Ernest Goes To War Games - February 22, 2010
("The Voodoo Lawyer" TTS is sitting at a black round table with Fred G. Neric, Lanny Poffo, and Verne Johnson the little person WWCF referee.)
Neric- Okay TTS what are we doing here?
TTS- We are performing a seance to bring back Ernest P. Worrell from the grave.
Neric- What? That's crazy. It'll never work.
TTS- Shut up Neric or we will use you as a sacrifice. Okay now everyone join hands.
Lanny Poffo- I don't want to touch Verne's hand. I might shrink or something.
Verne- What?! I don't have a disease you moron.
TTS- Guys! Pay attention and just join hands and close your eyes or else I won't give you that fried chicken later.
(The group joins hands and TTS starts to talk.)
TTS- Oh great spirits. Hear my dark chicken sacrificed black magic and let the one known as Ernest return to us. Hamummmmmmm!
(The group opens their eyes.)
Lanny- Uhh nothing happened.
Neric- Yeah this is ridiculous.
TTS- Shut up and lets try again. This time we will all hum so that the great spirits can hear us better.
(The group joins hands again and all start to hum. All of a sudden lightning is heard and the table starts to shake. The door in the corner opens slowly with a creak and white smoke is floating out of it. Ernest P. Worrell steps out of the smokey white fog.)
Ernest- Ernest P. Worrell at your services. hehe
Neric- Oh my gosh! It worked!
Lanny- Wait a minute. As a genius I have a PHd in the History Of Ernest Movieology. How do we know this guy isn't a fake?
(Lanny walks up to Ernest and starts stretching his face and looking at him close.)
Ernest- Ow!! That hurts.
Lanny- Wow it really is Ernest.
(Ernest looks over at Verne the little person referee.)
Ernest- Hey Verne!!! I can't believe your here. I tried to get back from the dead and see you sooner but the big guy upstairs said I couldn't. He is pretty almighty and all but he is a little pushy. Know what I mean?!
Neric- Wow Verne. Are you really thee Verne?
Verne- Yeah it's a long story. Me and Ernest met way back in the 80s when I was going to Wrestling Referee School.
(Ernest Looks over at TTS' caged chickens in a corner.)
Ernest- Hey are those chickens? I love chickens. When I was a youngster I raised chickens and they were my best friends. Sometimes they would pluck at you though for no reason. Know what I mean?
TTS- Yeah if you wait around we were going to have fried chicken later.
Ernest- What? You can't kill those chickens. Their living creatures with feelings.
TTS- Sure I can kill them. I do it all the time.
Ernest- Well you won't as long as Ernest P. Worrell is around!
(Ernest picks up some of the caged chickens and runs out the door.)
TTS- Hey brings those back!! Jay Carroll paid good money for those!!
Two Tribes plays over a video highlighting the Sam-Seth feud, as well as the various issues between the members of both teams, and the Championship feud between Aaron Enigma and Viva Los Bio Dome.
Pyro goes off as we go live to Jesse King and Gorilla Tim Hoss at ringside.
Jesse King - Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Ernest Goes to War Games!
Tim Hoss - Tonight, the WWCF roster goes to war!
Jesse King - The Sam and Seth Drakin have been going back and forth for months in a war of words, but tonight, it get’s settled when each man leads a five-man team into War Games for all-out fight to the finish!
Tim Hoss - Not only that, but King Viva Los Bio Dome will challenge the WWCF Champion Aaron Enigma for the gold!
Jesse King - The self-proclaimed “King of Hollywood” has been on role since winning the King of WrestleCrap tournament last month, but the WWCF Champion is nothing if not resilient! It is sure to be an amazing Championship showdown tonight!
Pin-to-win battle royal(last two men remaining will receive a Tag Team Title match at Saved by the Bell)
- Double H, The Fishmonger, KCB, Cage King and Warrior 2099 are already in the ring.
The following is the "Pin To Win" battle royal! The two surviving participants once everybody else has been eliminated will earn a WWCF Tag Team Title shot at the Saved By The Bell PPV! The only way to be eliminated in this match is by pinfall.
(Masked Hero X Theme)
Weighing in at 201 pounds, here to fight for justice against all evildoers...MASKED HERO X!
(Godzilla)
Making his WWCF debut, from La Brea, California, weighing 366 pounds, he is The Monster From The Mesozoic Age...TITANOTHERE!
(Down On Me)
From Davie, Florida, weighing 290 pounds..."THE VOODOO LAWYER" TTS!
- TTS sacrifices a chicken as everybody in the ring looks on, shocked and appalled.
(Blitzkreig)
From Seattle, Washington, weighing 245 pounds...XAVIAN GUNN!
- Xavian walks menacingly to the end of the ramp, leering at the crowd, as images of him flash violently on the 'Craptron.
(Sinner Man)
From Chicago, Illionis, weighing 275 pounds...SMOKIN' VOKOUN!
- Vokoun walks down the ramp, staring at many fans in the front row. He joins Xavian at ringside, before both men enter the ring and pose on the turnbuckles.
(Days of the Phoenix)
And finally, from Bergen County, New Jersey, weighing 232 pounds...M.O.P.!
- M.O.P. comes out to a big pop. He slaps hands with a few fans, before entering the ring to complete the field.
"Gorilla" Tim Hoss: There we have it, folks. All the participants are in the ring, and ready to go!
Jesse King: There's a tag team title shot at stake here for the two men who outlast the competition here - this is a big opportunity for these guys.
Hoss: Absolutely, Jesse. We have some relative newcomers, as well as some WWCF veterans involved here. Remember this is not a conventional battle royal, as each participants has to be pinned in order to be eliminated.
King: Yep. You can hurl them over the top rope all you like, it won't count for nada in this one.
- M.O.P. and TTS square off, as on the other side of the ring Gunn and Vokoun are talking strategy. Double H, KCB and The Fishmonger attack the pair, but are soon overpowered. Cage King trades blows with Masked Hero X, and Titanothere goes to work on Warrior 2099, hitting headbutts and a boot.
- Vokoun nails KCB with a big lariat. Double H and The Fishmonger are taking turns to deliver right hands to Xavian Gunn. They try to double suplex him, but Vokoun clubs them both from behind. Gunn takes Double H down with a DDT, and then nails a huge Shining Wizard as he tries to get up!
- Meanwhile, Titanothere hammers away at Warrior 2099, and then goes to execute a gorilla press drop. The Mexican counters with an eye rake, but runs into a tilt-a-whirl side slam from the newcomer. TTS hits M.O.P. with a kneelift, and charges towards him, but M.O.P. ducks and sends the voodoo lawyer crashing to the outside! The Equalizer then takes him down with a pescado!
Hoss: Wow, high impact offense from M.O.P. already here!
King: Indeed. He and TTS have history stemming from that unificiation match a few weeks back.
Hoss: And in the ring, it appears as if this alliance between Smokin' Vokoun and Xavian Gunn is proving beneficial to both men, as they are really dominating the proceedings at the moment!
- Masked Hero X takes down Cage King with an enziguri. He goes for the first pinfall, but the rapper manages to kick out at 2. He groggily gets to his feet, and is met by the Blazing Lariat!
1...
2...
3!
Cage King has been eliminated!
- Masked Hero X celebrates this triumph, but is attacked from behind by with a forearm club by Titanothere. Meanwhile, M.O.P. and TTS are still fighting on the outside, as TTS takes him down with a snap suplex.
- Vokoun and Gunn continute to dominate the rest of the pack. Gunn takes down Warrior 2099 with an STO. Fishmonger approaches Gunn, ready to attack, but is hit by the poison mist! Juke Joint Jezebel!
1...
2...
3!
The Fishmonger has been eliminated!
- Double H hits a basement dropkick on Gunn, to try and avenge the elimination of his friend. Vokoun whips KCB into the corner and charges, but is met with a boot. KCB climbs to the top rope and attempts a crossbody, but is caught. Vokoun lifts KCB onto his shoulders and hits a Samoan drop. He then locks in the Mandible Claw! KCB is prone on the mat!
1...
2...
3!
KCB has been eliminated!
- On the outside, TTS hammers away at M.O.P. He then tries to drop an elbow from the apron, but M.O.P. avoids the contact. In the ring, Titanothere takes down Masked Hero X with a scoop slam, before Warrior 2099 blindsides him. Double H manages to take Gunn to the canvas, and goes up to the top floor for the Shooting Star Press, but Vokoun spots this. He hits a brutal left hand, and then scales the ropes himself. Smoke Bomb from the top rope!
1...
2...
3!
Double H has been eliminated!
Hoss: Smokin' Vokoun and Xavian Gunn are really looking impressive here!
King: They certainly are. Double H nearly got driven clean through the mat there!
- Outside the ring TTS goes for an Irish whip, but M.O.P. reverses it and gets sent into the ringpost. M.O.P. snaps Warrior's neck across the top rope and tries to get back into the ring, but TTS grabs his leg and brings him down, and M.O.P. lands face first on the apron.
- Titanothere hits a gutbuster on Warrior, but then Masked Hero X takes him down with an armdrag, followed by a nice dropkick which sends the Monster from the Mesozoic Age to the corner. Gunn and Vokoun set their sights on the superhero, who sees them approaching. He ducks under a double clothesline attempt, and hits a mule kick to Gunn. He then hits a springboard dropkick on Vokoun, as the crowd cheers.
Hoss: Masked Hero X holding his own here! Titanothere having a good showing in his debut as well.
King: Right you are, Apeman. Here on the ouside, M.O.P. and TTS are still hammering away at each other! They've been out there for almost the entire match!
- M.O.P. hits a short-arm clothesline, and then whips TTS into the barricade. Finally, he gets back into the ring, and trades shots with Warrior 2099. Gunn and Vokoun recover as Masked Hero tries a monkey flip on Titanothere, but instead its countered, and turned into a powerbomb of sorts. TTS decides to look for weapons under the ring, and pulls out a kendo stick.
Hoss: TTS is gonna bring a weapon into play here, this could be dangerous!
- Warrior 2099 holds M.O.P. in place as TTS gets back into the ring. He swings, but M.O.P. ducks and Warrior takes the impact instead. TTS throws the former Inter-Forum champion back outside, shrugs, and makes the cover on a lifeless Warrior 2099.
1...
2...
3!
Warrior 2099 has been eliminated!
Hoss: Well, TTS clearly meant to nail M.O.P. with that shot, but instead he's conspired to eliminate Warrior 2099!Not that he'll be particularly bothered by this, however.
King: There are 6 men left, including the tandem of Gunn and Vokoun, as well as Titanothere.
Hoss: Absolutely. This crop of newcomers are really sending a message here in this one.
- M.O.P. tries to get back into the ring, but TTS hits a baseball slide. Gunn pairs off with Titanothere, while Vokoun battles with Masked Hero X. TTS goes outside with the kendo stick, but is met by a trash can lid shot from M.O.P.!
- In the ring, Titanothere launches Gunn into the corner, but misses with an avalanche. Gunn rolls him up with his feet on the ropes.
1...
2...
- Titanothere powers out. Gunn kicks him in the gut and sets up for a piledriver, but it is countered into a backdrop. The 366-pounder drops a huge elbow and then scales the turnbuckles! Smokin' Vokoun sees this and tries to intervene, but he is tripped by Masked Hero X. Titanothere comes off the top with a huge splash on Gunn! He covers.
1...
2...
3!
Xavian Gunn has been eliminated!
- Vokoun is apoplectic with rage. He kicks Masked Hero away and squares off with Titanothere. On the outside, M.O.P. and TTS continue to battle, as M.O.P. gets backdropped over the barricade!
Hoss: The newcomer just eliminated Xavian Gunn. Now we are going to see a showdown between these two big men!
King: M.O.P. and TTS continue to brawl on the outside! What's gonna happen here?
- Titanothere and Vokoun exchange words and look as if they are about to go at it, when Masked Hero X tries to hit them with a double clothesline. Both men turn their attention to the man formerly known as Cthulu, who charges at them again, but is knocked over as if he hit a brick wall. Vokoun picks him up and hits the Smoke Bomb, and immediately afterwards Titanothere hits the Extinction Event gutwrench powerbomb. Vokoun then boots Titan in the head and makes the cover himself!
1...
2...
3!
Masked Hero X has been eliminated!
Hoss: Masked Hero X apparently getting ideas above his station there.
King: There's only so much heroism he can exhibit, Gorilla.
Hoss: We're down to four here!
- Finally, Titan and Vokoun start trading punches. Titan gets the advantage with an uppercut, but Vokoun rakes the eyes. The basement dweller hits a Bionic Elbow from the middle rope, but it doesn't take Titan down. Vokoun hits a running lariat, but it rocks his opponent instead of taking him down. Finally, Vokoun manages it with an impressive belly to belly suplex. Cover.
1...
2...
- Kick out. M.O.P. and TTS both roll back into the ring simultaneously. TTS lifts him into a fireman's carry, but M.O.P. counters, ending up behind TTS, and hits a flip neckbreaker. Vokoun attacks him with a knee to the midsection, and goes for the Mandible Claw, but M.O.P. escapes with a blatant kick to the nether regions.
Hoss: I don't care what galaxy you're from, that's gotta hurt!
King: What, you're quoting The Phantom Menace now? Man, you epitomise the word 'loser'.
- Titan gets back to his feet, and spears Vokoun down! M.O.P. tries to get Titan in the Jughandle, but gets backed into the turnbuckles. He is then picked up, and put in an airplane spin by Titanothere! The crowd gives a nostalgia pop. After a while he lets go of the hold and M.O.P. stumbles...straight into the Pile-Up from TTS!
- However before he can capitalise, Titan boots him to the mat. Vokoun slides under the bottom rope, and searches under the ring himself. Titan goes to hit TTS with the Execution Event, but after the second headbutt, Vokoun smacks Titan in the back of the head with a sledgehammer! TTS looks on as Vokoun makes the cover.
1...
2...
3!
Titanothere has been eliminated!
Hoss: It took a sledgehammer to do it, but this monster has finally been taken down!
King: For this night, Gorilla. But I've got a feeling big things are in store for Titanothere on the basis of this showing!
- TTS and Vokoun stare down, and then the Voodoo Lawyer hammers away, before nailing a leg lariat. He hits several quick elbow drops, and makes the cover.
1...
2...
- Kick out by Vokoun. M.O.P. gets himself to his feet via the ropes. TTS picks up the sledgehammer, and goes to hit Vokoun with it, but M.O.P. stops him with a spinning heel kick. He picks up TTS, and successfully hits the Jersey Driver! M.O.P. hits a low dropkick on a seated Vokoun, and then makes the cover on TTS.
1...
2...
- Foot on the rope! M.O.P. can't believe it! He goes to hit another on TTS, but Vokoun interrupts with a big boot. Pulling piledriver on M.O.P.! Vokoun hooks the leg.
1...
2...
- Kick out from M.O.P. this time!
Hoss: Nobody is staying down for the count here, this is unbelievable!
- A frustrated Vokoun goes to the outside and grabs the ring bell. He sees both men down on the canvas, and he stares at the crowd, who boo him. He looks forlorn, but he seems M.O.P. stirring. After deliberating, Vokoun smashes M.O.P. across the head with the ring bell, busting him open! The impact sends him to the floor below.
Hoss: Good grief, what a shot with that ring bell! M.O.P.'s bleeding like a stuck pig!
King: This guy's insanity knows no bounds it appears.
- Vokoun turns his attention to TTS, but gets hit with a low blow! DDT onto the ring bell by TTS! He crawls into a cover.
1...
2...
3!
Ladies and gentlemen, the survivors and new #1 contenders to the Tag Team Titles...M.O.P. and TTS!
Hoss: Oh man, what a devastating move by TTS! He's become the first man to pin Smokin' Vokoun here, and he's earned a Tag Team Title opportunity on top of it!
King: Not that M.O.P. knows anything about it, he's still out cold!
Hoss: Well, these former adversaries are gonna have to co-exist at Saved By The Bell if they wanna capture the gold! That was a crazy match, ladies and gentlemen!
- TTS stands over Vokoun, smiling. M.O.P. lays prone outside the ring, still feeling the effects of the ring bell. TTS poses on the turnbuckles, and then exits the ring. He drags M.O.P. up the ramp with him to the back.
Tim Hoss- Okay Jess now we are going to go backstage and get an exclusive look at the Heavy Metal Hollywood locker room.
(The camera enters the locker room and it is real fancy with two security guards, hot women, and all kinds of fancy hollywood and heavy metal memorabilia. Headbanger is sitting behind his drums, Koda over on a couch with some of the girls, and Viva is sitting in a huge black and white gold throne with his King Of Wrestlecrap crown on. Everyone is partying as D-Day Dave greets the camera.)
D-Day Dave- Welcome one and all to the Heavy Metal Hollywood locker room. You see with H.M.H. becoming one of the biggest and most famous factions WWCF has ever seen I figured we'd give you a behind the wrestling music look at the band. Heavy Metal Hollywood is becoming so huge these days I figured that we ought to hire our own security.
(Dave walks us over to two big mean looking guys.)
D-Day Dave- I'd like you all to meet the official H.M.H. Security....Vince Hetfield and Axl Roth. If any of the other peasant WWCF wrestlers decide to take a cheap shot at us they are going to have to deal with these two!
(D-Day Dave walks us over to the hot groupies.)
D-Day Dave- And over here we have the hot women of Heavy Metal Hollywood.
(Dave takes the hand of a burnette.)
D-Day Dave- First up we have the so hot she's untouchable Marissa Logan.
(Dave grabs the hand of a black hair latino looking girl.)
D-Day Dave- And here we got the hottest mamacita to ever walk the world Lisa Garcia.
(Dave grabs the hand of a blond who looks really familiar.)
D-Day Dave- And here we have my personal favorite and my new personal valet. You may recognize her as that redneck Whitey's girlfriend Lexxxie Houston, but her stripper days are over and she will now be known by her real name Alexa Anderson.
(Dave walks up to "The King of Hollywood" Viva Los Bio Dome. Dave acts like he has a microphone in his hand.)
D-Day Dave- King Of Hollywood himself Viva Los Bio Dome. Tonight you have a match for the WWCF World Championship against that rat snitch Aaron Enigma. Do you have any thoughts?
Viva Los Bio Dome- Yes the King Of Hollywood does have some thoughts but it is but one thought. Tonight I shall go into the prestigious squared circle, make Aaron regret the day he stepped into it with me, and become the greatest WWCF World Champion of all time.
D-Day Dave- Well that's all the time we have for you regular peasants tonight! So camera guy if you don't have a backstage pass I'd suggest you better get the hell out of our locker room.
(The camera guy doesn't move. Viva takes off his crown.)
Viva- Didn't you hear him you minimum wage moron!? Get the hell out of here. Security!!!
(H.M.H. Security Vince Hetfield and Axl Roth grab the camera guy and toss him out into the hall.)
Non-title four corners match: Starshine V. D-Day Dave V. "Damn Right" Jackson V. Headbanger Man
Michael Muffer: And now... the next match of the evening, scheduled for one fall, is a Four Corners Match.
"Supermassive Black Hole" by Muse hits the speakers to a general crowd pop.
Michael Muffer: Hailing from Sydney, Australia... weighing in at 220lbs... Starshine!
Jesse King: Starshine is in for a rough match. He's the only non-champion in the match tonight.
Starshine heads to ring and poses to the crowd.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: But Starshine could pull through as well. As Two-Time Tag Team Champion he can probably read the Heavy Metal Express like a book. And he may in fact want to get even with his former boss, our former CEO D-Day Dave, and that's why I find this match interesting, King.
Michael Muffer: And his opponents...
"We're Not Gonna Take It" by Twisted Sister hits the speakers.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: This should be an interesting match up, Jesse. The Heavy Metal Express would be well-advised to stick together until the end and then slug it out.
Michael Muffer: Now entering the ring, weighing in at a combined weight of 498lbs... your WWCF Tag Team Champions... D-Day Dave and the Headbanger Man... The Heavy... Metal... Express!
Jesse King: I agree with you there. They have the advantage of being able to work with each other and having a positive relationship.
Craptron: Too Black...
The crowd begins booing.
Craptron: Too Strong...
Jesse King: Here he comes...
Craptron: Damn Right!
"Bring Tha Noize" by Anthrax featuring Chuck D. hits the speakers as the crowd erupts in a chorus of boos as DR Jackson emerges, seemingly ignoring them and arrogantly smiling.
Jesse King: I hope that DR Jackson gets beaten to a pulp in this match, TH! His arrogance knows no bounds! If I was in my prime I'd climb right in there and take care of him myself.
Michael Muffer: Now entering the ring, weighing at 296lbs and hailing from West Philly, PA... Your Inter-Forum Champion... D... R... Jackson!
Gorilla Tim Hoss: If you were in your prime you'd probably join him!
Jesse King: What's that?
Gorilla Tim Hoss: You were like him in your day, Jesse. Arrogant, cocky, a powerhouse who took no crap and gave everyone your own. Where did it go? In my day, I simply stepped into the ring and just dealt out my opinions with my fists.
Jesse King: Well with luck, the Heavy Metal Express, maybe even Starshine could take care of DR Jackson.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: But Starshine may want to rely on DR Jackson to help him take care of the Heavy Metal Express.
Jesse King: But that would be suicide! Starshine is the smallest man in this match, and DR Jackson is the biggest man in this match. Starshine would be smeared if he took his chances with Jackson!
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Well let's join them as this match gets started.
All four men stand in individual corners. The Heavy Metal Express are diametrically across from each other, while Jackson and Starshine are likewise. All four men eye each other as they wait for the bell to ring.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: For those of you at home, remember that this match is not for any title and it is for one fall.
Referee John Creed explains the rules to all four men.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Starshine probably has the most to prove tonight, as he does not currently hold a belt. To beat three champions in one match will certainly raise his stock as a singles competitor.
Referee John Creed starts the match. All four men take a few steps away from their corners, eye each other, and then suddenly, all four men charge for Starshine.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Bah gawd!
Starshine leapfrogs Headbanger Man, but D-Day Dave tackles him from the side as DR Jackson repeatedly stomps on him.
Jesse King: Sorry Starshine, but this isn't your lucky day.
D-Day stands up, lifting Starshine up with a full nelson as DR Jackson drives his fists into Starshine's chest and belly.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: They're ganging up on him! How can they do this?
Jesse King: I'd hate to say this but I have to give them props tonight, Gorilla. They're taking one of the contestants out of this match right away. And DR Jackson's going to be in for one rude awakening.
DR Jackson grabs Starshine's legs and lifts them up, forming a bridge. Headbanger Man climbs the ropes, does an air guitar riff, and then leaps off, headbutting Starshine in the midsection, to which Jackson and D-Day slam Starshine to the mat.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Such devastating teamwork!
The Heavy Metal Express roll Starshine to the outside, to which DR Jackson clotheslines the both of them over the top rope.
Jesse King: They should have watched their backs, Gorilla. I know I would have.
Jackson grins as the audience boos him. The Heavy Metal Express stand up as Referee John Creed begins the count.
John Creed: 1...
Headbanger Man slips into the ring as D-Day grabs Starshine and drives him headfirst into the ringpost.
John Creed: 2...
DR Jackson stomps on Headbanger Man as he tries to stand up. D-Day rolls Starshine back into the ring.
Jesse King: Interesting move by D-Day there. As former CEO he's well aware of comebacks in these matches.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: No chance for Starshine it appears there.
Jackson waistlocks Headbanger Man from behind and drives his head into the mat with a gutwrench suplex.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Jackson is in control of this match if you asked me. He took out the more powerful member of The Heavy Metal Express early on, and that has to annoy them to no end.
D-Day runs up to Jackson, jumps up, and drop kicks Jackson, knocking him to the ropes.
Jesse King: But here's D-Day Dave to the rescue! Take him, Dave!
D-Day spins around and backhands Jackson in the chest as the Headbanger Man gets up.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: It looks like this match is going to turn around now.
Jackson gets off the ropes just in time for Headbanger Man to spear him through the ropes to the outside.
Jesse King: Headbanger Man is taking charge here.
D-Day goes to pin Starshine.
Jesse King: Wait, that's perfect! Good thinking D-Day!
Gorilla Tim Hoss: I think that even we underestimated the Heavy Metal Express's cunning.
Referee John Creed counts 1.. 2... Starshine kicks out.
Jesse King: But they waited too long and Starshine got some juice back.
Headbanger Man and Jackson duke it outside of the ring as Referee John Creed goes to count them.
John Creed: 1...
D-Day stands Starshine up and irish whips him into the corner while Jackson and Headbanger Man lock up.
John Creed: 2...
D-Day repeatedly jabs Starshine in the ribs and then finishes up with an uppercut, making Starshine slump down to the mat. Headbanger Man sticks his fingers in Jackson's eyes.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: A dirty move by the Headbanger Man!
Jesse King: I'm not complaining.
John Creed: 3...
D-Day grabs Starshine by the leg to drag him to the middle of the ring while Headbanger Man grabs Jackson's head and head butts him to the guard rail.
John Creed: 4...
D-Day is waiting for John Creed and he grows impatient, gets up, and jabs his finger in Creed's back to get his attention. Creed sternly warns D-Day not to touch him. D-Day demands to have his pin be counted.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: D-Day Dave is getting snippy with John Creed, but he needs to remember that he's not the boss anymore.
John Creed drops down to count D-Day's pin as D-Day goes for the pin. 1... 2... Starshine sticks his thumb in D-Day's eye and gets him off of him.
Jesse King: A dirty move by the Technical Professional, Gorilla!
Gorilla Tim Hoss: But did the referee notice?
Headbanger Man charges for DR Jackson, driving his back into the guard rail.
Jesse King: Yeah! Get him some more, Headbanger Man!
Gorilla Tim Hoss: The Heavy Metal Express seems to finally be taking control of this match.
Jesse King: Not if Starshine has anything to say about it.
Referee John Creed returns his attention to Headbanger Man and DR Jackson. Jackson throws a haymaker to Headbanger Man's head, knocking him to the mat. Starshine locks his arm around D-Day's head and applies pressure.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Maybe not indeed.
John Creed: 1...
Jackson picks up Headbanger Man and locks arms with him. Starshine keeps applying pressure to D-Day's head but D-Day hangs in there, reaching for the ropes.
John Creed: 2...
Jackson lifts up Headbanger Man for a vertical suplex, but he suspends him in the air.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Look at the impressive strength of DR Jackson!
John Creed: 3...
D-Day seems to pass out as Jackson keeps Headbanger Man in the air.
Jesse King: Here we go again with the ref getting his attention split between two battles.
Starshine shouts for John Creed, who turns around and sees D-Day is out. Jackson gets angry that he's not the center of attention, to which Headbanger Man reverses the suplex into a DDT, driving Jackson's head into the mat.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: And Headbanger Man capitalizes on DR Jackson's hubris!
Jesse King: That's right Jackson! You need to get back inside that ring for the ref to give a damn about you!
Headbanger Man leaves Jackson outside of the ring while he slips into the ring. Starshine runs up to Headbanger Man, jumps up, and catches him with a swinging neckbreaker. John Creed resumes his count.
John Creed: 1...
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Good move by Starshine, taking it to the Heavy Metal Express tonight!
Jesse King: The Heavy Metal Express has been on a constant move until now, and if Headbanger Man cannot take care of Starshine here quick their chances of winning might slip away.
Starshine sits up the Headbanger Man, backs up to the ropes, and runs at him when he leaps over Headbanger Man and chin locks him.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Fancy feinting by Starshine.
Jesse King: Still manages to surprise me with that.
John Creed: 2...
D-Day Dave begins to stir as Starshine continues to chin lock Headbanger Man, who is trying to reach the ropes with a stern look of determination.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Headbanger Man is determined to reach those ropes, Jesse. He's not going to let Starshine get to him.
D-Day climbs to the top rope and leaps off, landing a double axe handle smash to the back of Starshine's head, knocking him off of Headbanger Man. D-Day stands Starshine up, grabbing his arms from behind and choking him with them.
Jesse King: Here it comes, TH...
D-Day falls backwards, driving his knees into Starshine's back.
Jesse King: The Encore!
D-Day goes for the pin and Referee John Creed goes for the count. 1... 2... suddenly Starshine is pulled out of the ring by DR Jackson, who proceeds to enter the ring.
Jesse King: Oh no, Jackson's back in this match! Wake up Headbanger Man!
Gorilla Tim Hoss: The Heavy Metal Express is in for some trouble with the Black Dynasty.
John Creed restarts his count again.
John Creed: 1...
Jackson stands D-Day up, locks up with him, and lifts him high above his head, then throws him outside on top of Starshine.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Just look at the strength of DR Jackson. He's easily one of the most powerful, if not the most powerful, members on the roster.
Jackson helps Headbanger Man up and locks arms with him. Headbanger Man suddenly throws up devil horns and jams them into Jackson's eyes. He then locks up with Jackson and waistlocks him, turning him upside down.
John Creed: 2...
Jesse King: Yes! Get him Headbanger, get him! Holy Driver!
Headbanger Man plops down to the mat, completing the Holy Driver. He immediately sets up Jackson for the pin. 1... 2... Jackson kicks out.
Jesse King: No!
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Looks like Jackson's going to need some more work before he's out of this match. But he's looking a little dazed from the Holy Driver as is.
Jesse King: And I hope that Headbanger Man knows how to capitalize.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: People underestimate the Headbanger Man's abilities in the ring.
Headbanger Man grabs Jackson's legs and locks in a boston crab. Referee John Creed resumes his count for the outside contestants. D-Day and Starshine both begin to recover.
John Creed: 1...
Gorilla Tim Hoss: They think that just because he comes out to loud, countercultural music that he is an airhead, bereft of any technical value in that ring.
Jesse King: You're reading my thoughts like a book, Gorilla.
Headbanger Man stands up a little bit higher to increase the pressure, but Jackson is dazedly hanging in there as he recovers from the head trauma only to feel abdominal pressure. D-Day and Starshine continue to recover.
John Creed: 2...
Gorilla Tim Hoss: But Headbanger Man was out to prove that he was more than a hardcore mainstay when he faced off against M.O.P. for the Inter-Forum Championship.
Jesse King: And he lost!
Starshine and D-Day start to get up onto both of their feet. DR Jackson swipes for the ropes, but misses.
John Creed: 3...
Gorilla Tim Hoss: But what you don't understand, Jesse; What all of Headbanger Man's detractor's don't understand, is that Headbanger Man truly lives up to the namesake of Dee Snyder, lead singer of Twisted Sister.
Jesse King: A loud, obnoxious freak with no talent?
Jackson takes another swipe and latches on to the rope, but John Creed still has his attention to the outside. Starshine runs up to D-Day and clotheslines him over.
John Creed. 4...
Gorilla Tim Hoss: No. Everyone perceives him as a rather unintelligent person, but when Snyder defended the First Amendment of our United States Constitution...
Starshine notices that Creed isn't paying attention to Jackson's plight, and so he runs over and grabs Jackson's hands to keep a hold of him as Headbanger Man tries to pull him away.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: ...he displayed an intellectual expertise that no one thought that he could possibly have and he caught everyone by surprise.
Jesse King: So what's your point?
John Creed tells the Headbanger Man to let Jackson go as he had reached and grabbed the ropes. Headbanger Man starts headbanging and shaking his head in defiance, and he applies more pressure. John Creed begins to count as a warning.
John Creed: 1...
Gorilla Tim Hoss: My point is that Headbanger Man has more talent than he lets and more talent than anyone believes he has.
Headbanger Man continues to apply pressure as Starshine jumps up to the ring apron
John Creed: 2...
Gorilla Tim Hoss: D-Day Dave, as former CEO of this company, saw that in him and chose him as a powerful tag team mate for the Heavy Metal Express.
Starshine jumps up on the ropes and bounces off the second, then the third, and bounds off, pulling off a sunset flip pin on Headbanger Man.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: And that is why the Heavy Metal Express are our Tag Team Champions.
Jesse King: Pay attention to the match, did you see what Starshine did?
John Creed counts for the pin. 1... 2... Headbanger Man kicks out. DR Jackson clutches his abs and grabs the ropes to stand up. D-Day gets up on one knee and shakes his head in disbelief.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: This match could go anywhere at this point if you asked me, King. Starshine has really improved over the course of this match.
Jesse King: I thought that he was a goner too, but I wouldn't count out the Heavy Metal Express yet, especially since Jackson is as good as done!
Starshine waits for Headbanger Man to stand up, and then superkicks him back to the mat.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Starshine, the Technical Professional, has taken control of this match!
John Creed resumes his count to the outside while D-Day stand up again. Jackson goes to the corner, keeping an eye on Headbanger Man and Starshine. Starshine sits up the Headbanger Man.
Jesse King: As long as Jackson is not winning, I'm good.
D-Day slides into the ring and heads for Jackson, who throws a fist which D-Day narrowly dodges.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: The Headbanger Man has really taken some steam out of the Black Dynasty, even if he had to take some shortcuts.
Starshine climbs to the second rope, poses for the crowd, and jumps at Headbanger Man, going just behind him and locking in another chin lock.
Jesse King: Faked me out again!
D-Day punches Jackson in the abs, making Jackson crumble to one knee. He uppercuts him to the abs again.
Jesse King: Yeah D-Day! Show him who's boss!
Gorilla Tim Hoss: The Heavy Metal Express can never quite get this match to be completely in their control.
Jackson suddenly clamps onto D-Day from underneath, grapples him from up above, stands up, rams D-Day against the ring post, and then heads for Starshine and Headbanger Man.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Starshine better watch out, here comes Jackson with an Oklahoma slam!
Starshine rolls out of the way as Jackson slams D-Day onto Headbanger Man's back. They look at each other.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Now would be a good time for a temporary alliance, and these two men are considering it.
Jesse King: Screw Jackson, Starshine. Wait for him to get rid of the Heavy Metal Express and then take him out when he turns around.
Starshine nods at DR Jackson and heads over. The two men kick D-Day and Headbanger Man to the outside of the ring.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Good night to the Heavy Metal Express!
Jesse King: Starshine you fool!
DR Jackson and Starshine look at each other, taking a breath. Starshine sticks out his hand to shake as John Creed begins the count on the Heavy Metal Express.
John Creed: 1...
Gorilla Tim Hoss: A show of honor from the Technical Professional to the Black Dynasty.
Jesse King: More like handing Jackson the knife to stab him with.
Jackson slowly reaches out to Starshine's hand. Once he has a good grip, Jackson suddenly yanks Starshine to himself and hoists him up onto his shoulders and starts to apply pressure.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Oh no! Jackson has Starshine with the Anxiety Adjustment!
Jesse King: Jackson you son of a bitch I read your book!
Starshine's mouth is agape with pain as Jackson moves to the center of the ring.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Jackson is finally capitalizing on Starshine's injuries all of the way from the beginning! That cunning son of a gun!
Jesse King: Damn you Jackson!
Starshine begins to lose consciousness, to which John Creed lifts up his hand once and it drops.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: It looks like the Inter-Forum Champion is going to establish his dominance without even a title defense!
John Creed lifts up Starshine's arm a second time and it drops.
Jesse King: You've got to recover Starshine. You're the Technical Professional!
Gorilla Tim Hoss: But he's not the Inter-Forum Champion.
John Creed lifts up Starshine's arm a third time and it drops.
Jesse King: Damn it all to hell!
Michael Muffer: Here is your winner by submission... your Inter-Forum Champion... D... R... Jackson!
"Bring Tha Noize" by Anthrax featuring Chuck D. hits the speakers as Jackson exhaustedly grins, turning to Jesse King. The crowd is a shower of boos.
Jesse King: You're gonna get yours Jackson! Just you wait! You won't hold on to that title when it's actually on the line!
Jackson continues his exhausted grin and delivers a High Attitude to Starshine while he is still up on his shoulders.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: No!
Jesse King: That vile, vile man!
Gorilla Tim Hoss: The match was over! Starshine didn't deserve that!
Paramedics get into the ring as Jackson leaves it. D-Day Dave and the Headbanger Man stand up and leave as well.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Well let's hope that Starshine is okay after this. That was a despicable move by Jackson.
Jesse King: And it looked like he did to spite me, Gorilla! And I don't even really like Starshine!
Gorilla Tim Hoss: He is a bully, plain and simple. Having the Inter-Forum Championship hasn't satiated his hunger for dominance. Winning a match doesn't look like it's enough for him.
Jesse King: But the show must go on, TH. Let's get to the next match while I try to wash this bad taste out of my mouth with one of our sponsors.
Rankings Match: Sparks V. Mr. Quintana Roo
Michael Muffer: “The following contest is an Inter-Forums Rankings Match scheduled for one fall, with a 30-minute time limit.”
“Pull Me Under” by Dream Theater blasts over the PA. With Scar on his shoulder, Sparks raises his right arm, with Scar crawling down to his palm. They make their way to the ring. Scar is placed in a box on the announce table as Sparks makes his way into the ring. He raises his arms high in the air, followed by sparks descending from the ceiling and ring posts.
The lights dim, as the words “Strike a Pose”, “Strike a Pose”, “Vogue” are heard. Leon Sharpe walks out snapping pictures of his protégé, Mr. Quintana Roo. He makes his way to the ring, stopping occasionally to take another photo. This is broken up by referee John Creed, who orders Leon Sharpe to the back. Roo is furious with this, demanding that his manager stays. Creed informs him that he will be disqualified if he does. Sharpe makes his way to the back. Roo heads to the ring, but Sparks planchas over the top rope to the outside, crashing onto his opponent. He picks him up and tosses him into the ring. He follows suite and the bell sounds, signaling the beginning of the match.
Roo groggily makes it to his feet, but is met with a clothesline from behind. Sparks grabs his head and slams it into the mat. He goes to lock in a camel clutch, but Roo blocks it with elbows to the head. He charges at his opponent, but Sparks ducks. He runs to the ropes and leaps off of them, cross-bodying into Roo. He immediately covers him.
One, T…
Kick out!
Sparks picks Roo up and they both start trading blows. Roo gets the upper hand after a kick to the gut, following that up with an irish whip. He goes for a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker, but Sparks reverses that into an arm drag. Sparks charges at Quintana, but is back dropped over the top rope. He hangs on and lands on the mat and clubs Roo in the face. He leaps into the ring, going for a diving clothesline, but is dropkicked in mid-air. Roo goes for the cover.
One, Two…
Sparks gets his shoulder up. Roo sits him up and starts elbowing him in the back of the head, then applies a headlock. He holds it on tight, as Sparks tries to elbow his way out. He uses the rope to get to his feet and hit’s a jawbreaker, making Roo break the hold. He charges at him but is met with an elbow, dropping him to the mat. Roo goes for the cover.
One, Tw…
Sparks gets his shoulder up. Roo picks him up and shoves him into the turnbuckle. He elbows him repeatedly in the head, and then signals for a bulldog. He locks Sparks’ head under his shoulder and starts running, but Sparks holds onto the rope and tosses him into the middle of the ring. He steps onto the middle rope and hit’s a spinning elbow to the face. He goes for the cover.
One, Two…
Roo gets his shoulder up. Sparks sits him up and kicks him in the face. He does it one more time, then goes for what looks like a boston crab. As it turns out, this was just a ploy to confuse Roo, as he catapults him into the turnbuckle. Roo collides headfirst, then backs up into a school boy rollup.
One, Two, Th…
Kick out!
Sparks picks him up, goes behind him and hit’s a back suplex into a pin.
One, Two, Th…
Kick out!
Sparks picks him up again and hit’s a snap suplex, rolling into a cover.
One, Two, Th…
Kick out!
Frustrated that his quick pin method isn’t working, he heads to the top. Once he’s there, he signals for a diving clothesline. Mr. Quintana Roo shoves the ref into the ropes, straddling Sparks on the turnbuckle. Roo grabs him by the head, and looks to set up for the Snap Shot off the turnbuckle. Sparks starts pounding him in the gut, then spins around him into a sunset flip.
One, Two, Thr…
Kick out!
Both men make it to their feet. Sparks charges, but Roo hits him with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. He goes for the cover.
One, Two, Th…
Kick out!
Roo picks Sparks up with both arms, hitting a power slam. He drags him near the turnbuckle and heads up top. He signals for The Photo Opportunity, pausing to get his photo taken, forgetting that Leon Sharpe was ejected. When he notices this, he is befuddled, giving Sparks enough time to recuperate and hit a running enziguri, knocking Roo off the turbuckle and crashing to the mat. Instead of covering him, Sparks slowly makes his way to the top. He attempts a moonsault, but Roo moves out of the way just in time.
With both men down, referee John Creed begins the ten count. By the count of six, both men get to their feet. They start duking it out, trading blows. Roo tries to get the advantage with a kick to the gut like earlier, but Sparks sees this coming and grabs his foot. He spins him around and hits another enziguri. He goes for the cover.
One, Two, Thr…
Kick out!
Sparks picks Roo up and signals for the Spark-te-plex. He gets him up into the suplex position, but Quintana wriggles free and hit’s a butterfly suplex into a cover.
One, Two, Thre…
Kick out!
Mr. Quintana Roo is stunned that Sparks kicked out and starts arguing with referee John Creed. Sparks sneaks up from behind with a school boy rollup.
One, Two, Thre…
Kick out!
Sparks charges at Roo, but is met with an arm drag. Roo tries to transition that into a bow and arrow, but Sparks rolls over him and onto the apron. Quintana charges at him, but he ducks and hit’s a shoulder block to the gut. He flips over him and hit’s the sunset flip, but Roo holds onto the top rope. He then hooks the legs and goes for the cover, holding the ropes for leverage.
One, Two…
Referee John Creed notices Roo holding the ropes and stops the count. He warns him that if he does it again, he’ll be disqualified. Roo starts to argue with him, then turns around. Sparks kicks him in the gut and goes for the Spark-te-plex. This time it connects. He goes for the cover.
One, Two, Thre…
Mr. Quintana Roo gets his foot on the ropes. Sparks is frustrated, but doesn’t let that get the best of him. He picks Roo up and goes for the Coup-de-Grace. Roo wriggles free, turns Sparks around and hit’s the Snap Shot. He goes for the cover.
One, Two, Three!
Michael Muffer: “Here is your winner, Mr. Quintana Roo!”
(Backstage Ernest is seen with Verne with a little mini ring set up.)
Verne- Okay Ernest whats with the ring? I thought you weren't going to make any short jokes!
Ernest- No it's not like that at all. After TTS convinced me that real men eat chicken and got his chicken back and made that delicious fired chicken for us it has given me a lot of energy. So I have decided I want to learn how to wrestle just like the superstars of WWCF. Know what I mean?
Verne- Yeah. So who are you going to wrestle?
Ernest- Well you Verne. You are my best friend after all.
Verne- But Ernest I'm just a referee. I can't teach you how to wrestle.
Ernest- Then what are we gonna do?
Verne- Hey Ernest wait here. I know who can teach you how to wrestle.
(Ernest waits a bit and then Verne comes back with Jonathan Michael's girlfriend Sara Nakatomi.)
Verne- I tried to get Jonathan Michaels but he is getting ready for the Wargames Match. So I got the next best thing.
Ernest- A girl? Verne you expect the manly man that Ernest P. Worrell is to fight a girl?
Sara- Hey my boyfriend Jonathan has been teaching me a lot. What's wrong? Are you chicken?
Ernest- Hehehe. Little missy Ernest P. Worrell is not chicken. He eats chicken now....but he is not chicken.
(Ernest and Sara face off in the middle of the mini ring as Verne looks on. Ernest puts his fists up.)
Ernest- Okay! Put'em up Sara.
(The camera pans off of them and pans on Verne as wrestling noises start and Verne starts getting horrified looks on his face. The camera pans back on Sara and Ernest and Ernest is laying face down moaning. Sara pats Ernest on the back.)
Sara- That was fun. Lets do it again sometime.
(Sara walks off)
Ernest- Owwwww.
Monkey Boot Camp match: The General of the Monkey Army V. Inspector Shetty
The camera pans the rings, surrounded by the cage. Inside are various training tools, such as a tire course, some traffic cones(wrapped in barbed wire), and some pull-up rings hanging from the roof of the cages. Chained to the side are various weapons.
Michael Muffer - The following is the Monkey Boot Camp Match!
*Wannabe in LA*
Michael Muffer - Introducing first, from Bombay, England, weighing in at 265 pounds, Inspector Shetty!
Shetty walks down the ramp, soaking in the “adulation” of the piped in “SHETTY!!!” chants.
*King Kong 2004*
Michael Muffer - And his opponent, from Lansing, Michigan, weighing in at 225 pounds, and being accompanied by Bongo the Gorilla, The General of the Monkey Army!
The General and Bongo march down to the cage.
Tim Hoss - Here we go, Jess! It’s boot camp time!
Referee Floyd McLloyd calls for the bell.
Jesse King - This match ain’t gonna be for the faint of heart!
Shetty charges the General, who backdrops him into the second ring! Shetty get’s to his feet , just as the General dives onto him, both men falling into the tires! The General pulls Shetty out and suplex’s him to the mat, then steps in between the rings.
Tim Hoss - What’s the General got in mind here?
The General springboards off the top rope of the other ring and moonsault’s onto Shetty! Cover!
1!
Kickout!
The General rolls to the outside and yanks a Kendo stick off the side of the cage!
Jesse King - Gorilla, this is the largest Hell in a Cell structure ever used, as it surrounds both rings, and still leaves space for them to fight on the outside!
Tim Hoss - How far back did they have to moves the fans for this one?
The General rolls back in and measures Shetty, but the Inspector kicks the General low, then smashes him the head with one of the tires! DDT on the tires! Cover!
1!
Kickout!
Bongo starts pounding on the cage, trying to rally the General to his feet. Shetty grabs a traffic cone from the first ring and puts it over the General’s head, then punt’s him! He picks up the Kendo stick and fires off a series of quick Blackman-esque shots!
Jesse King - Inspector Shetty with lightning-quick shots with that cane!
Shetty runs the ropes and delivers a rising knee to the head! Cover!
1!
Kickout!
Bongo tries to pry the door off the cage, but to no avail. Shetty taunts the gorilla, then picks the General up. Powerslam! Cover!
1!
2!
Kickout!
Shetty rolls to the outside and grabs a trashcan.
Tim Hoss - Inspector Shetty getting ready to take out the trash!
Shetty lifts the trashcan up and brings it down on the General’s head! Cover!
1!
2!
Kickout!
Shetty grabs some barbed wire off one of the cones and begins choking the General with it! He gasps for air as Bongo tries in vain to break in! Shetty, still holding the barbed wire around the General’s neck, pulls him up and snap mare’s him! He then comes off the ropes with a Shining Wizard! Cover!
1!
2!
The General get’s his shoulder up at the last second!
Jesse King - Shetty is livid! He thought he had it!
Shetty rolls out of the ring and pulls a table out from under the apron! He slides it in the ring and balances it between the two rings! He set’s the General up for a powerbomb, but he hooks the rings hanging from the ceiling and FrankenSteiner’s Shetty over into the first ring! Both men down now, but Shetty rolls under the bottom rope.
Tim Hoss - The General may have saved himself there, but how much can he have left in the tank?!
Shetty begins rummaging under the ring, but suddenly pulls his hand back in pain! He reaches under again, but pulls back quickly!
Jesse King - What’s going on?!
Shetty reaches under once more, but when he pulls his hand back, he has a pair of bolt cutters attached to his finger, and the cutters are being held by…
Tim Hoss - TINKERS?!!!
Jesse King - It’s the General’s wife, Gorilla! It’s the General’s wife, Tinkers!
Shetty drops Tinkers, who scurries over to the door with the bolt cutters! Shetty grabs her by the scruff of the neck, but the General comes to the rescue! He ram’s Shetty’s head into the side of the cage, then monkey flip’s him! Tinkers begins working on the lock with the bolt cutters, as Bongo continues to hammer away at the door from the outside. The General rolls Shetty back in the ring and delivers a big brainbuster! Cover!
1!
2!
Shetty barely kick’s out!
Tinkers continues to work diligently and finally breaks the lock! Bongo slams into the door and breaks it down!
Tim Hoss - Uhoh, Jess! Bongo is loose in the cage!
The General goes for a suplex, but Shetty reverses it! Bongo enters the ring and clothesline’s Shetty to the mat!
Jesse King - Normally a caged gorilla is a good thing, but not in this case Hoss!
Tim Hoss - Whataya mean by that?!
Bongo picks up the table and sets it up in the middle of ring one! He lifts Shetty up for a gorilla press, but Shetty rakes Bongo’s eyes, then suplex’s the gorilla through the table!
Jesse King - WHAT THE HELL?!!!
Tim Hoss - Well, I guess that means Shetty won’t be donating to the Humane society anytime soon.
Shetty stands over Bongo, but the General grabs him and slams him to the mat! Shetty back up, but the General fells him with a big Monkey Paw! Cover!
1!
2!
SHETTY ROLLS HIS SHOULDER UP!!!!
Jesse King - Oh come on! He had it!
Tinkers throws a chair into the ring, but it goes sailing over the General’s head and into ring two. The General tosses Shetty into the second ring and follows, but Shetty gets a hold of the chair! He rams it into the General’s ribs, then cracks him across the skull!
Tim Hoss - Well, that’s it. No way The General is getting up after that!
Shetty pulls the General up and both men are covered in blood. He goes for the Calcutter, but the General shoves him off! Shetty charges, but The General takes him down at the legs and locks in the Monkey Wrench! Shetty struggles, but reaches the ropes! He rolls to the floor, but is intercepted by a recovered and very pissed off Bongo!
Jesse King - Shetty’s gonna get it bow, Gorilla!
Bongo grabs Shetty by the throat and chokeslam’s him on the floor! He then tosses him back over the top rope. The General pulls Shetty to the middle of the ring and once again locks on the Monkey Wrench! McLloyd checks and sees that Shetty is unconscious! The bell rings!
Michael Muffer - Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner, as the result of a knockout, The General of the Monkey Army!
The General collapses in a heap as Bongo and Tinkers run over to celebrate!
Jesse King - He did it! After everything Shetty put The General through these last several weeks, he finally get’s his comeuppance at the hands of the General and his entourage!
Tim Hoss - Well of course Shetty lost. It was three on one!
Jesse King - But it was anything goes, Gorilla! The General is the decisive winner here tonight at Ernest Goes to War Games!
WWCF World Championship match: Aaron Enigma V. “The King of Hollywood” Viva Los Bio Dome
The following contest is scheduled for ONE fall for the WWCF Heavyweight Championship!
Fighting out of Hollywood, California, coming in at 5'9" and 195 pounds, he is "The King of Hollywood", your number one contender! Vivaaaa Los Bio Dome!
*Paparazzi*
Out comes Viva Los Bio Dome to a chorus of boos. He slowly walks down the ramp decked out in his crown and cape, Paparazzi blasting picture after picture. He finally makes his way to the stairs, and he awaits his opponent patiently.
"Gorilla" Tim Hoss: The moment he's been waiting a lifetime for, and quite frankly my pick to win tonight's match! He's been on absolute fire lately, while Aaron's been sort of a recluse as of late. You've gotta wonder how that's going to play in to tonight's match, Jess.
Jesse King: I don't give a crap if Aaron's been eating rotten apple pie for the last two weeks. If Viva wins the belt tonight, I'm gonna eat my hat.
And last but not least, fighting out of Chicago, Illinois, coming in at 6'3" and 256 pounds, your WWCF Heavyweight Champion of the world, The one and only "Head Detective" Aaron Enigma!
*Make A Move*
Aaron steps out to an amazing pyro spectacle. He's playing the crowd big time and getting a huge pop. He's high fiving people down the ramp, and he runs and slides into the ring and poses on all four corners.
Jesse King: Listen to this welcome for our champion! The crowd absolutely loves this guy, 'Rilla!
"Gorilla" Tim Hoss: They sure do, and I have no clue why. Viva opened my eyes last week. This guy is a coward. He is a snake. He strikes at the most opportune times and is only out for himself. The only difference between Aaron and Viva is that Viva is honest about it.
"Spud" Verne Johnson calls Viva to step into the ring, and he slowly makes his way up the steps and climbs in. Viva hands Spud his crown and cape, and Spud then checks him for weapons. He finds his cell phone (as usual) and tosses it to the ring announcer ringside. He checks Aaron Enigma, finds his magnifying glass, and tosses that to the ring announcer as well.
Jesse King: Both men caught with something that might give them an advantage. Spud doing a great job already by catching the phone and the magnifying glass and tossing them both over to the ring announcer where they'll have nothing to do with the outcome of this match.
"Gorilla" Tim Hoss: You care to offer up another one of your gems, Captain Obvious?
Spud calls for a clean fight and then calls for the bell.
Viva instantly dropkicks Aaron in the knee. Aaron returns fire with a punch to the face. Viva charges the ropes, bounces off, and hits Aaron with a lariat. Viva Climbs up to the top rope and goes for a frog splash, but Aaron rolls out of harms way.
Jesse King: An unorthodox move by Viva, didn't pay off, though. He's not known for going to the top rope, and in spite of his speed and quickness, he couldn't make the move in time. Aaron had him read like an open book.
Aaron jumps up and grabs Viva by his hair and drags him into the ropes. He puts his foot on the back of Viva's head and begins choking him with the bottom rope. The ref begins count.
1...
2...
3...
Aaron lets it go, grabs Viva by his hair again, and whips him across the ring into the opposite corner. Viva stumbles out of the corner, and walks right into a kick into the groin which Aaron follows up with a DDT. Aaron goes for a quick pin.
1..
2..
Jesse King: Aaron turning the tables quite nicely here! He's seemed to have rebounded from that start and is now taking it to the number one contender!
"Gorilla" Tim Hoss: I don't think anyone in this building takes for granted Aaron's fantastic abilities. The man is a fantastic wrestler and he knows how to keep his opponents at bay.
Viva kicks out and starts rolling to the outside, but Aaron grabs him before he can make it and starts punching him in the face. Aaron picks Viva up and tries for a vertical suplex, and Viva blocks it. Aaron punches Viva in the head twice and goes for it a second time, and Viva blocks it again. This time, Aaron kicks Viva in the stomach, and finally lifts him up for the suplex. Viva reverses it and hits Aaron with a backcracker. Viva spits on Aaron.
"Gorilla" Tim Hoss: Look at the resilience! The man just wouldn't go down! He earned every bit of that loogie he just hocked on the champion! It was a classic back and forth and the number one contender came out smelling like roses!
Jesse King: Yeah, roses covered in s***.
Viva drops his knee on Aaron's head a couple of time before picking him up and hitting him with a Falcon Arrow. Viva goes for the cover.
1...
2...
Aaron kicks out. Heavy Metal Hollywood appears at the top of the ramp. Dave, Headbanger, and Koda all make their way ringside. They begin cheering Viva on.
Jesse King: What they hell are they doing here? Everything was going just fine until Viva's cronies decided to show up!
"Gorilla" Tim Hoss: I've seen nothing illegal, just Viva's troops showing support. These guys want the best for their lead singer, and I don't blame them. They're a band of brothers and this is an awesome display of comradery.
Viva responds by picking Aaron up and hitting him with a cradle pile driver. Viva goes for the pin once more.
1..
2..
"Gorilla" Tim Hoss: You know, I like what Viva's doing, but he has got to string more than one or two moves together. As he gets yet another two count, the moves he's putting together now are just aren't going to be enough.
Jesse King: I'd love it if he DIDN'T do that, quite frankly, but you're right. He's getting the momentum but he has to build on it instead of settling.
The ref stops the count as Aaron's foot has found it's way to the rope. Frustrated, Viva begins stomping Aaron's foot. The Equalizers both show up at the top of the ramp. Jonathan Michaels and M.O.P Make their way ringside, opposite of Heavy Metal Hollywood.
Jesse King: Turnabout fair play! Now the sides are a little more even, and Aaron can breath easy.
"Gorilla" Tim Hoss: Hey, it's gotta be nice to know you've got some proven guys who have your back.
Aaron responds with a sudden burst of momentum and quickly delivers a couple of shots the face. He whips Viva into the ropes and delivers a swinging neckbreaker. He picks up Viva and hits him with a belly to back suplex. He looks down at M.O.P and Michaels, and smiles.
Jesse King: Aaron capitalizes on having his brothers in arms ringside and delivers a nice combination of power moves!
Aaron stands Viva up and... BAM! Extreme Interrogation.
"Gorilla" Tim Hoss: Oh no! Viva's in trouble!
Dave immediately stands up on the apron and grabs the attention of the ref. Viva starts tapping out violently, and Aaron is screaming for the ref, and he frustratingly goes after Dave. Dave immediately drops down and Aaron turns around and walks right into a desperation Purple Sticky Punch!
Jesse King: Is this it? Is THIS how Aaron is going to lose his championship belt? Dave is a SLIMEBALL. He ran this company into the ground and now he's going to run the legacy of the title into the ground. This has nothing to do with him, dammit!
"Gorilla" Tim Hoss: Viva with an incredible display of fortitude to muster the energy to even deliver his Purple Sticky Punch! Does he have the energy to roll over and secure his place in the history books?!
Both men are laid out in the middle of the ring. The ref begins the ten count.
ONE!
No signs of life.
TWO!
Dave starts stomping his feet to rally the crowd. They boo instead.
THREE!
Jonathan Michaels starts stomping, and the crowd begins clapping in support.
FOUR!
Aaron is still down on the ground, Viva rolls over once toward Dave.
FIVE!
Aaron shakes his head, and Viva rolls over again.
SIX!
Aaron turns over and gets on his knees, and D-Day Dave slides his Tag Team Title to Viva. Viva grabs it and plays possum in the corner.
Jesse King: NO! This isn't right! This is NOT the way to do things! Where is your respect for the champion?!
"Gorilla" Tim Hoss: Real men do whatever it takes to win. Viva is that man. He couldn't get the energy to pin Aaron after the Purple Sticky Punch, and quite frankly he had the match won anyways. He's just taking what's his.
Jesse King: If you could get your head out of Viva's ass for one second and take a look at what's happening here, I and the people at home will have so much more respect for you! This is a travesty! This is NOT the way things are supposed to be!
Both men are now to their feet, and Aaron walks towards Viva. Viva swings around with the belt, and Aaron ducks. Aaron grabs the belt from Viva and smashes him in the head with it. The ref sees it and calls for a disqualification.
Jesse King: Yes! Aaron retains! He was desperate, and desperate times call for desperate measures. The Head Detective's reign continues, even if it is somewhat spotty now.
"Gorilla" Tim Hoss: Luckily for Viva, the King of Wrestlecrap number one contender's contract clearly states that if the match is to end in a disqualification, he does not lose his number one contenders-ship. I think Aaron will be seeing a little more of Viva. Real soon.
Your winner by disqualification and STILL number one contender, "The King Of Hollywood" Viva Los Bio Dome!
Dave slides into the ring, rolls Viva out and Heavy Metal Hollywood carry him up the ramp and backstage. Aaron Enigma looks at the WWCF Heavyweight Championship belt in disgust, throws it over his shoulder, and walks backstage with The Equalizers.
War Games Match: Team Sam(Little Naitch, Tyfo, The Boiler Room Brawler, Jay Carroll, and Jonathan Michaels) V. Team Seth(Yellow Jacket, Evil M, Square, Amigo, and Jazzman)
(The Wargames cage lowers down onto the 2 rings as the tension builds. There is one door on the cage. Michael Muffer enters the cage and proceeds to announce the match)
Michael Muffer- Ladies and Gentlemen, the following contest is the main event for the evening and it is a Wargames match.
Now here are the rules. 1 man from Team Seth Drakin and Team The Sam will start the match. They will brawl for 5 minutes until the next entrant from their respective teams enters the match. This pattern will continue every 5 minutes until all 10 men have entered the Wargames cage, which will begin the “Match Beyond”. The first person to make an opposing member of the other team submit or get knocked out will win the Wargames match for their team.
('Sing, Sang, Sung' by Gordon Goodwin)
Michael Muffer - Making his way to the ring first. Representing Team Seth Drakin. At the height of 5’11, weighing in at 206 lbs. From Fulton, New York. This is JAZZMAN!
(Jazzman bursts through the curtain and spins before strutting down to the Wargames cage. The fans boo but Jazzman takes no notice. Jazzman reaches the cage before stopping and looking at the cage as though he has just realized how dangerous this structure truly is. He enters the cage where he is checked by the referee)
(Panic Switch by the Silversun)
Michael Muffer – And his opponent. Representing Team The Sam. At the height of 6’0, weighing in at 215 lbs. From Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Accomponied by The Sam. This is “CHAMPAGNE” JAY CARROLL!
(Jay marches down to the ring without his signature bottle of champagne or beautiful woman. Jay looks determined. The Sam follows him. Jay stops before the cage as Jazzman taunts Jay from inside the cage. Jay tries to open the door of the cage but Jazzman holds it shut from the inside preventing Jay from entering. The Sam reaches for something inside his trench coat and pulls out Jays bottle of champagne. The Sam shakes it and sprays Jazzman in the eyes with it. Causing Jazzman to let go of the door. Jay storms into the cage as the bell sounds.
Jay starts attacking Jazzman with punches and kicks as Jazzman tries to get the stinging champagne out of his eyes. Jazzman tries to crawl towards the 2nd ring. Jay Carroll grabs Jazzman as he tries to slither his way through. But Jazzman gives Jay Carroll a mule kick, which sends Jay to the ground along with Jazzman.
Jazzman makes it to his feet first followed by Jay Carroll. Both men start slugging it out until Jay ducks. Jay grabs Jazzman and slams him into the side of the cage. Jay then puts an arm bar on Jazzman as Michael Muffer and the fans count down the next entrant.
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Out comes Amigo to a chorus of boos. Amigo enters the cage and hits Jay with a big elbow drop. Amigo helps Jazzman to his feet and they begin pummeling Jay Carroll. Amigo lifts Jay and locks in a full nelson. Jazzman comes off the ropes and hits Jay with a lariat, which sends Amigo to hit a full nelson suplex.
Amigo starts taunting the crowd as Jazzman tries to get Amigo focused on the task at hand. Both Amigo and Jazzman stomp away on Jay. Jay tries to fight back with some kicks but the 2 on 1-effort makes it too difficult for Jay.
Michael Muffer begins the countdown for the 2nd member of Team The Sam.
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Out from the locker room comes Tyfo. Who looks determined. Tyfo stops before entering the cage as Amigo and Jazzman wait for him at the door. However Jazzman and Amigo don’t see Jay who has gotten to his feet ad has hit Jazzman with a dropkick, which sends Jazzman into Amigo, which sends Amigo into the cage mesh. Tyfo uses this opportunity to enter the cage as Tyfo works over Amigo, Jay works over Jazzman. Amigo rakes Tyfo’s eyes and heads off the ropes. Tyfo is ready and hits Amigo with a liver quivering spine buster. While Amigo tries to recover from the spine buster, Tyfo and Jay proceed to go after Jazzman. Jay locks a single leg Boston crab on Jazzman as Tyfo runs the ropes and hits an elbow drop. As Tyfo regains his footing Amigo jumps Jay and starts brawling with Jay. Tyfo tries to stop Amigo but Jazzman spins Tyfo around and they begin brawling as well.
Michael Muffer begins the countdown for the next opponent.
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Yellow Jacket comes down to the ring and enters the cage. Yellow Jacket see’s Jay whooping Amigo and shrugs his shoulders before going after Tyfo. YJ gives Tyfo a clubbing blow to the back before scoop slamming Tyfo. Jazzman stumbles over to Amigo and sends Jay carol into the cage mesh.
Amigo gets in YJ’s face about not helping him but Jazzman separates the 2 and reminds them they are in the Wargames match. The 3 members of Team Seth Drakin start taking turns in pummeling Jay Carroll and Tyfo until Michael Muffer begins the countdown.
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Boiler Room Brawler comes out carrying a garbage can filled with various weapons including kendo sticks, stop signs, baking trays and a small bag. Boiler Room Brawler heads into the cage. Amigo try’s to attack him but BRB whacks Amigo upside the head with a kendo stick. Weapons have been brought into the cage and BRB proceeds to use them on Team Drakin, allowing Jay and Tyfo a moment to catch their breath..
But suddenly, the cage fills with a mysterious smoke. Possibly caused by the smoke machines left at ringside. When the smoke clears standing in the ring is Boiler Room Brawler face to face with The Masked Man. BRB is in shock. Everyone else is either unconscious or can’t believe what is transpiring/ The Mask Man raises his arms and throws a fireball into BRB’s face. BRB hits the ground as Tyfo and Jay try to put the fire out on BRB’s face. The ring fills with smoke again and when it clears the Mask Man is gone.
Michael Muffer begins the countdown.
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Evil M comes down to the ring and see’s the weapons are still in the cage. Evil M grabs a stop sign and wallops Tyfo then Jay in the back and finally its BRB in his still raw face with it.
Evil M places the stop sign on top of Tyfo’s prone body and proceeds to run the ropes and hit him with a Senton splash. Team Drakin spends the next few minutes dominating Team The Sam until Michael Muffer counts down.
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Out comes Littlenaitch who is pumped and ready to go. Naitch storms into the ring and begins going after everyone and anyone on Team Drakin. He jumps M, then goes after Amigo, then YJ and then Jazzman.
Evil M tries to knock Naitch down with a clothesline but Naitch ducks it and starts hitting M with knife-edge chops. YJ hits Naitch with a chair, but Naitch has such tunnel vision he shrugs it off and proceeds to attack YJ.
Michael Muffer starts the countdown for the last member of Team Drakin.
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Square comes down to the ring but hesitates to enter the cage seeing Naitch standing there ready to pounce. Square bides his time and waits for the right opportunity to enter as the fans rain boos down onto him. Naitch is calling out for Square to enter. However he doesn’t see Amigo who hits Naitch with a big boot right in the mush. This sends Naitch off his feet and this when Square enters the cage. Now all 5 members of Team Drakin are in the cage and it’s not long until the final entrant enters the cage.
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Jonathan Michaels makes his way through the curtain, and proceeds to enter the cage.
Michael Muffer – Let the “Match Beyond” begin!
Everyone is attacking one another with no signs of either team getting the advantage. Yellow jacket has Naitch in a chicken wing and calls over Evil M to finish Naitch off but Evil M is busy trying to fend off Tyfo. Amigo tells YJ to hold Naitch there for a few seconds longer. Amigo runs the ropes and attempts to hit Naitch with the big boot again. But Naitch manages to slip out of the hold and Amigo hits YJ with the big boot instead. Naitch tries to lock in a German suplex on Amigo but Amigo throws elbows at Naitch forcing him to release and then hits Naitch with a discuss elbow.
YJ gets to his feet and starts getting in Amigos face about what he did. Amigo starts quarrelling back. YJ slaps Amigo. Amigo smiles and then kicks YJ in the mid section and proceeds to hit YJ with the Bom-Ba Ye. The other members of Team Drakin see this and get in Amigos face about it. Amigo shrugs his shoulders and leaves the cage to the cheer of the fans.
While this is happening Tyfo grabs Evil M and lifts him up onto his shoulders. Naitch climbs the turnbuckle and hits M with a Doomsday Device. Square spins Tyfo and around hits the Squaresplosion on Tyfo. BRB tries to attack Square but the burn to his face is still apparent and Square just shrugs off BRB. Jonathan Michaels however is raring to go and hits Square with the Fade to Black.
Jazzman pulls something from his tights and it appears to be brass knucks. Jazzman waits for the moment and then hits Jonathan Michaels with the “Power of the Punch”. Jazzman thinks he has this match won but Jay is still going after all the damage he has received and hits The Last Call on Jazzman and locks in the Last Chancery submission. Jazzman calls for help but every other member of Team Drakin is either still getting to their feet or trying to get the cobwebs from out of their head. Jazzman can’t hold on any longer and passes out from the pain.
The ref rings the bell.
Michael Muffer – The winners of this match as a result of a KO. Littlenaitch, Tyfo, Boiler Room Brawler, Jonathan Michaels and Jay Carroll. Team The Sam!
The Sam enters the cage and celebrates with the rest of Team The Sam. Even though Team The Sam is very bruised and beaten they manage to lift Jay onto their shoulders and parade him around the ring as the show closes.
Credits: D-Day Dave, Headbanger Man, BRB, YellowJacket, M, Viva Los Bio Dome, and The Sam
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