Monday Niteraw - January 5, 2009

Monday Niteraw Card
January 5, 2009
Episode 5

(The Monday Niteraw logo is shown and the theme music plays as Monday Niteraw opens up. The camera pans into the Parts Unknown Arena in Parts Unknown City and then goes to the announce booth where we are greeted by D-Day Dave and Madman Szalinski.)

D-Day Dave- Welcome to MONDAY NITERAWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Madman - Welcome to our first show of 2009! I hope everyone's sober enough to enjoy this show!

Dave - I hope so, because New Year's was four days ago.

Madman - Wait, the ball already dropped?

Dave - We should just get to the start of the show. The King of Wrestlecrap tournament!

Madman - We have champions, families, but we don't have a king. It's time to crown some royalty in the WWCF.

Opening Match
King Of WrestleCrap Tournament First Round Match
TromboneMan W/ The Sam08
VS
Legion

The two men lock up and Legion throws TromboneMan into the corner. Legion charges after TromboneMan but TromboneMan gets out of the way. Legion comes from behind TromboneMan and clotheslines him face first into the mat. Legion picks up TromboneMan and hits a devastating back breaker.

Madman - Let me ask you something. Who do you think is going to be our breakout star in 2009?

Dave - I don't know, there are so many potential superstars ready to make that final leap.

Madman - I think Trombone Man could do it. I really do.

Dave - Why?

Madman - ...well...uh...I just do.

Dave- Well he does have the skills in the ring to take care of business.

Madman- Yeah and he also has a very nice and shiny looking trombone.

Dave- Uhhh yeah that too.

Legion picks up TromboneMan and puts him in the corner and gives him a chop. Legion goes for a back kick but TromboneMan ducks it and pokes Legion in the eyes. TromboneMan picks up Legion and hits a big samoan drop. Legion drops a few elbows on Legion and then goes for the cover but only gets a two count. TromboneMan picks up Legion and goes for the C Note(cradleshock) but Legion pushes TromboneMan into the ropes and when TromoneMan bounces back and Legion delivers a big boot to the face.

Legion bounces off the ropes to do a big leg drop but The Sam grabs his leg and Legion reaches over the top rope and pulls The Sam up to the apron. Legion is about to punch The Sam but TromboneMan comes up from behind him and grabs him and delivers The C Note for the pin.

Michael Muffer- Here is your winner……………TROMBONEMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
_________________________________________

(A taped promo of Fred G. Neric with WWCF’s First Diva Eli plays)

Necric- What a night it's been! From the King of Wrestlecrap tournament, to the upcoming Pay per view, we've seen a ton of action. Aside from all that, it would appear that World Wrestlecrap Federation has it's first Diva-may I introduce you to Eli 'The Valkyrie'!

Eli-*in background attacking pepsi machine* DAMMIT! Took MY DOLLAR! *kicks violently* *several cans of pepsi fall out* *grabs two* *tosses one to Necric*

Necric- Erm...thanks. Pretty sure that's a misdemeanor, but thanks.

Eli- No problem. So, is that mass of fur on top of your head real, a toupee or a woodland creature?

Necric- Ha. This interview is about you, not me.

Eli- I just made it about you. So, are you the I'm-training-behind the-scenes-to-be-a-wrestler type or the I've-never-wrestled-in-my-life-and-I-live-with-my-inlaws type?

Necric- *dirty look* So I understand you're managing to start off?

Eli- Yes. I have full intentions to get in the ring as soon as possible.

Necric- Doesn't it bother you that your opponent would be a man?

Eli- *snatches microphone* Listen up, I don't care who I face, fat, skinny, man or a woman. You can't win 'em all. But I'm going to win as many as I can, and I'm going to push myself to the limit. Any questions?

*pause*

Eli- *smirks* Good. *tosses away mic and walks off*

_________________________________________

Madman - Welcome The Tank back to WWCF!

Dave - He is back!

Madman - And he owes me twelve dollars.

King Of WrestleCrap Tournament First Round Match
The Tank
VS
J is Justice

Both men started strong exchanging blows right from the get go and eventually J is Justice got the better of them and knocked The Tank back into the ropes. J is Justice clotheslines The Tank out of the ring over the top rope. The Tank is frustrated and kicks the guard rail. The Tank gets back up on the ring apron and as J is Justice comes to meet him The Tank gives a big shoulder blow to J is Justice’s stomach and does a sunset flip for a pin but only gets a two count. The Tank continued to punish J is Justice for a few more minutes.

The Tank went for a suplex but J is Justice blocked it and reversed it into his own suplex on The Tank. Both men are down and the ref starts to count. Both men get to their feet and J is Justice pops The Tank in the jaw with a hard right hand and tries to lock on The CLAW but The Tank whacks Justice’s hand away and grabs him and hits a beautiful DDT. The Tank picks up J is Justice and hits The Annihilator(shouten).

Michael Muffer- Here is your winner………………..THE TANK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dave- Well there it is. The Tank makes a successful comeback and is moving on to the second round of the King Of WrestleCrap Tournament.

Madman- You think now is a good time to ask him about that twelve dollars?

Dave- You stay right here.
_________________________________________

*Motor-Colt bumps into Seth backstage.*
Seth: Hey, watch your step
Motor-Colt (in a dark toned voice): Listen Seth... in this tournament, the only possible that we could ever have faced is in the final match... And I don't think you have it in you to make it that far.
Seth: You actually doubt me?
Motor-Colt: How about this... if we can't face eachother in the tournament final at King of WrestleCrap... we simply face eachother one on one at that PPV anyway?
Seth: I have a match to get to..

_________________________________________

King Of WrestleCrap Tournament First Round Match
Seth Drakin
VS
One Doley Nation

Seth showed his mean streak early on, choking Doley in the ropes, stopping long enough to break the 5-count before resuming.

Madman - And Doley goes down like a disgraced cosmonaut!
Dave - Huh?
Madman - Seth is climbing the turnbuckles! He's up high...a million miles below his feet...
Dave - Where is this going?
Madman - A million miles!
Dave - A million miles?
Madman - That's it! Be with you, girl...it's like being low...hey, hey, hey it's like being...
Dave - Seth misses with the elbow drop!
Madman - Like a stone?
Dave - Yeah.

Eventually, Doley mounted his comeback, hitting a series of hard clotheslines, knocking Seth to the arena floor. Doley followed Seth to the outside, where he hit a vicious DDT.

Doley threw Seth back in and went for the cover, earning a 2-count. Doley picked up Seth and went for a gorilla press slam, but Seth’s feet “accidentally” caught the referee in the head knocking him out. As Doley checked on the ref, Seth grabbed his cane and cracked it over Doley’s head, and covered him just as the ref got back up. The ref made the 3-count, awarding the match to Seth Drakin.

Michael Muffer- Here is your winner……………SETH DRAKIN!!!!!

Dave- And there you have it. Next week we will have the rematch of Seth Drakin VS The Tank in the second round of the King Of WrestleCrap Tournament. I’m sure Tank is looking for some revenge after losing in their first match against each other.

Madman- Yeah and the most interesting thing is the Seth Drakin that he will be facing is an all new Seth Drakin so that should add a lot more interesting factors to the match.
_________________________________________

(The Family’s music plays, out walks The Sam to the shock of everyone. The Sam enters the ring carrying a piece of paper and a microphone in hand)
The Sam – Ladies and Gentlemen, My name is The Sam and I have good news and bad news.
First off, Good News, I have been cured. Believe it or not I woke up this morning and was walking all by myself. And not because my lawsuit against the WWCF and Wordlifeecw was thrown out of court, as some of the dirt sheets would have you believe….(shifty eyes)…..but don’t worry Wordlife, I will get my revenge on you, just not today.
Some more Good news, I just got the numbers for the WWCF PPV, Family Reigns, and it seems that Family Reigns has the highest buy rate of any PPV in WWCF history. Because only one man had the mind to save the WWCF PPV scene, and that man, as usual, was me.
And now the bad news, at the Family Reigns PPV, The Family failed to walk out of the PPV without the World and Inter-Forum titles around my….I mean, our waists. But I don’t blame Tyfo or Tromboneman. I blame all of you. I blame the WWCF. I blame Above Average and Milo Duck. The Family should be the winners, but Milo and A.A. cheated, so we will never know.
But I have saved the worst news of all for last. Last week, D-Dave announced that WWCF has hired their first Female wrestler. Now the dames name is Eli. Now, call me old fashion, but, a woman’s place is not in the ring.
There are only 2 places a Woman belongs, in the kitchen and in the bedroom. Not in the ring.
So honey, whatever trailer park you and your dead beat husband and your 15 kids are watching this broadcast in. Just remember, My name is The Sam, and I am a Man, which means I am that much better than you. HA HA HA HA HA!!!!


_________________________________________


King Of WrestleCrap Tournament First Round Match
Stryker
VS
Starshine

Starshine - Wait, wait, wait don't ring the bell yet! I said don't ring it! Okay Stryker, here we are. I guess this must be the stuff nightmares are made out of because I can tell you're just about faint.

*Stryker advances towards Star*

Star - Hey, hey! Easy. I'm not done yet. You don't want to get yourself disqualified before the match even begins now. I thought so. Now I've offered you a favour. Actually "favour" may be too generous a term. We'll just call it an arrangement. Here's how it works, you lay down, and me and Square won't cripple you again for this week. You don't do it and-well firstly you'll still lose. But you'll lose in a much more painful way, and not just in the ring, you'll have to keep both eyes over your shoulder. Make up your mind now.

*Stryker seems hesitant, while urges him to fight*

Star - Don't listen to them, listen to me. I'm the only voice you need to worry about. What do you think will happen if you decide to be brave? Where do you think Square is now? How much do you want to be he's waiting now for the opportunity to finish what he started at 'Family Reigns'? Look... I'm giving you a chance to sleep well tonight. A chance not to worry about your health and safety. I've already heard the rumors of your hospital bills eating away your finances. Think about your future Stryker. Do the right thing!

*Stryker appears conflicted. He looks out to the crowd, and back to Starshine. He slowly begins kneels down.*

Star - Smart move Stryker. I guess you proved me right, no matter where you go, no matter who you face, you'll always be that other guy.

The bell rings and Stryker suddenly launches himself at Starshine knocking him over with a double leg takedown followed by a vicious flurry of palm strikes and elbows. Stryker is a man possessed as he unmercifully beats on his opponent. Starshine rolls out of the ring to escape but is followed by the unrelentless Stryker who quickly catches him and gives him a belly to belly suplex on the floor. Stryker continues to control the match with his stiff, focused attacks. He eventually stops to stare at the entrance ramp where Square, holding the pole is seen making his way down. Starshine takes the opportunity of both the distracted Stryker and ref to low blow his opponent.

Starshine begins working on Stryker's back hitting him with an STO backbreaker, and lungblower, but is unable to keep him down or the count. Meanwhile outside the ring Square continues to taunt and put down Stryker. Starshine signals for the Starshot. Stryker rolls out of it behind Starshine and locks in the sleeper.

Dave - And these two are...Madman? What in the hell are you doing?

*The camera shows Madman with a Tentacle Grape soda*

Madman - I'm getting graped! Tentacle Grape soda!

Dave - How much do they pay you to shill products in the middle of a match?

Madman - Pay? I just wanted a soda, homie.

Square gets on the ring apron, yelling at Stryker and distracting the ref. Stryker drops Starshine and makes his way towards him as Square swings with the pole. Stryker ducks the shot and hits a low drop kick on his shins, knocking him off the apron. He then turns his attention back to Starshine, currently struggling back to his feet. He locks in the sleeper again. Just as Starshine appears to be passing out Square enters the ring and hits Stryker with the pole as the ref calls for the disqualification.

Michael Muffer- Here is your winner as a result of a disqualification…………..STRYKER DARK SILENCE!!!!!!!!

Stryker struggles to his knees but is again knocked down by Square who signals to Starshine. Both pick Stryker up and hit a combo spinebuster-sto backbreaker followed by a double chokebreaker. Starshine locks in the Sharpshooter while Square stomps a mudhole in Strykers head. Square taunts over Stryker and the crowd erupts as MiLo Duck sprints towards the ring. The NAH flee the ring and make their way to the back as a paramedic team with a stretcher make their way out and tend to Stryker.

_________________________________________

*After a commercial break Starshine and Square are in their locker room.*

Starshine- Here it comes, here it comes...

Square and Starshine together- WHAM! *They high 5 and laugh*

*Milo bursts in with a chain wrapped around his fist, looking furious, Square and Starshine recoil back into their seats*

Milo- You think you're so smart, but I tell you both something I know my mind, and I know my teammate *Breathes heavily and laughs slightly maniacally* You aren't as good as you think! I just spoke to Stryker, he's going to be back next week whether he's cleared to or not! And Square...you damn well know Stryker too, and you both know now...soon, you'll get yours!

*MiLo leaves as a concerned Square and Starshine look at each other*

_________________________________________


King Of WrestleCrap Tournament First Round Match
Evil Masked wordlifeecw
VS
M.O.P.

Michael Muffer: The next match is a first round match in the King of Wrestlecrap tournament. There is no time limit to this match, as there must be a winner. Now, in the red corner, he weighs in at 320lbs, stands 6 feet, 6 inches, and hails from a unspecified location in Massachusetts, he is Evil Masked Wordlifeecw!

The arena's lights turn off for a moment, then all turn Crimson. The arena is bathed in it, as a Organ plays. Then, a explosion of Fire erupts from the entrance ramp as Wordlifeecw emerges from the blaze. He slowly walks to the ring, and steps over the Ring, and proceeds to explode the Ring posts, as the red lights turn back to normal.

Micheal Muffer: And his opponent in the Blue corner, he weighs in at 232lbs, stands 6 feet, 1 inch, and is from F****ing, New Jersey, he is M.O.P.!

Gurren Lagan's "Burning Soul" plays the Arena, as M.O.P. briskly walks to the Ring. He does his Turnbuckle/hand gesture dealie. He and Wordlife are checked for weapons, and both are clean. The match then starts.

M.O.P. peppers Wordlifeecw with a flurry of Punches, but Wordlifeecw stops that with a well-timed Throat Thrust. He then throws M.O.P around with an array of Power moves, until M.O.P. ducks a Powerslam attempt, and dropkicks Evil in the knees. M.O.P. then clubs Wordlife in the head with forearms for about a minute, and tries a back mounted Sleeper Hold, which almost chokes Wordlifeecw out until M.O.P.'s body scissors loosens, and proceeds to slip out, and when M.O.P. sits up, and kicks M.O.P. right in the face. The kick breaks and bloodies M.O.P.'s nose, gives him a cut under his eye, bloodies his lip, and knocks him out. The Referee checks on M.O.P., and deems him unable to continue the match.

Michael Muffer- Here is your winner………….EVIL MASKED WORDLIFEECW!!!!!!!!!!!

Madman - Evil really is much more fun with a mask. I think this concealed competitor could find his groove this year!

Dave- You may be right Madman. Evil Masked wordlifeecw has been on a roll.

_________________________________________


GOLDEN MAIN EVENT
Six Man Tag Match
Tyfo(tag Champ), littlenaitch(tag Champ), and grbjazzman(Inter-Forum No. 1 Contender) W/The Sam08
VS
MiLo Duck(World Champ), Above Average(Inter-Forum champ), and General of the Monkey Army(Hardcore Champ)

The six men meet in the center of the ring facing off and Above Average slaps Jazzman. A huge brawl breaks out before only Milo and Tyfo are in the ring as the bell rings. The two of them trade moves until Tyfo hits a low blow behind the refs back. The tag champs take this opportunity to double team with Littlenaitch raining down chops on the world champ. Littlenaitch then tags in jazzman who hit s a big yakuza kick on Milo. He then locks in a chin lock as the crowd comes to life, edging Milo on with multiple quacks as he gets up and slaws jazzman down with a big back suplex. Milo then crawls to his corner and makes the hot take to General of The Monkey Army who cleans house on everyone!

The crowd is wrapped into a tizzy when he sets up Jazzman for the Monkey Paw until Tyfo comes in to save him with a lairet. But as tyfo turns around he is met by a discus punch from Above Average. Average goes to pose to the crowd before littlenaitch slips in and hits him with a low blow.Then as Naitch sets up for the Figure four, Milo comes to life and hits a powerslam on Naitch. But just as Milo is setting up for the Quackerjack, Jazzman comes up from behind him and hits the Takin’ The A Train and goes for the pin for the one two and three!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Michael Muffer- Here are your winners…………….GRBJAZZMAN AND THE SOUTHWEST CONNECTION LITTLENAITCH AND TYFO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*The three men and manager The Sam celebrate the win in the middle of the ring as MiLo, Above Average, and The General make their exit. Littlenaitch grabs a microphone.

littlenaitch- The Sam and Tyfo, I have been pulling for grbjazzman to join The Family for a while now and I think tonight is the night we should make it official after that great victory.

The Southwest Connection and The Sam huddle up with grbjazzman standing off to the side waiting and they argue over whether or not grbjazzman should join The Family. Littlenaitch gets on the mic again.

Littlenaitch- Okay we have come to a decision. Congrats Jazzman, you pass the test!

*Jazzman and Naitch shake hands in the center of the ring. As Jazzman turns to pose to the crowd a sickening thud is heard as Tyfo strikes him on the back with a chair.*

littlenaitch- On second thought, it would be so much sweeter to swerve you!!!

*The tag champs continue to beat jazzman to within an inch of his life until littlenaitch wraps him in the Figure Four. After about a minute a roar of a tiger is heard over the PA as M.O.P. and Metylerca hit the ring to chase the tag champs and The Sam08 off. They help a bloodied and beaten jazzman to his feet and as the camera closes in on him, grbjazzman whispers 'Pride Never Dies' to the camera and walks off with his new found friends M.O.P and Metylerca.*

Dave- I wonder what the connection between M.O.P. and Metylerca helping grbjazzman is. Could this be the start of some new alliance?

Madman- I’m not sure but I think it has something to do with a lion’s pride. And all this time I just thought there was a lion loose somewhere in the arena.

_________________________________________

*We come back from commercial for Dave and Madman to run down the King Of WrestleCrap standings so far to close the show when Evil Masked wordlifeecw comes out unannounced.*

Dave – What an excellent show we had tonight and…wait a minute? What is Evil Masked wordlifeecw doing? He’s standing in the ring, I better have a word with him.
(D-Day Dave gets out from behind the announcer desk and enters the ring with a microphone)
Dave – Wordlife? What is this commotion all about?
Wordlifeecw – I said I’d bring proof, and I did!
Dave – Proof? What proof?
Wordlifeecw – The Sam is a phony! He’s a liar! And I have all the evidence right here! Roll it!
(Footage is shown showing 2 days after Night of the Wrestling Zombies.
The Sam, Tromboneman, Tyfo and Littlenaitch are all at a golf course. The Sam is trying to tee off but keeps missing the ball. He gets angry and smashes the driver on the ground, he hits his foot and starts hoping around while The Family try to calm him down.
Footage then cuts to inside the Golf Club with The Sam carrying drinks to a Table where Trmboneman, Tyfo and Littlenaitch are all sitting.
Footage cuts to the Sam and The Family eating Lobsters and Steaks.
Footage cuts to The Sam writing a check with D-Daves signature forged on the back of it.
Footage shows The Sam dancing around on the table with a drink in one hand throwing fist full’s of cash at people. The Sam then says to no one in particular “IT’S OK! IT’S NOT MY MONEY! IT’S THAT JERK DAVES MONEY! AND YOU KNOW WHAT THE BEST PART IS? HE’LL NEVER FIND OUT! MWA HA HA HA HA!!!”
Footage shows The Sam and The Family tryin to break into a car. As the car alarm goes off The Family jump in and drive away with The Sam vomiting out the window)
(Cut to Dave and Wordlife standing in the ring, Dave is in total shock.
The Sam runs out looking rather sweaty.)
The Sam – HOLD IT! HOLD IT! Dave, I can explain…umm…th-that wasn;t me Dave! That…..umm…that was my twin brother, he’s-he’s always doing that stuff ya know. And umm…I dunno….HOW can you trust him? He broke my neck! I was in the hospital. I have proof.
Wordlife – You mean this proof? (Wordlife whips out some documents) These Medical Certificates are nearly as phony as you Sam. I did the research, there is no doctor by the name of Dr H. Wangman, Dr P. Epper, Dr S. Martens or Dr Seuss in the Parts Unknown hospital. And the Doctor who did attend for The Sam following Night of the Wrestling zombies, said that “The Sam has only minor injuries. He should recover in a matter of days. Although he did ask for an extraordinary amount of Preperation H.”
The Sam - …………THAT’S A LIE!!! Those Doctors are real. I don’t need Preperation H. My ass is fine.
Dave – (looking furious) THE SAM!!!
The Sam – (drops to his knees) no sir, please, I beg of you, don’t fire me. I’ve learned the error of my ways. Look in your heart, you know the right thing to do….
Dave - ……………..YOURRRRRRRRRE FIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRED!!!
(The Sams jaw is hanging wide open, Wordlife suddenly grabs The Sam by the throat, lifts him to his feet and delivers the “Journey to Hell”.)

(The shows ends with The Sam laying unconscious at the feet of Dave and wordlifeecw.)