Gookermania 1 - September 29, 2008

GookerMania 1 Results
Monday September 29, 2008

Money in the Bank-On-A-Pole Match
Buggy The Clown V. MolotovMocktail V. Koda89 V. TAFKA Above Average V. Legion V. Madman Szalinski V. Disco Stu V. Starshine V. D-Lirious 2 V. RX-78-2 V. TromboneMan V. Ravishing Rob Rude

Synopsis: This match was a human train wreck- in a good way! All 12 men battled it out, trying to eliminate each other, so that one could climb the pole and retrieve the briefcase. Legion and Above Average, former partners in N00clear Heatz111!! worked together to eliminate Ravishing Rob Rude early in the match. Koda and Disco Stu, the dark horses of the WWCF formed their own alliance, eliminating D-Lirious 2. TromboneMan relied on the assistance of the Sam08 Family, who were at ringside. With their help, TromboneMan was able to eliminate MolotovMocktail. Legion and Above Average formed a temporary alliance with TromboneMan to pick off Disco Stu and Koda. While TromboneMan kept Koda busy, Legion tossed Stu over the top rope, taking him out of the contest. TromboneMan then targeted Madman Szalinski, hitting the C Note before dumping him to the floor. Buggy The Clown, who had been hiding under the ring for most of the match, snuck back in the ring and dumped Starshine out. Buggy then tossed RX-78-2 out. Legion and Above Average worked together to get rid of Koda. TromboneMan then eliminated Buggy, bringing it down to TromboneMan, Legion, and Above Average. TromboneMan took the advantage early on, with help from the Southwest Connection, who entered the ring and hit Legion and Above Average with chairs. However, once the referee sent Tyfo and LittleNaitch to the back, Above Average was able to rally, hitting a dropkick on Legion, sending his former partner to the floor. Above Average and TromboneMan then made their way up opposite sides of the pole at the same time. Just as Above Average was about to grab the briefcase, TromboneMan grabbed his trombone and slammed it against Above Average’s head, knocking him to the mat. TromboneMan then easily reached up and grabbed the briefcase, becoming the 2008 Money in the Bank winner.

Winner: TromboneMan

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Good Housekeeping Match
General of the Monkey Army V. Your Uncle Seth Drakin

Synopsis: The ring crew brought out the household appliances as Seth and the General made their entrances. Seth Drakin showed his proficiency with the household weapons early on, clobbering the General with a broom. Above Average, however was still at ringside from the previous match. As he exited, he grabbed the kitchen sink and hit a good shot to Seth’s head, rattling the host of “Uncle Seth’s Neighborhood.” Seth was able to regain his bearings, however, and press a hot iron against the back of the General. With the General writhing in pain, Seth delivered one final shot with his trusty crowbar and scored the pinfall.

Winner: Your Uncle Seth Drakin
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TLC Inferno Match
Evil Masked wordlifeecw V. LittleNaitch V. Motor-Colt

Synopsis: LittleNaitch started things off by grabbing a ladder from ringside and using it to lay out both of his opponents. The Evil Masked One, however, simply shrugged off the blow and downed Naitch with a single throat thrust. He then set up the ladder and delivered a flying clothesline to both men. Wordlifeecw then knocked both men to the outside and hit a spectacular springboard plancha onto both of them. Wordlifeecw grabbed Colt and tossed him into the ring, but LittleNaitch slowed the Evil Masked One temporarily with a poke to the eyes. Colt used the opportunity to climb the ladder and retrieve the blowtorch. He then used it to SET THE LADDER ON FIRE!!! wordlifeecw and Little Naitch returned to the ring, where wordlifeecw was somehow able to hit a double big boot to his opponents. As Naitch got up, wordlifeecw knocked him back down again with a chairshot. However, as he turned around, Motor-Colt dropkicked wordlifeecw, knocking him into the burning ladder, but the Evil Masked One surprisingly did not catch on fire. Naitch recovered from the chairshot and began brawling with Motor-Colt. wordlifeecw used the opportunity to place the still-burning ladder around his neck and whirlybird it into both his adversaries. He then grabbed the blowtorch and lit a table on fire. The Evil Masked One then chokeslammed Motor-Colt through the table, winning the match.

Winner: Evil Masked wordlifeecw

*Following the match, a staff member ran down and sprayed Motor-Colt with a fire extinguisher. As this happened, LittleNaitch rolled back in the ring and grabbed the blowtorch. He snuck up behind wordlifeecw and clocked him with it, then used the torch to light the Evil Masked One on fire. The staff member quickly sprayed wordlifeecw with the fire extinguisher, as EMTs ran down to tend to both Motor-Colt and wordlifeecw*
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Death Match For The Undisputed 24/1 WWCF Hardcore Championship
Tyfo [c] V. The REAL Hardcore Champion The Tank

Synopsis: At the start of the match, Above Average again made his presence felt, running out and hitting Tyfo with a Singapore cane. As Above Average left, The Tank went to work on Tyfo, hitting an inverted poke on the champion. However, LittleNaitch ran out and caught The Tank off guard with a devastating DDT! The Tank rallied, knocking Tyfo back with a chairshot. He then followed up with another shot with the Singapore cane that Above Average left in the ring. Tyfo recovered and hit The Tank with a garbage can. He then tossed a chair at The Tank. Tank caught it, but Tyfo quickly spin kicked the chair into the Tank’s face. As the match was still going on, Madman Szalinski made his way to the ringside and made the following speech.

Ladies and gentlemen...welcome to GookerMania.

Now, you might say I've had a pretty successful career here in the WWCF. Runner-up in the massive Battle Royal, the semifinals of the World Title tournament. I may not have done anything special, and I really don't have any friends...but I went a lot further than expected.

As much as I have wanted to continue on, and maybe one day attain a championship...there is a world outside of this great little place, and it kicks my ass up and down, side to side, diagonal, and counter clockwise. I believe now, on the biggest stage of all, is the time to announce that I, Madman Szalinski, am retiring from active competition here.

My humor and postiive attitude are detriments to my competitiveness. I'm not a bad guy and I'm not the kind of person who can talk trash and be confident in my superiority over the rest of the roster, no matter how I try. The truth is, it's a major deviation from who I am and what I try to do to go around smacking people upside the head with a Super Nintendo, or torturing people with synapse-blasting Miley Cyrus music.

What I would like to do, is play to my strengths as a friendly funny guy. Starting today, I am putting my name in the hat to become WWCF's official Mic Stand slash Special Commentator. Need someone to interview you? I will gladly be the Kevin Kelly or Jonathan Coachman to your Rock. Does a certain match need some extra commentator power? I look good in a headset. Or, would you just like a cyan companion? I'm here for you, folks.

Thank you to everyone who supported me. Thank you to everyone who competed with me. And hell, thank you to everyone who thinks I'm annoying and ignorant. Whether you let me leave with chants of "please don't go" or "na na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye" my time here as a competitor was a good one and I hope I have some more good times as the official Mic Stand of WWCF.

Now, someone hit my music!

As “Skinhead Skinhead,“ (Madman’s theme) started to play over the PA system, Tyfo hit Madman in the back of the head with a brick. This allowed Tank a chance to recover and hit the LARIAT-O!!! on the champion. As EMTs escorted Madman to the back, Tyfo stood up and grabbed the microphone.

You know what, I'm here to be part of the very best Tag Team in the world, The Southwest Connection. We have a Tag Team Championship match on PPV next month. I don't need the Hardcore division and I don't need it's title.

*Tyfo blasts Tank with the belt, then drops it on top of him and walks away*

I forfeit, he can have it.

Winner: The Tank(New Undisputed Hardcore Champion)
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TromboneWeight Championship Match
El Senor V. TromboneMan [c]

Synopsis: *A scale is set in the middle of the ring with the words "Tromboneweight Sclaes" written on it*

The following contest is set for one fall and it is for the Tromboneweight Championship!

Making his way to the ring, accompanied by his manager, The Sam08. Weighing in at 255 lb and 6 ounces, and the NEW money in the bank winner, TromboneMan!

First off, WOOO! WE'RE THE MITB WINNER! WE DID IT! WOOOOO!!!!
Now, who is man enough to dare take on TromboneMan for the greatest title in WWCF history? Who is the first opponent dare you ask? Well get ready, history is about to be made.

*a short, fat man wearing a mask and cape comes from behind the curtain*

Making his way to the ring! From Mexico, he's a champion in every promotion he's been in! He's the heart of Mexico, El Senor! Now, El Senor. Please step on these scales.

*El Senor steps on the scales. *The Sam looks at the weight*

Meh, I guess he's the right weight limit. Ok, ring the bell.

*ding-ding*

*El Senor turns around. He's about ready to lock up with TromboneMan. The Sam08 then wacks el Senor with the Title belt. TromboneMan lists up El Senor and hits the C Note on El Senor. He places one foot on El Senor’s chest for the 1 - 2 - 3*

The winner and STILL TROMBONEWEIGHT CHAMPION! TROMBONEMAN!!!

Winner: TromboneMan(Still TromboneWeight Champion)
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WWCF Forum Championship Match
One Doley Nation V. j.d. [c]

Synopsis: Doley started with a chlothsline, right off the bat. j.d’s response was to lock in an armbar. J.d. then sent Doley into the ropes and caught him off the rebound with a back body drop. The Forum Champion then layed into his opponent with a series of hard shots the kidneys. He followed that up with a dropkick, then a kick to the groin area when the referee wasn‘t looking. j.d then hit the Delayed Inverted DDT to pick up the win.

Winner: j.d.(Still WWCF Forum Champion)
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*Backstage, wordlifeecw walks into the trainer's room, where The Tank is being tended to*

"So, you too, huh? This Sam08 Family thing has gotten out of hand. We beat them fair and square, but they had to get the last word in. And TromboneMan winning MitB? Disgraceful.

Now, we're not friends. We're two different people, but still. Some of wrestling's greatest alliances were polar opposites. I'm not looking for a tag team partner, or even anything, but there is strength in numbers. Just think about it."

*Leaves, and heads toward TAFKA's locker room. Enters*

"Look, I just talked to The Tank, and I'll tell you what I told him. The Sam08 Family has gotten out of control. Remember, there's strength in numbers. Think about it."

*Exits*

*Seth is backstage smiling with his Neighborhood Watch surrounding him.*

Well....it seems that General was not as good as I am at keeping a house clean. I proved that tonight by beating that man in a Good House Keeping Match. Also....congrats to Tank on winning the Hardcore Title. You see, Tank is a man who has ducked every non-verbal cue that I want a match with him. Now I'm sure you may be asking would the Hardcore Title be on the line? That is just too savage for a guy like myself. You see all I want to do is beat him. Beat him and prove who the better man is. No interference.....no excuses. But I guess Tank isn't much of a man then, is he???

And TAFKA, I would suggest you watch your back over the next few weeks because you never know when that kitchen sink you hit me with may come back to find its user.

Now that is all, Mr. Camera Man. You may want to leave right now or I can have my Neighborhood Watch remove you themselves. I am sure they won't mind if they do have to remove you from my sight.

*The camera man gets the hint and leaves.*
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WWCF World Tag Team Championship Match
Providence and Justice V. Stryker Duck Silence [c]

Synopsis: MiLo and Stryker started off strong, whipping Justice into the ropes and hitting a spinebuster-like move on him. However, TheSam08 ran down to the ring. Stryker saw him and gave chase, leaving MiLo to fend for himself. Providence and Justice picked up MiLo and delivered a whiplash. Justice then distracted the referee, allowing Providence to hit MiLo with his chain. Providence and Justice then hit the Shining Impact to capture the titles.

Winners: Providence and Justice(New WWCF World Tag Team Champions)
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*Camera cuts to The Tank in the garage, walking past cars*

*pant* *pant* Tyfo, you pathetic little bitch. The Tank would've beaten you anyway, but instead you walk away like a little bitch. Now, The Tank had plans when he had beaten you, but since you ran off like a pussy, The Tank's had to change his plans. He's had to re-think things. And, he's realized that either way, win or loss, he's realized something important:

That this...

*holds up the REAL Hardcore Championship and the WWCF Hardcore Championship*

....is a worthless piece of S***!

*The Tank throws both titles into a dumpster, then throws gasoline tanks into the dumpster.*

The Tank is a main-event talent. The Tank is a living legend. The Tank is an ICON! He's the jabroni-trashin', clownass-thrashin', bitch-hangin' ho-bangin', one of a kind, oft maligned, gangsta lean annihilation machine!!! And he doesn't need to be wasting his time on worthless s*** like this god-damned garbagecore belt!!!

*The Tank produces a lighter*

As of right now, the WWCF Hardcore Championship is officially vacant.

*The Tank throws the lighter into the dumpster. A glorious blaze rises from the dumpster*

D-Dayve, The Tank reques....no, DEMANDS a shot at the winner of the Bob-Amigo match. And, D-Dayve, if you refuse to give The Tank this match, he's fine with that. Because he's sure that his good friend John S. Amigo will be more than willing to give his ol' buddy The Tank a title shot. Won't ya, Johnny?

*The Tank removes his sunglasses*

And whoever ends up winning the new WWCF Hardcore Championship, whoever ends up holding that unified belt next week...you leave The Tank the hell alone. He's done with the Hardcore Title.

*The Tank jumps into his '09 'Vette and drives off*

*Seth is seen watching Tank's promo*

Once again, Tank is ducking a challenge. Now I gave him a verbal challenge and yet he ignores me again. You see, The Tank has proven once again how much of a man he isn't.

Tank, I have challenged you over and over again yet you have ducked me every single time so now I am going to say this point blank. No....it isnt that old Ric Flair saying "To be the man, you have to beat the man" because I am obviously not the man or world champion. But here is my version. To be the man, you have to first act like a man and you have shown time in and time out that you can't be a man......since you have NO BALLS.

So I want to make this clear to the boss. If Tank is going to face anyone, it is going to be me. If he wants to become the World Champion, he will have to go through me......and when he does face me, I will beat him and he will be like where those two titles are right now.....burning in a garbage can.

*In the General’s locker room*

It takes a man to say he is defeated and Uncle Seth you are the better man. Sure you did use a crowbar and last time I checked they don't use a crowbar in the kitchen. I may have lost, but take note WWCF, The General will go to war with anyone. I have a little surprise for all of you next week. Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!

*Fancy satellite cameras show The Tank watching Seth's promo on a TV in his 'Vette's dashboard. The Tank slams on the breaks. The two cars behind him crash into each other.*

Okay, THAT'S IT, SETH!

YOU WANT THE TANK, YOU'RE GETTIN' THE TANK!!!

YOU AND ME, SETH! NIGHT OF THE WRESTLING ZOMBIES! NUMBER ONE CONTENDERSHIP FOR THE WORLD TITLE!!!

*The Tank speeds off again, avoiding the crash easily.*
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WWCF World Heavyweight Championship Tournament Final
John S. Amigo V. Bob Schlapowitz

Synopsis: The match began with Amigo and Bob showing off some very impressive chain-wrestling, with Amigo gaining the advantage. Amigo knocked Bob to the mat, and climbed the ropes. As Bob got to his feet, Amigo knocked him back down again with a double axe handle. He followed that up with a lariat, and then a hurricanrana. Amigo then hit the Flying Burrito on his opponent. At this point, wordlifeecw came out to the ring and distracted Amigo. While Amigo and wordlifeecw argued, Bob charged, but Amigo saw him and moved, causing Bob to crash into wordlifeecw. Amigo quickly spun Bob around and hit the Mighty Dick Punch For Great Justice to become the first WWCF Champion.

Winner: John S. Amigo(New WWCF World Heavyweight Champion)

*As Amigo celebrates, wordlifeecw climbs into the ring and Chokeslams the new champion*

"I've been warning you. I've told you I'd be coming after you, and that it would happen when you least expected it. Granted, I had hoped to cost you the match, but it was not in the cards. Regardless, you now have to make a decision. I challenged the winner of the tournament to a NON-TITLE match on NiteRaw. If you're a true champion you'll accept this challenge, with an added stipulation- if I beat you, I gain entry into the Chamber of Horrors match. Sound good?"

*wordlifeecw then returns to the back*

*Amigo gets to his feet*

You want a match, bucko? All you had to do was say "Please". But, I got a stipulation if I win. You will work for me in tag matches willingly until the contract expires.

*Amigo resumes his celebration*

As Amigo is celebrating, the Sam walks down to the ring and helps Bob get out of the ring. As he is doing so John pushes Sam in the back, The Sam turns around and starts getting in Johns face.
John and Sam are almost about to beat each other up when Bob jumps on top of John and they begin brawling.
John crawls out of the ring and Sam has hold the World Title and raises Bobs hand.

Suddenly, The Sam wacks Bob with the World Title. Bob is lying on the ground, dazd and confused. The Sam looks down on him with an evil grin, The Sam then waves for John to come into the ring followed by The Family. The Family then take turns holding up Bob and punching him in the face.
Evil Mask and Motor Colt try and rescue Bob but The Family are too strong and take them all down one by one.

The closing moments of Gookermania show The Family hugging and smiling with John Amigo, Bob and Colt and wordlifeecw are all out cold and The Family hold John s Amigo above their shoulders and parade around the ring with the World Title in hand.

*screen fades to black*