRB's neck, the chain wrapped around his hands, and tries to choke out BRB.
Jesse King: This is like watching Animal Planet, Gorilla...
BRB walks around with Vokoun on his back, whacking him with the garden hose but Vokoun doesn't let down and BRB starts to get down on one knee.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Bah gawd! The Smokin' Vokoun might just tame this bucking bronco!
BRB is down to both knees and appears to be losing consciousness as the crowd begins to boo Vokoun, who has a piercing gaze under his crimson mask.
Jesse King: A tow chain can't be the end of Boiler Room Brawler!
BRB goes limp, held up by Vokoun, who is now grounded and on his feet. Referee Lloyd McFloyd lifts up BRB's arm once and it falls. Vokoun laughs out of relief.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: I said it before, King. I have almost never seen a submission victory in a hardcore match.
Referee Lloyd McFloyd lifts up BRB's arm a second time, and suddenly BRB raises his other arm as the crowd pops. BRB starts to stand up and wraps the garden hose around the back of Vokoun's neck and yanks on him, putting his body weight into the hoisting throw. Vokoun is thrust forward but BRB clutches him by the waist.
Jesse King: What a reversal by BRB! That's how ya do it, put your weight in it!
BRB is about to drop down for a piledriver when he suddenly drops Vokoun, who lands back first. BRB clutches at his crotch and lets out a look of utter pain as Vokoun grins with his teeth clenched.
Jesse King: Oh no, he didn't...
Gorilla Tim Hoss: If there are children watching, their parents may want to make them turn away, we're sorry for this. The Smokin' Vokoun is a loose cannon.
Jesse King: It's official Gorilla. I think that the Smokin' Vokoun is crazier and more psychotic than Boiler Room Brawler is and was!
BRB gives a menacing glare at the now standing up Vokoun, who unwraps the tow chain from one of his hands and starts swinging it around, with the fans trying to stay out of the way.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: He's going to hurt the fans! Stop him, BRB!
Vokoun lets the chain loose at BRB, who suddenly catches it, giving Vokoun pause.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: BRB caught the chain!
BRB grins and starts pulling, to which Vokoun returns the favor.
Jesse King: And it's a hardcore tug of war!
Gorilla Tim Hoss: BRB has the weight, but Vokoun still has a good bunch of chain wrapped around his hand.
Vokoun leans back and BRB lets go, making Vokoun stumble back, lose his footing, and fall over the edge to the side of the ramp again.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Brawler is a smarter cookie than people think and that was a good move.
BRB grabs the garden hose, pulls the Facker-Aschorr bottle back out of his tights, and wraps the garden hose around it.
Jesse King: Such innovation.
Vokoun reemerges, to which BRB throws the bottle at him with the hose wrapped around it, hitting him straight in the chest.
Audience: Ooh!
Vokoun grabs the hose before BRB can take it back. He pulls on the bottle itself as BRB pulls on the hose, and eventually the bottle slips out of the hose as BRB gets a loosened knot back.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Not good.
Jesse King: Man is that Smokin' Vokoun resilient though. Both of them are!
Vokoun climbs back onto the ramp as BRB swings the hose at him but Vokoun raises his arm and blocks it, making the hose go around his arm but he grabs onto the knot and then throws the bottle at BRB, who stumbles backwards, but maintains his footing through arm flailing that makes him lose grip of the garden hose.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: I'm glad neither of these guys is mad at me!
Jesse King: Well they respect senior citizens, I think.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Oh will you stop it?
Vokoun runs at BRB but BRB catches him, lifts him up, sticks his knee out, and brings Vokoun crashing down onto his knee, straight into the groin. BRB then grabs Vokoun and belly-to-belly suplexes him onto the ramp. Vokoun rolls down the ramp, right next to the Championship belts, BRB's pipe wrench, and his barb wire baseball bat.
Jesse King: And so it comes full circle. What kind of man is Vokoun? Will he go with old faithful? Be ironic? Or use his enemy's weapons against him?
Vokoun grabs his barb wire baseball bat and stands back up as BRB comes running down the ramp. Vokoun spins around and slams the barb wire bat straight into BRB's belly.
Audience: Oh!
BRB twists around and falls on his back, clutching his belly, which is cut up and bleeding underneath shredded tights.
Jesse King: I think I'm starting to like the Smokin' Vokoun...
Vokoun raises his barb wire bat over his head and brings it down on BRB's leg.
Audience: Ooh...
Vokoun raises his barb wire bat over his head again and swings straight down at BRB, but BRB narrowly dodges it and kicks it out of Vokoun's hands.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Where does that kind of display come from?
Jesse King: Boiler Room Brawler is a desperate man, Gorilla. He has to try anything against the Smokin' Vokoun at this point.
Vokoun walks up and drops an elbow into BRB. BRB pulls out a screwdriver from his tights and jams it in Vokoun's forehead, drawing more blood.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Brawler came prepared tonight, that's for sure.
Jesse King: He obviously knows how to take care of himself. But is it enough to keep this rabid dog down?
BRB sits up and pounds the butt of the screwdriver into Vokoun's head, making Vokoun retreat to tend to his head as BRB stands up and looks around.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: What will be Boiler Room Brawler's next move?
BRB walks over and grabs his belts as Vokoun gets up. BRB turns to Vokoun and holds out his belts, one in each hand.
Jesse King: BRB's going to literally show Vokoun just who is the champ!
BRB slams the belts into both sides of Vokoun's head, making Vokoun fall over. BRB leans over Vokoun, who can only dazily watch as BRB shouts at him and points to his belts when the lights suddenly go out.
Jesse King: Oh crap...
The lights go back on as BRB looks around. The Man in Black stands before him with Jonathan Michaels's patented tack chair.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: That was meant for BRB! It's a gift from possibly our greatest Hardcore champion ever to him.
The Man in Black raises the chair over his head when BRB suddenly swings both of his belts when the lights go out again.
Jesse King: Son of a bitch!
The lights go back on, and the Man in Black stands behind BRB, while The Hangman stands before him, a look of anger quickly overcoming his confusion. BRB angrily mumbles something and throws a front kick at The Hangman.
Jesse King: BRB, behind you!
The Man in Black swings the tack chair straight into BRB's back.
Audience: Ah!
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Oh my god!
Jesse King: This is sabotage!
BRB stumbles forward, tacks sticking out of his back when The Hangman Irish whips him into the ring steps. The Smokin' Vokoun sits up and looks around.
Jesse King: Hey, go get 'em, Vokoun! They're ruining your match!
The Man in Black goes over to The Hangman and points to the ring. The Hangman rolls with it and they hoist BRB back into the ring. The Man in Black slides the tack chair into the ring.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: What is The Hangman doing here anyway? Isn't his night already filled?
The Hangman and the Man in Black enter the ring as The Smokin' Vokoun stands up and grabs BRB's pipe wrench
Jesse King: Haven't you been keeping up? The Hangman is big, he's bold, and he's annoyed that Brawler mistakes him for a Brazilian.
The Hangman drags BRB to the center and the Man in Black places the tack chair on top of BRB. Vokoun walks up the ring steps.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Is he aligned with the Man in Black?
Jesse King: Who knows? We need to know who the Man in Black is before we can truly determine that.
The Hangman climbs up to the top turnbuckle, as does the Man in Black on the opposite side.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: This is looking kinda like a team-up if you ask me.
Jesse King: Except that The Hangman looked confused when he first appeared.
Vokoun crosses the ropes, as the Man in Black and The Hangman leap off their top ropes, each delivering a leg drop onto the tack chair, driving it into BRB's chest and belly.
Audience: Oh!
Gorilla Tim Hoss: The Hangman with his patented Guillotine Leg Drop, but the Man in Black also used a leg drop...
Vokoun goes to swing BRB's pipe wrench at the Man in Black but the lights go out again.
Jesse King: Oh enough with this!
The lights come back on and the Man in Black is gone, but The Hangman remains, standing in the corner, gesturing to BRB. Vokoun gives him a psychotic glare but he drops down and goes for the pin.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: It can't end like this!
Referee Lloyd McFloyd counts 1... 2... 3. "Sinner Man" by Nina Simone hits the speakers to a shower of boos.
Michael Muffer:: Here is your winner by pinfall and new World Wrestle Crap Federation Hardcore Champion: The Smokin'... Vokoun!
Gorilla Tim Hoss: This is a miscarriage of justice!
Jesse King: I think that we can be damn sure that they'll both want a rematch!
The Hangman crouches down and picks up a waffle maker that he was hiding behind his feet in the corner.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Oh no, it's not over yet, King!
Jesse King: A waffle maker? Watch out, Vokoun!
The Hangman walks behind Vokoun as Vokoun is handed the WWCF Hardcore Championship belt. He lays Vokoun out with the waffle maker from behind.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: The Hangman is a monster and an opportunist!
Jesse King: The Hangman is a young and hungry buck in this company... But he may be picking the wrong battle with the wrong people tonight.
The Hangman holds up The Smokin' Vokoun's WWCF Hardcore Championship belt and points at it, shouting in French, and then throws it down at Vokoun. "Ballad of a Hangman" by Grave Digger plays on the speakers as The Hangman storms out of the ring. Boiler Room Brawler and The Smokin' Vokoun are laid out, the Hardcore Championship resting on The Smokin' Vokoun's chest.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: That was a wild and treacherous end to a brutal match. BRB has lost his championship and The Hangman has thrown down the gauntlet to both men.
Jesse King: BRB still has his WWCF Inter-Forum Championship though, and the show must go on, Gorilla, as Wrestle CrApocalypse continues!
.4-on-1 Tornado Handicap match: Amigo, Blackout, The Hangman, and Xavian Gunn V. Sparks
King: And now, our next match, a 4-on-1 Handicap match featuring Sparks against Amigo and friends.
Hoss: This match is not going to be pretty. I fear we may see the end of a bright, young career here tonight!
King: It certainly is unfair, but that's the way Amigo likes it. Anyways, let's go down to Micheal Muffer for the official introductions.
Muffer: The following match is a 4 on 1, Texas Tornado, No Disqualifications, No Countouts, Elimination Handicap match! One fall for Amigo, Hangman, Blackout & Xavier Gunn, four falls for Sparks, and there is no time limit. Primary referee is Lloyd McFloyd, secondary ref is John Creed.
First, in the Blue corner, from Sevierville, Tennessee, he stands 6 feet, 3 inches, and weighs in tonight at 216lbs. The current Bassist for the Heavy Metal express, Sparks!
"Pull Me Under" starts up, as Sparks, minus Bass guitar, sprints to the ring, and looks around the Arena to make sure it's safe.
Hoss: Good idea to avoid getting jumped there by Sparks. He looks both ready and nervous at once.
King: Woo, you got to think how badly this match for Sparks backfired on him. He didn't even know of the Hardcore stipulation until now. He has a Herculean task in front of him.
Hoss: I, and it seems most of the fans, feel sympathy for this young man, being fed to the hungry lions in the Human Hate Machines and Xavier Gunn. I hope he has something planned, or else, this will be a massacre!
Muffer: And his opponents. First, in the Red corner, from Seattle, Washington, he stands 5 feet, 11 inches, and weighs in at 245lbs. He is Xavier Gunn!
*Gunn emerges with brass knuckles to boos, but stays near the curtain*
King: Looks like Smokin' Vokuon's partner is waiting for his buddies to arrive before going out.
Hoss: Strange on how it was Sparks that was Gunn's first opponent here in the WWCF.
Muffer: And his partner. From the City of Angels, Los Angeles, California, he stands 5 feet, 11 inches, and weighs in tonight at an impressive 295lbs. The newest member of the Human Hate Machines, Blackout!
*As a nameless beat plays, Blackout emerges with a Barbed Wire Baseball Bat, and stands next to Gunn*
Hoss: Even after Schizophrenia has ravaged his brain, you have to admit, King, since he has joined the Human Hate Machines, Blackout has become a larger force here in the WWCF.
King: It seems Amigo's tutelage has clicked with him quite well.
Muffer: And their partner. From Port Royal, Jamaica, he stands 6 feet, 5 inches, and weighs in at 300lbs. The Haitian Horror, Hangman!
*With a noose and casket, Hangman comes out, and stays near the curtain with Gunn and Blackout*
King: It was via roll-up by Sparks on that man that this match is happening. And I bet Hangman hasn't forgotten either.
Hoss: You have to think he's looking to redeem himself in front of Amigo, and impress for the WWCF Hardcore title.
Muffer: And the last partner. From Tempe, Arizona, he stands 6 feet even, and weighs in at 214lbs. The first ever WWCF World Heavyweight Champion, and co-leader of the Human Hate Machines, Amigo!
*Boos from every imaginable corner of the Arena ring out, as Amigo, armed with two different bags out weapons and a Sickle and Chain on his neck, comes out. He and his partners now head to the ring*
King: That man walking down the aisle has to be one of the most sadistic men I have ever met. He seems so cruel and sociopathic!
Hoss: He has a heart of stone frozen in black ice to be sure. But now, what it desires most right now is Sparks' blood.
King: I am starting to fear for Spark's well-being, and...oh, would you look at that!!
Sparks' opponents swarm the ring, and take him down. Gunn also sucker punches Muffer, who goes down and is taken out by ring attendants. Now, all four men surround Sparks and start laying into him with stomps and weapon shots. Sparks tries to roll out, but he is held down by Amigo, and bludgeoned in the bare back by Blackout's barbed wire bat, causing him to scream in pain. Gunn pours lemon juice into the wound, as Hangman nails him with a Cowbell. Sparks tries some punches to Gunn, but Blackout soccer kicks him in the head. Amigo then takes a Spike, and jams it into Sparks' webbing between his fingers.
King: Oh my goodness, Sparks is surrounded and being beaten down! Damn them, he had no chance to react and now no time to defend himself!
Hoss: I think it might be already over now, if Sparks can't get out!
Sparks goes down low on Blackout, and starts to get free, when Amigo drags him back in, and smashes him with a roll of quarters. Sparks falls to the mat, as they begin to attack him once more. Gunn goes and gets a chair, and lays it down on Sparks, while Hangman goes up and drops the leg onto him. Gunn pins Sparks for 2! As Gunn picks him up, Sparks does a double dropkick to him and Hangman, and bashes Blackout with the chair! Now one-on-one for the moment, Amigo and Sparks duke it out, but a knee strike from Amigo crumples Sparks, as he and the others jumps back onto him. But even so, Sparks is still trying to rise up!
Hoss: Sparks is fighting, scratching, pulling and cheating for his life! He's still alive, but he can't get going with any offense!
King: He's showing tremendous heart and tenacity, but no man can win in this kind of environment!
Gunn finds a beer bottle at ringside and tries to hit Sparks, but he grabs it, and hits Gunn with it, but Hangman nails him with a 2x4. Amigo then goes to the corner, and the three men hold Sparks down. He takes out the hand sickle, puts the blade up to a lighter, and starts stabbing Sparks in the forehead with it. Sparks screams in utter pain, as Amigo starts to twist and swing the blade for maximum pain. As Sparks' writing of pain frees him form their grips, amigo drives the blade into Sparks' back. He then starts bashing Spark's head in with the handle.
King: Will somebody stop the damn match?!? This isn't wrestling, this is gangland brutality! That man Amigo, which I use with the lightest terms possible, he's not a wrestler! He's just a homicidal sadist, an animal! And even things like Jackals and Hyenas aren't as bad!
Hoss: Dear God, I knew Amigo hated Sparks, but I didn't know to this degree! I can't imagine he'll be done until Sparks lays dead on the mat, with his heart cut out! And the way this match goes, that may happen!
As Amigo tosses the scythe away, the others raise Sparks up, but Sparks lights a Fireball in Hangman's face! As he elbows and punches and scratches at Gunn and Blackout, Amigo takes a strange glove, and punches Sparks square in the face. blakcout then takes a bag containing a mixture of lemon juice, salt and mustard and pours it onto Spark's wound on his bakc, causing massiv pain. As Sparks goes down and aorund the mat in agony, Hangman takes his noose, and wraps it around Spark's throat, and tosses him over the ropes, trying to choke him out. Amigo takes the chain and wraps it around Spark's throat, too.
Hoss: Even as Sparks fights, this can't go on much longer!
King: If anybody can hear me in the back, please stop this match before we see a fatality in the ring!
As Hangman and Amigo stop their lynching, Sparks drops to the mat. Rolling him in the back of the ring, Gunn tosses fire at him to wake him up. As they stomp on him, Sparks grabs Amigo's foot and trips him. as Sparks crawls away, they catch him again, and K.O. him with a chair.
Hoss: He still may be bleeding, screaming, and dying, but Sparks still lives!
Blackout and Gunn roll out, and push a Coffin into the ring as Hangman and Amigo reach into his bag, and takes out several odd looking bottles. As Gunn and Blackout put Sparks into the coffin, Amigo and Hangman douse Sparks and the coffin with a strange liquid from the bottles.
Hoss: Ugh! What the Hell is that smell? Wait.......Is that what I think it is?!?
King: That's....... That's Kerosene! Oh God, is he..
*Amigo lights up a torch*
Oh, no, he couldn't, he wouldn't! Amigo is going to burn Sparks to death! Somebody, anybody, come out, before Sparks DIES!!!
Hoss: Hurry!
As Amigo takes a swig of the Kerosene, he goes over to the coffin and prepares to spew fire onto it, and Sparks. Suddenly, Viva, D-Dave, and Headbanger runs out! As D-Dave and Headbanger attack blackout and Hangman, Viva kicks Amigo, causing him to miss. However, a small flame still lands onto the coffin.
Hoss: The Heavy Metal Express have come! They have saved Sparks from potential death!
King: but an errant ember from Amigo still got onto the Coffin! Sparks is still in mortal danger!
Muffer: As a result of interference, the match is ruled a No Contest!
King: Who cares about that? We have bigger problems now!
Hoss: Like the issue of the burning coffin!
*As the factions wage war, Jazzman runs out with a bucket of water and cloths*
Hoss: Jazzman?!? What is he doing here?
*Jazzman, manages to get Sparks out, put out the fire on him, and carries him out*
King: Well, Sparks is saved, but we still have a big problem in and around the ring!
*Suddenly, from the curtain emerges Smokin' Vokuon and Square!
Hoss: The calvary has arrived!
King: Nevermind that, look in the ring!
Headbanger and D-Dave have gotten the kerosene bottles and torch and have set Xavier Gunn on fire. As Gunn in consumed in flame, he runs around the ringside, and to the entrance ramp as Smokin' and Square pass him, with ring attendants chasing after him with buckets of water and fireproof towels.
King: Gunn is on fire!! He is completely set aflame as he runs to the back? He is likely covered head to toe in 3rd degree burns!
*As Square and Smokin' arrive, Yellowjacket runs out*
Hoss: And now Yellowjacket has had enough of Amigo's cruelty! It looks like it's now Amigo, Square, Hangman, Blackout and the Smokin' Vokoun versus Viva Los Bio Dome, D-Day Dave, Headbanger Man & Yellowjacket!
King: I shudder to think of what's next!
D-Day and Headbanger brawl with Hangman and Blackout, Yellowjacket is surrounded by Square and Smokin' while having a chair, and Amigo is stabbing Viva in the head with a 12-inch blade. D-Dave hits Hangman in the eye with a ring-equipped fist, causing him much pain, as Headbanger and Blackout strangle eachother. Yellowjacket is put through the announer's table, as Viva struggles to escape from the Knife.
King: This is nothing more then a Pier 6 street fight!
Hoss: What now?
The entire locker room pours out to break up the fight. While everyone else is separated, Viva, now with the Knife, and Amigo, with the sickle are still in the middle of the ring, and are still trying to go at it. Amigo can be heard saying to Viva; You were born in your mother's s***!! as Viva tries to jump over. Although they manage to break out and stab eachother, finally both sides are fully pulled away.
Hoss: It looks like it's finally over!
As both sides are pushed to the entrance ramps, Amigo grabs a Mic:
Listen up, you bunch of pink spandex leopard print wearing, b****-haired, limp-wristed f*****s! You EVER get in my way again, and I'll kill every goddamn one of you pieces of motherf***ing s***! Peace!
*Leaves flipping off the audience*
King: That *ahem* "match" had to be one of the more depraved things I've ever seen in the Squared Circle. I have no idea if Xavier Gunn or Sparks will even have a career after this!
Hoss: I don't know what will happen next, but I can't imagine Amigo won't go without a fine and/or suspension after this stunt.
King: Agreed. And now, it looks like a war between his and Viva's forces are brewing.
Hoss: Truly a sick, sick man.
ThunderDome Match for the WWCF World Heavyweight Championship: Viva Los Bio Dome V. Evil M V. Jazzman V. Yellow Jacket V. Jay Carroll V. “Damn Right“ Jackson
Special referee: Jonathan Michaels
The ThunderDome begins to lower as a low buzz comes over the crowd.
Hoss - Well Jess, the time has arrived.
The entire roster(minus Sparks), make their way to the ring and take their positions on the Dome.
Muffer - Ladies and gentlemen. The time is now.
The following contest is your main event of the evening. It is for the WWCF World Heavyweight Championship, and it is to be contested under elimination rules. Ladies and gentlemen…
WELCOME TO THE THUNDERDOME!!!
*DOA*
Smoke fills the entrance as Jonathan Michaels, clad in a referee’s shirt, makes his way to the ring.
Muffer - Introducing first, he is your special referee and the Champion of Honor, Jonathan Michaels!
*Man on the Silver Mountain*
Yellow Jacket slowly walks to the ring, a cocky, yet cautious look on his face.
Muffer - Introducing first, Yellow Jacket!
*Thunderstruck*
Evil M walks out slowly. He sees the weapons hanging inside the Dome and smiles.
Muffer - Next, Evil M!
M enters the Dome. He and Yellow Jacket shake hands before going to separate corners/
*Feeling Good*
Jazzman walks out to a nice ovation.
Muffer - Jazzman!
King - Gorilla, Jazzman is the only one of the six with any ThunderDome experience. You gotta wonder how that’s gonna play into this match.
*Panic Switch*
Jay Carroll also receives a nice ovation as he makes his way to the dome.
Muffer - Jay Carroll!
Too Black…
Too Strong…
DAMN RIGHT!!!
*Bring Tha Noise*
Jackson walks out to a chorus of boos from the crowd. He just smiles and continues his walk to the ring.
Muffer - ”Damn Right” Jackson!
*Paparazzi*
Viva makes his way out, the belt draped over his shoulder, as the crowd showers him with boos, rivaling the reaction Jackson received.
Muffer - And, the WWCF World Champion. He is the self-proclaimed King of Hollywood. Viva Los Bio Dome!
As Viva enters the Dome and the door shuts, everyone goes for the Champion as Michaels calls for the bell.
Hoss - And off to the races we go!
King - Remember, it’s every man for himself and elimination can occur by pinfall or submission!
Hoss - And the rest of the roster is there to make sure nobody tries to get out or in the Dome!
Jazzman get’s a hold of Viva, while Evil M pairs off with Jay Carroll and Yellow Jacket with Jackson. All six men brutalize each other inside the Dome. Jackson picks up Jacket and lawndart’s him into the side of the Dome, only to turn in to a big boot from Evil M! M grabs Jackson by the throat and tosses him into the side of the Dome, then chokes him against the structure, using his foot. From his spot on the outside, BRB cackles at Jackson’s predicament. Carroll comes up behind M and nails him with a chair, before rolling him up!
1!
2!
Kickout!
M absorbs another chair shot, then tosses the object aside and lifts Jay up by the throat. He tosses him into the corner, then charges at him…
RIGHT IN TO THE STING!!!
Hoss - Yellow Jacket just hit the Sting from out of nowhere!
King - On his own tag team partner!
YJ doesn’t have time to gloat, as Jazzman spins him around and fires off some punches, then shoots him into the ropes. YJ ducks a clothesline, comes off the other side, misses with a clothesline of his own, and runs into a dropkick by the former World Champion! Jazzman lifts him up for Takin’ The A-Train, but Yellow Jacket fights out of it and snap suplexes him! Cover!
1!
2!
Kickout!
YJ pulls Jazzman up, but is cut off by Viva, who clothesline’s him, then hit’s a flying forearm on Jazzman. He tries to position him for the Bio-DOME, but Jackson cuts him off with a lead pipe across the knee, then a big DDT! Cover on the Champion!
1!
2!
Kickout!
Hoss - How close was that, Jess?!
King - Gorilla, the World Champion was just seconds away from being the first man eliminated from this match!
Jackson hoists Viva up, for looking for High Attitude, but instead, Carroll hit’s a big dropkick, knocking DR back against the side of the Dome! Jay charges, but Evil M intercepts him and slams him into the side of the structure! Jazzman tries to rush M, but is met with a throat thrust, then a scoop slam! Viva hit’s a couple grazing shots before being swatted away with a big right hand! Meanwhile, YJ tries to take down Jackson, but is felled by the big man. Finally, it’s just Jackson and M.
Hoss - Here we go, Jess! The two big bulls are the only ones still standing!
King - Gorilla, I’ve been waiting to see this for a long time!
Jackson and M tie up. M backs Jackson up against the Dome, but Jackson quickly turns it around and is soon trying to rake M’s face against the steel! M knocks him back with an elbow, then grabs him by the throat! Jackson breaks free with a kick to the midsection, then hooks M for the High Attitude! He hit’s it! Cover!
1!
2!
3!
Muffer - Evil M has been eliminated!
Hoss - Oh man! DR Jackson has just eliminated the biggest threat in the match!
King - Not only eliminated him, he also took his place!
Jackson looks around for his next victim and sets his sights on the bloodied World Champion.
Hoss - Viva still showing the effects of involvement in that hellacious bawl earlier tonight, Jess.
King - And one thing Jackson is good at, Gorilla, is exploiting a weakness.
Jackson picks Viva up, only to drop him with a big right hand! He then picks up a chair.
Hoss - Jackson with bad intentions in mind here.
Jackson raises the chair overhead…
And Yellow Jacket knocks it back in his face with The Sting! Carroll dives on him for the cover!
1!
2!
Kickout!
Hoss - How the hell did he kick out of that?!
King - Gorrilla, we’ve seen Jackson survive stuff that would keep most men down for the count. It’s gonna take quite a bit to elimin- LOOK OUT!!!
Jazzman dives off the side of the dome onto Jackson! Cover!
1!
2!
KICKOUT!!!
King - NO WAY!!!!
Jackson get’s to his feet, but Viva is up as well and meets him with some punches. After about five hits, he stops, taunts Jackson and….
Spins around and nails Yellow Jacket with the Purple Sticky Punch! Cover!
1!
2!
3!
Muffer - Yellow Jacket has been eliminated!
King - And another one bites the dust!
Jackson immediately grabs Viva, but the Champion low blows him, allowing Jazzman to hit a big double ax handle, staggering Jackson! Carroll then catches him with a big chair shot, then The Last Call! Jazzman pulls Jackson up, shoots him into the corner, and hit’s Takin’ The A-Train! Finally, Viva picks Jackson up and hit’s the Bio-DOME! Cover!
1!
2!
3!
Muffer - DR Jackson has been eliminated!
King - Yes! Jackson is out! He will not be leaving with the WWCF World title!
Hoss - But one of the three remaining men will!
Jazzman, Viva, and Carroll all eye each other warily, all knowing what’s at stake. It’s Carroll who makes the first move, charging Viva and hitting a dropkick! Jay turns his attention to Jazzman, much to the crowd’s delight.
Hoss - Here we go! This is a showdown we’ve been waiting to see for months!
Carroll and Jazzman lock up. Some back and forth between the two, Jazzman whips Jay into the ropes, Carroll comes back with a clothesline, Jazzman right back up, armdrag, Jay back up, walks into a dropkick, cover!
1!
2!
Kickout!
Both men up, Jay whips Jazzman into the corner, then hit’s a running forearm, only to be knocked to the mat by Viva! Viva snap suplexes Jazzman out of the corner! Cover!
1!
2!
Kickout!
The Champion pulls Jazzman up, but Jay shoves him out of the way, then hit’s the Last Call on Jazzman! Cover!
1!
2!
3!
Muffer - Jazzman has been eliminated!
Hoss - And then there were two!
King - One of these men will leave with the World Title, Gorilla!
Jay and Viva square off. Viva charges, but Jay back body drops him into the side of the Dome! Jay follows up immediately with a suplex! Cover!
1!
2!
Kickout!
King - So close, Gorilla!
Carroll picks Viva up for the Last Call, but Viva get’s free and ram’s Carroll’s head into the side of the Dome! On the outside, The Family tries to rally Jay, while The Metal Express cheers on Viva. Viva pulls Jay up and hit’s a reverse suplex! Cover!
1!
2!
Kickout!
Hoss - Jay Carroll holding on, Jess! He wants that Championship!
Viva climbs to the top rope and goes for a body press, but Jay catches him and slams him to the mat!
King - Viva is down!
Hoss - But does Carroll have enough left to cover him?!
Jay crawls over and drapes an arm over the Champion!
1!
2!
KICKOUT!!!!
Hoss - MAN! I thought that was it!
Both men slowly get to their feet and meet in the center of the ring. After trading punches, Viva goes for the Purple Sticky Punch, but Jay ducks it and hit’s the Last Call!
King - It’s over Gorilla! That had to be it!
Cover!
1!
2!
3!
NO!!!
Hoss - The World Champion got his shoulder off the mat at the very last second!
Jay can’t believe it! Frustrated, he looks up, wondering what he has to do to put Viva away. On the outside, Dave and Headbanger doubleteam referee Floyd McLloyd and steal the key for the Dome! They attempt to get in, but are stopped by the Family! As the two sides brawl, both Carroll and Michaels are distracted. Suddenly, Sparks runs down to ringside and slides a pair of brass knucks to Viva, before being ambushed by the Human Hate Machines! As all the carnage is happening outside the Dome, Viva slides on the knucks, spins Viva around, and delivers a brutal Purple Sticky Punch! Cover!
1!
2!
3!
Muffer - Ladies and gentlemen, your winner, and still WWCF World Heavyweight Champion, Viva Los Bio Dome!
Viva celebrates as the Dome rises. On the outside, Headbanger and Dave have come to Sparks’ aid, igniting a 3-way brawl between the Family, the Hate Machines, and HMH! All three stables battle it out as Michaels and the remaining stars attempt to break it up! The Truth Coalition run back out and also join the brawl, as does DR Jackson, who makes a beeline for BRB. Jazzman rejoins the fight as well, and pretty soon, the entire roster is going at it as the show comes to a close.
Writing Credits: Headbanger, Kris Kobain, Seth Drakin, Viva Los Bio Dome, Yellowjacket, BRB, Amigo, and Evil M
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