Monday Niteraw - February 15, 2010
3/5/10
Jesse King - Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Monday NiteRaw! I’m Jesse King!
Tim Hoss - And I’m Gorilla Tim Hoss.
Jesse King - We are one week away from Ernest Goes to Wargames and we have quite a show lined up!
Tim Hoss - The WWCF World Champion Aaron Enigma will join forces with his fellow equalizers, Jonathan Michaels and M.O.P., to take on Heavy Metal Hollywood!
Jesse King - Also, we have the Southwest Connection in action, as they take on Voodoo Champagne.
Tim Hoss - Amigo will be in action against Double H.
Jesse King - And Double H‘s Nightflys partner Fishmonger will battle Xavian Gunn!
Tim Hoss - Also, I understand that we have a special edition of Yellow Jacket‘s Classroom, featuring some mystery guests.
Jesse King - And The Sam is here, and rumor has it he may be making a very important announcement regarding Ernest Goes to Wargames!
Tim Hoss - All that and more… tonight!
"Too black, too strong... Damn Right!"
Bring tha Noise - Public Enemy feat. Anthrax
DR Jackson comes out in his white suit to a chorus of boos, with his Inter-Forum Championship in tow. He plays up acting as if he's their hero. He gets into the ring and grabs a mic and just soaks in all of the crowds hate, with a big smile on his face.
DR Jackson: Ladies and Gentlemen, do you know what the significance of this month is? Do you know what makes February the greatest month of the year despite also being the shortest? A little something that we call Black History Month... A month where all the bigots, facists and racists are more or less forced to sit back and appreciate all the great black people throughout the years... Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, Barack Obama, and most recently with my latest Inter-Forum Championship win, "Damn Right" Jackson!
The crowd boos heavily.
Jesse King: Did he just compare himself to The Doctor, Malcolm X and our President? The audacity!
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Well his success can't be denied...
DR Jackson: The Era of Attitude is apon us, and while the appreciation of those great men lasts till the end of this month, this is only the beginning of mine. I currently over a dozen men fighting eachother, going out of their way simply for an opportunity to face me, the likes of Evil M, Yellow Jacket, The General etc. And on top of that there's still M.O.P., the Hardcore Champion BRB and of course that man in black.. No matter who that is, the Black Dynasty take them all and show them what the Era of Attitude is all about!
Loud "You Suck!" chants litter the arena.
DR Jackson: Now moving on to business, when I won this title it wasn't without controversy. Late into the match there was a pyrotechnical explosion, shortly after that I broke M.O.P. In half to become champion. Now this controversy has lead people to believe a number of asanine things, 1. That me and BRB are conspiring together and 2. That the Black Dynasty couldn't beat M.O.P. all by myself.
Let me set the record straight, 1. I cannot stand BRB and would rather lose the title than ask for his help, and 2. I've beaten M.O.P. before, I tore him apart in that match all by myself. Anyone who can't see that must simply be afraid to accept a man of my... Type to succeed.
In fact, to clear this all up. I've invited BRB down here tonight to give us all his side... BRB get down here!
There is a slight pause, nothing happens...
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Where is he?
DR Jackson: Come on you fat sack of crap! People are waiting... I know you fear me already but don't rip off the fans aswe-
You Asked For It - Mercyful Fate
BRB's music hits and actually gets a positive response from the crowd...
Jesse King: Haha here it is, Jackson... You asked for it!
The music continues but nothing happens... The music eventually comes to a stop. DR Jackson gets a huge grin on his face.
DR Jackson: Just as I thought, BRB you're all talk... for a Hardcore champion you cower at the thought of coming face to face with me... Can't say that I blame you though, I mean the track record is clear-
Days of the Phoenix - AFI
M.O.P.'s music hits and the crowd explodes, DR Jackson has a look of utter disbelief on his face... M.O.P. walks out in a suit.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Oh my god! Listen to the crowd! Business has picked up, I'm not liking DR Jackson's odds now...
Jesse King: Thank god someone has come down to shut him up!
DR Jackson: What the hell do you want M.O.P.? King of Wrestlecrap wasn't enough for ya? You want some more of the Black Dynasty?
M.O.P. shakes his head and with a big smile on his face, points to DR Jackson, signaling him to turn around, the crowd erupt in cheers...
Gorilla Tim Hoss: He's here! He's here!
Jesse King: Boiler Room Brawler is in the house!
DR Jackson turns, coming face to face with BRB. Jackson attempts to take a swing, but BRB blocks it and levels him with his big, massive, pipe wrench. DR Jackson is out.
You Asked For It - Mercyful Fate
BRB's music hits as he stands over DR Jackson, holding his Hardcore Title up high, he then picks up the Inter-Forum Title and gets in M.O.P.'s face. The crowd begin a duel MOP/BRB chant.
Gorilla Tim Hoss: Looks like DR Jackson got alot more than what he bargained for...
Jesse King: Looks like DR Jackson got exactly what he deserved to me!
Gorilla Tim Hoss: No matter how you see it, it's apparent that M.O.P. and BRB see DR Jackson as a common enemy and both still have him in his sights... Things don't bode well for the Inter-Forum Champion...
*Commercial Break:
Taco Bell
Net Flicks
Toyota*
Amigo V. Double H
Michael Muffer: The following match is scheduled for one fall, with a 15 minute time limit. The referee for this match is Lloyd McFloyd.
First, in the Blue corner, from San Paolo, Brazil, he stands 6 feet even and weighs in at 205lbs. A member of the Nightflies, Double H!
*Double H bounces out of the curtain, very excited as usual. He runs to the sing, slides in, and jumps to the center, then walks into the corner*
Michael Muffer: And his opponent. In the Red corner, he stands 6 feet even, and weighs in 214lbs. The first ever, and in his personal words, best WWCF World Heavyweight Champion, Amigo!
*Amigo's music barely starts, as he emerges from under the ring, and slides into the ring, and then......*
Runs to Double H, who is still in the corner, and uses one foot on the rope to deliver a crushing Bom-Ba Ye to him! As the bell ring, Amigo puts his other foot on and jumps off, kneeing Double H in the back of the head. As he falls to all fours, Amigo soccer kicks him square in the forehead. Amigo then flips him over, and does a falling punch to him, landing true. Double H is out of it, and now bloody, never given a chance to defend himself, and now he is seated upright and given a Bom-Ba Ye that knocks him out completely with the 3 count following shortly.
Michael Muffer: Your winner via pinfall, Amigo!
*Amigo is impatient, and backhands McFloyd when he wants to raise his hand. He slides out, and gets a piece of paper from under the ring.
He then kicks Double H's body out the ring, and gets a Mic*
Out of my ring, Jabroni! OK then, Sparks! You keep prattling about a match, well I have here a contact. You come out and sign this, you get it! The catch is, you only have five minutes until I retract it, but with someone so eager for this, that shouldn't be a problem, right? Titantron people, put the clock up!
*A digital clock with the time counted for five minutes pops up*
OK, turn it on!
*It does so. Sparks does not show, a minute or two passes until 2:50 comes up*
Well, we are halfway there, and still no Sparks! Keep it going!
*The clock keeps going, but still no Sparks. Eventually, the clock runs out*
And there we have it. Sparks, this is the third time I went after you with this contract, and the third time you pussed out! You are a coward Sparks, and this is the last time you will snub me! I've been dropped too much to ever want to give you this match, so you go straight to Hell about this from here on out! Peace!
*Leaves amongst a hail of boos*
*Commercial Break:
Best Buy
Tropicana
Snickers*
Tim Hoss - Folks, we‘re back.
Jesse King - And I understand that The Sam has an announcement to make, so let‘s head to the ring!
(we see The Family’s own Littlenaitch, Tyfo and Boiler Room Brawler in the ring with The Sam. They are all wearing suits. The Sam grabs a microphone)
The Sam – For those of you out there who forgot to check WWCF.com for the latest updates, I announced last week that I will not be in the Wargames match due to a concussion. Which led me to announce that the newest member of The Family, Boiler Room Brawler, will take my place.
Brawler takes the mic.
BRB: That's right, the third member of the family is me, BRB!
Shortly after winning the Hardcore Championship about a week ago, The Sam and I had a talk.
I was just about ready to crush his skull with my big, massive, pipe wrench when he brought me to a new understanding.
Was the WWCF not in its golden age when D-Dave ran the company? What on earth is Seth Drakin doing with it now?
The Sam is here to expose Drakin for the slimy, pompous, snake that he really is as he injects his holier-than-thou venom into this company against the fans' wishes.
The Family is off to a good start for Ernest Goes To Wargames but Drakin... you're in for some real trouble when I step into that ring to take on any of your picks!
Consider BRB to be batting with the angels now, fans, because I'm giving The Sam a second chance to redeem himself in my eyes in the face of a greater evil.
Brawler hands the mic back to The Sam.
The Sam - But that leaves the next question. Who is the next man in the Wargames match? And who is the next member of The Family?
When I looked at my team so far. It brings a bit of Nostalgia. Think about it. BRB, he’s like Ole Anderson. A big, rugged, tough S.O.B. who don’t take s*** from anyone. Then there’s Tyfo, who is a lot like Arn Anderson. A reliable, hard working, quick thinking S.O.B. who will “Enforce” our Family. Then you have Littlenaitch, who is kind of like….Paul Roma. And you look at this group and you see the strength, the power, the dominance. But then you realise, where is the flash? Ladies and gentlemen. May I introduce to you. The newest member of The Family and the 4th member of The Sam's Team at Wargames.
…”Champagne” Jay Carroll.
*Panic Switch by the Silversun Pickups begins playing as the crowd begins to gasp. Jay Carroll walks out from behind the curtain, accompanied by 4 models, surveying the crowds reaction. He makes his way down to the ring and shakes the hand of Littlenaitch, Tyfo, and the Boiler Room Brawler, then shakes The Sam's hand as well. Jay Carroll then grabs a microphone and waits for the crowd to grow silent*
Jay: I can tell from your reactions alone, you're already questioning this move. Why would Jay Carroll, the richest man in the WWCF, joinn up with The Family? I'll make this short, and simple. I don't like Seth Drakin. Never have. Didn't like him when he was World Champ and looked down on me then, didn't like him when I had to jump through hoops just to get to his golden boy Jazzman, and I don't like him now, either. Ever since he's gotten the position of CEO around here, he's done nothing but promote his own agendas, no matter what. Because of him, championship belts have been decommissioned, only to be replaced by titles "he" approves of. Certain wrestlers who haven't earned a thing since they've gotten into this company find themselves on the good end of favors, all because they want to do his bidding. I never wanted to work with Mr. Drakin, it was a necessity of survival around here. And now, I have the opportunity to not only be myself, I have the chance to advance myself with the Manager of Champions behind me? This was a no brainer.
As for the fans in attendance here, you all deserve something for coming here week after week, and supporting The Family in our quest to take down Seth Drakin. Ladies, would you do the honors?
*The four ladies that accompanied Jay Carroll out to the ring each pull out handheld devices and aim them at the rafters. As they press the buttons, money begins coming down from the ceiling. The crowd jumps on their feet to grab the money as it comes down*
Never say I didn't do anything for you guys.
The Sam – C’mon gentlemen, lets go buy some gold watches. Jay's buying.
(Suddenly "DOA" by Foo Fighters plays and out comes Jonathan Michaels to a huge ovation. Jonathan storms down to the ring.)
The Sam – Nice to see you Jonathan. What brings you you here to interrupt OUR promo time?
(Jonathan Michaels snatches the microphone away from Sam)
Jonathan Michaels – Whoa, calm down there, Sam, relax a second, take deep breaths, think about Quiznos.
Now I know we've not exactly been best buddies, but I can't help but do the math and it seems to me that you are still one member short.
And it just so happens that I don't have any specific plans for Ernest Goes To WarGames, and it ALSO just so happens that you are going up against our illustrious CEO, Seth Drakin.
Now I don't know if you've noticed, but you and I have a couple things in common, first, we both enjoy a delicious Quizno's sub, but more importantly, we both have had issues with Seth Drakin.
Jonathan motions towards Brawler.
Speaking of which, Brawler, I know the fans have been giving you a hard time, but I just want you to know that I believe the Hardcore Title is in good hands.
But back to the issue at hand, the bottom line is, Sam, I would like to be the final member of your WarGames team.
The Sam – How do I know this isn’t a swerve and that you are really working for Seth?
Jonathan Michaels – Dude, are you serious?
That would be like Conan O'Brien opening for Leno in Vegas.
The Sam – Well, there are no more openings in The Family…
Jonathan Michaels – Seth, I'm past that whole phase, I don't know if you've noticed, but I am an Equalizer, you may have heard of us, there's me, former Inter-Forum champion M.O.P, AND our current World Champion, The Head Detective, Aaron Enigma.
You see, Sam this is about one thing and one thing only.
Despite the fact that I called Seth out of retirement to save the Hardcore Title, I happen to like that little box Naitch has him stuck in, and I want to ensure he stays in it.
So, Sam, do we have an arrangement?
(Jonathan Michaels extends his hand towards Sam. Sam hesitates before grabbing it)
The Sam – Ok Jonathan, you’re the 5th man.
Jesse King - WOW!
Tim Hoss - What a team The Sam has assembled for War Games!
Jesse King - Little Naitch, Tyfo, The Boiler Room Brawler, Jay Carroll, and Jonathan Michaels!
Tim Hoss - War Games already has the potential to be an early match of the year candidate!
Jesse King - We’ll be right back!
*Commercial Break:
Papa Johns
Volvo
Nintendo Wii*
Xavian Gunn V. The Fishmonger
Michael Muffer - The following contest is set for one fall, with a 15 minute time limit.
*Blitzkrieg*
Michael Muffer - Introducing first, from Seattle, Washington, weighing 245 pounds, Xavian Gunn!
- Gunn walks to the ring as his titantron starts to glitch. He slides into the ring as images of his flash violently on the video screen. He poses on the turnbuckle as the crowd boos.
*Salmon Dance*
Michael Muffer - And his opponent, hailing from Brighton, England, but fighting out of Cape Cod, Massachusetts, weighing in at 210 pounds, The Fishmonger!
Fishmonger flops around the ring, then hops up on the apron and pretends to cast off.
Xavian runs up and knee’s Fishmonger in the back, knocking him to the floor! Referee Will Alphonzo admonishes Gunn, who argues with him. With Alphonzo’s attention diverted, The Smokin’ Vokoun runs out and attacks Fishmonger! He grabs him by the back of the neck and throws him into the crowd barrier, then delivers a vicious piledriver on the floor! Vokoun scurries under the ring, as Gunn rolls to the outside and tosses Fishmonger on the ring. Alphonzo signals for the bell and Gunn pulls Fishmonger up and delivers the Juke Joint Jezebel! Cover!
1!
2!
3!
Michael Muffer - Here is your winner, Xavian Gunn!
Alphonzo raises Gunn’s hand, as Vokoun crawls back out from under the ring and once again attacks Fishmonger. He grabs him and hoists him up for a spinebuster, then hit’s a nasty looking DDT! Alphonzo tries to stop him, but Vokoun chases him away, then goes back to Fishmonger, applying the Mandible Claw! Fishmonger convulses on the mat, as Vokoun laughs maniacally, while Gunn just watches on. Double H, still injured from his match earlier, runs out to make the save, but Vokoun locks him in the Mandible Claw as well! Vokoun holds both men down, alternatively screaming and laughing, until Gunn walks over and puts a hand on Vokoun’s shoulder. Vokoun looks up at him, then releases the hold. Alphonzo calls for help in tending to the Nightflys, as Gunn and Vokoun make their way to the back.
Tim Hoss - What was that about that?!
Jesse King - I have no idea Gorilla. Apparently, some sort of alliance has been formed between Xavian Gunn and The Smokin’ Vokoun.
Tim Hoss - If those two are teaming up now, we’re all in big trouble!
Jesse King - We’ll be right back.
*Commercial Break:
KFC
Castrol
wwcfshop.com*
The Southwest Connection V. Voodoo Champagne
Michael Muffer - The following tag team contest is set for one fall, with a 20 minute time limit.
*God‘s Gonna Cut You Down*
Michael Muffer - Introducing first, at a combined weight of 505 pounds, TTS and "Champagne" Jay Carroll, Voodoo Champagne!
Jesse King - Well, the tone of this match has taken an interesting turn, following The Sam’s big announcement earlier tonight.
Tim Hoss - Jay Carroll is now part of The Family. What does that mean for both this match, and for the future of Voodoo Champagne?
*New Blackjacks Theme*
Michael Muffer - And their opponents, being accompanied by The Sam. Weighing in tonight at a total combined weight of 480 pounds, they are the only 3-time WWCF World Tag Team Champions in history, Tyfo and Little Naitch, The Southwest Connection!
Tyfo, Naitch, and Sam make their way to the ring, as Carroll holds the ropes for them. Jay shakes hands with his new stablemates, as TTS looks on, not pleased with this development.
Referee John Creed signals for the bell.
Carroll and Naitch lock up. They exchange holds and maneuvers, including a headlock, hammerlock, Irish whip, leapfrog, arm drag sequence, leading to Carroll covering Naitch!
1!
Kickout!
Both men back up, Naitch shoots in for the leg, Carroll comes down on his back with a double axehandle. Jay pulls Naitch up for a suplex, but he lands on his feet and chop’s Jay! Jay recoils, as Naitch stays on him. He shoots him into the ropes and back body drop’s him to the mat! Jay get’s to his feet, as TTS calls for the tag. Jay obliges and the Voodoo Lawyer enters the match.
TTS charges at Naitch, taking him to the mat and pummeling him with lefts and rights. Naitch instinctively covers up, as the barrage of blows just keeps coming. Creed warns TTS to break.
“1!
2!
3!
4!”
TTS breaks. He pulls Naitch up and slams him to the mat, then goes for a running elbow, only for Naitch to roll out of the way. TTS goes for a second elbow, but again Naitch rolls out of the way and dives into his corner to tag Tyfo! Mr. Money in the Bank enters and nails TTS with punches and kicks, then snap suplex’s him to the mat! Cover!
1!
Kickout!
Tyfo pulls TTS up and delivers a big dropkick to the former Heatz!!1 Champion. He then begins working over the legs, attempting to set up for the Texas Cloverleaf. TTS kicks him away and tags Carroll.
Jay enters and applies a wristlock to Tyfo. Tyfo reverses it, but Jay sweeps out his leg and goes for a jackknife pin!
1!
2!
Kickout!
Both men back up, Tyfo applies a side headlock, but Jay counters it into another pin attempt!
1!
2!
Kickout!
Jay shoots Tyfo into the ropes and back body drop’s him on the way back. He bounces off the ropes himself, but TTS tags himself in. Jay questions his partner who runs in and immediately starts choking Tyfo. Jay pulls him off and asks him what he’s doing. As the two argue, Tyfo tags Naitch. Naitch dropkick’s TTS, as Jay moves just in time! TTS turns around and is caught in a small package!
1!
2!
Kickout!
Jesse King - And here we go! Just like we thought, some communication issues in the Voodoo Champagne camp!
Naitch and Tyfo shoot TTS into the ropes and catch him on the way back with a double flapjack! Jay watches on from the corner, obviously conflicted. Tyfo goes to the middle rope and hit’s the Tumbleweed! Naitch rolls TTS over for the cover!
1!
2!
Jay pulls Naitch off!
Tyfo clubs Jay and the two brawl in the corner, as Naitch throws TTS into the other corner. They go to whip them into each other, but Jay and TTS reverse it! Naitch and Tyfo stop just in time, but as TTS charges, both men move and TTS inadvertently hit’s Jay! Naitch rolls TTS up!
1!
2!
3!
Michael Muffer - Here are your winners, The Southwest Connection!
Tim Hoss - TTS and Jay Carroll suffered a miscommunication, which turned out to be costly for them!
John Creed raises Naitch and Tyfo’s hands, as TTS sits on the mat, livid. The Sam enters to congratulate his team. Jay rolls back in and shakes hands with Tyfo, Naitch, and The Sam. He then walks over to TTS, questioning him about the clothesline, while TTS insists it was an accident. The two eventually shake hands and exit together, as The Family continues to celebrate in the ring.
*Commercial Break:
Pop Tarts
GEICO
Quiznos*
The camera pans over the classroom. We get a close-up of the chalkboard. On the top-left hand sign, we see “Mr. Jacket & Mr. M” written. In the middle of the chalkboard, “Word of the Day: Unity” is written.
Michael Muffer: “Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, please rise and welcome your teachers, Mr. Jacket and Mr. M!”
“Men on the Thunderstruck Mountain” plays over the PA as Evil M and Yellow Jacket walk out in suits. They’re drowned in boos, but they are too excited to notice and/or care. They waste no time getting to the ring/classroom and getting microphones.
Jacket: “Welcome, boys and girls, to your classroom! Please give a warm welcome to your new co-teacher, Mr. M!”
YJ silences, giving M a chance to get a warm welcome. He is instead met with boos. He grunts.
Jacket: “We have a big lesson today, capped off with two tremendous guests. First, let’s start with the word of the day. Mr. M, will do the honors?”
Evil M nods his head and clears his throat.
M: “The word of the day is unity. Merriam-Webster defines unity as “a totality of related parts: an entity that is a complex or systematic whole.” I thought I had a unity with each and every one of you. I thought coming into this ring and giving it my all was a way of gaining a trust in all of you. I thought pouring my blood and heart out just to get a pop was gaining a friendship from all of you. I thought wrong.
None of you gave a damn about me! I bled like a stuck pig night in and night out, hoping to get your respect. Instead, I was met with isolation. When I was in a hospital bed nursing yet another injury, I didn’t get a call or letter wishing me luck. All you people cared about were the stunts, not the stuntman.
One man, however, did care about me. It was this man.”
Evil M points to Yellow Jacket.
M: “When I was in the hospital nursing an injured arm, this man came to visit me. Sure, he was the reason I was in there. But, he did it for my own good. He opened my eyes and made me realize that the hardcore division has done nothing but harm to my career. Despite all of my accomplishments, I was left laying in a hospital bed, wondering if my career was over. Worst of all, I wasn’t getting any support from you ingrates. YJ, however, was there when I needed him.”
Jacket: “I was there for Evil M because I seen a talented man wallowing in a pointless division. I seen a talented man broken down and in need of help. In need of a companion. I helped nurse him back to health and get him back into this ring. In return, he has joined me in my crusade to rid the WWCF of the Hardcore division. Once that’s done, we shall take over the tag team division as well.”
M: “But we’re not here tonight to take out the Hardcore division. We’re here tonight to help a friend. Next week, we will be taking part in the dangerous and destructive WarGames match. Why would high-caliber athletes such as ourselves partake in such a brutal match? To help out our good friend and boss, Mr. Seth Drakin. Currently, he’s embroiled in a feud with a lowlife manager. You know him as TheSam. Since Mr. Drakin has helped us in our crusade against the Hardcore Division, we decided to return the favor and join his team for WarGames.”
Jacket: “We’re not the only two men who are helping out our esteemed boss. Another man has taken it upon himself to stand up for what is right, and he’s bringing along somebody to help out. This man may be brash, but he backs up his claims. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, please welcome our first guest of the evening, Square!”
“I Don’t Care” by Fallout Boy blasts over the PA as Square makes his way to the ring. He enters and is handed a mic.
Jacket: “Welcome to the Classroom, Square!”
Square: “Happy to be here lads.”
Jacket: “Our pleasure. Let’s cut to the chase. We all know the three of us are on Mr. Drakin’s team. What we and the world want to know is, who is your mystery partner?”
Square scans the crowd and nods his head.
Square: Firstly the Revolution of Evolution is not in the War Games match to help Drakin, the only reason why the Human Sun is in this match is to be able to hurt Naitch beyond his wildest dreams for costing the True King his crown.
Now, who is Squares pick? This question has been asked so many times if Her Majesty's Greatest Export was given a nickel, it could afford this one of a kind suit on yours truly. This man is a expert in delivering pain. He can easily be named the best fighter in the history of WWCF. He has a bit of history with both of you. And he is the Human Hate Machine. The 4th member of Team Drakin is...Amigo.
Jacket: "No, no, no, NO! We are not having that degenerate on our team!"
"Unicron Medley" by Vince DiCola hits, as Seth Drakin makes his way out of the back. He has a mic in his hand.
Drakin: "I hate to tell you YJ, but Amigo is indeed on my team."
"Welcome to Hell" by Venom plays over the PA as Amigo walks out from the back with a huge grin on his face. Yellow Jacket, however, has a look of disgust on his.
Drakin: "There is one slot left on Team Drakin. Will you all please rise and welcome the fifth member of Team Drakin...
"Feeling Good" comes on over the PA as Jazzman walks out onto the stage to a chorus of boos. He walks down to the ring and grabs the mic.
Jazzman: Hi everybody, glad to see me? Doesn't it all make sense now? I haven't wrestled a real match in 2 weeks and for good reason. Seth wanted his ace in the hole to be the freshest man in the match. With my skill I know that we will be victorious. Together everyone achieves more... T.E.A.M. Just to be clear guys, this isn't a personal decision, it's a business decision and what's good for business is good for me.
Evil M: "There you are, ladies and gentlemen. Team Drakin!"
Yellow Jacket storms off, mumbling incoherently. Evil M follows him, trying to calm him down. The camera man catches this dialogue.
Jacket: "I don't want that degenerate Amigo on our team."
We can't quite make out what Evil M said, but it sounds as if he told him to do the best with it. Square, Amigo, Jazzman and Drakin all look befuddled, as does the audience.
*Commercial Break:
Taco Bell
Truth
Ernest Goes to War Games preview*
"Hollywood King" Viva Los Bio Dome is making his way out to the ring. He has his crown planted firmly atop his head, and he's waiting patiently for the red carpet to be rolled out for him. As soon as it is finished, he begins a slow walk to the ring. Paparazzi's camera lights are flashing. He finally enters the ring to a chorus of boos spattered with a few cheers.
"Gorilla" Tim Hoss: Here comes King Viva! He's armed with a brand new theme song, Jess! What do you think about it?
Jesse King: Meh. Honestly, that song sucks and I have no doubt in my mind that he uses it as his theme for nothing more than cheap heat.
"Gorilla" Tim Hoss: Yeah, Jess. He's out to get you. Like he needs to pander to the crowd to get cheap heat. Give him some more credit.
Hear Yee, hear yee! The King will now address the crowd, and it shall be within the crowds best interest to take heed to what I have to say.
Tonight, The Hierarchy of Heavy Metal itself, Heavy Metal Hollywood takes on The Equalizers in a six man tag. Myself, Headbanger, and Dave will be showcasing the finest in wrestling against a rag-tag bunch of ass kissers and douchebags. This is the least of my worries, as I am confident in our abilities as a team. Moving right along, then...
In just one short week, I will be facing a worthy adversary in the "Head Detective" Aaron Enigma. For his prized possession and the King's treasure, the World Wrestlecrap Federation Heavyweight Championship, of course.
Over the course of the last couple of weeks, I think it is beyond fair to say that I have gotten the best of the champion. I have kept him on his toes, and his self-professed "Deduction Skills" have not kept him on the right end of a couple of severe beatings. To this I ponder one question. Is he really the "Head Detective" he claims? It looks to me as if he is nothing more than a champion of circumstance, a man who has become an expert in being in the correct location in the correct time.
The King ponders, however, how a man becomes so revered by doing next to nothing to deserve such a stature.
The King removes his crown.
I mean really, ask yourselves, fans. What has he done? He got my right hand man, D-Day Dave, canned as commisioner and owner of the WWCF. But was that really his doing? I don't think so. The writing was on the wall LONG before he stepped in and busted Dave. He just came in and took all the credit. Hell, Dave had been under fire by several different agencies of the government long before Aaron stepped in and used his "deduction skills" to get him fired.
If he was responsible for the firing, why didn't he have any say in who became Commissioner? Since Seth Drakin has become commissioner, Aaron has become the golden child around here. Several main eventers have been shown the door, and he sits on top of this company not because he has earned it (remember, he has had NO prior title reigns.) But simply because backstage, when it's all said and done, he knows exactly what is going on in this organization. Not everything is as simple as it seems, and this bastard Aaron is playing everyone in this crowd and backstage as a fool.
I've got an entire stable of hate on my side. Headbanger Man knows he wouldn't have been held down as long as he was if Aaron didn't bust dave. Koda could even be champion. And finally, D-Day Dave has turned his career around despite being narced on by that Private Dick. My right hand man has had the BOOK thrown at him and still he found a way to rise to the challenge. He is now your World Wrestlecrap Federation Tag Team Champion. Come Sunday, at Ernest Goes to Wargames, not only am I going to strengthen the reign of Heavy Metal Hollywood, but I'm finally going to put Aaron in his place. He'll finally be accepted for what he really is. A filthy rat. The corruption in the WWCF ends with the dawning of a new era. The King Viva era begins. The era begins on February 22nd. Take heed, peasants.
"Gorilla" Tim Hoss: Big words for who I think is going to be our future champion!
Jesse King: If that happens, 'Rilla... I just don't know if I can handle that. I can't even handle him being the number one contender.
"Gorilla" Tim Hoss: We'll be right back after this commercial break with Heavy Metal Express vs. The Equalizers!
*Commercial Break:
Burger King
IKEA
Snapple*
Tim Hoss - And now it’s time for our main event!
Jesse King - Let’s take it to Michael Muffer!
Main Event: The Equalizers V. Heavy Metal Hollywood
The following contest is a 6-man tag team match, scheduled for on fall with a 60 minute time limit!
(Days Of The Phoenix)
Introducing first, from Bergen County, New Jersey, weighing 232 pounds...M.O.P.!
- M.O.P. high fives fans on his way down to the ring, and poses on the turnbuckles.
(DOA)
His partner, from Los Angeles, California, weighing 240 pounds...JONATHAN MICHAELS!
- Michaels joins M.O.P in the ring, and works the crowd.
(Make A Move)
And their partner, currently residing in Chicago, Illinois, weighing 256 pounds - he is the WWCF Heavyweight Champion...."HEAD DETECTIVE" AARON ENIGMA!
- Aaron gives his fedora to a kid at ringside, and then enters the ring. He high-fives his two Equalizer stablemates. He lifts his title high in the air, and then holds him magnifying glass, awaiting their opponents.
(We're Not Gonna Take It)
Introducing their opponents - first, at a combined weight of 498 pounds - they are the WWCF Tag Team Champions Headbanger Man and D-Day Dave...THE HEAVY METAL EXPRESS!
- Headbanger and Dave stroll down to the bottom of the ramp with a couple of groupies in tow, with their belts over their shoulders.
(Paparazzi)
And their tag team partner, from Hollywood, California, weighing 195 pounds - he is the reigning King of Wrestlecrap - "HOLLYWOOD" VIVA LOS BIO DOME!
- Viva walks down the ramp with his crown atop his head, surrounded by women. Heavy Metal Hollywood send their groupies to the back, as the Equalizers meet them outside the ring.
- A pier-6 brawl breaks out all around ringside, as Enigma tackles Viva down and rains down with punches. Michaels and Dave square off, as do Headbanger and M.O.P. Michaels drives Dave head-first into the steel steps, and M.O.P. whips Headbanger into the barricade. The Equalizers then get back into the ring and stand on the turnbuckles, as the crowd cheer wildly. Heavy Metal Hollywood regroup, and the referee finally rings the bell.
"Gorilla" Tim Hoss: Ladies and gentlemen, if what we just saw is any indication, we're in for one hell of a fight here in this main event match!
Jesse King: Oh you got it right, Apeman. These guys are all great wrestlers in their own right, but I'm not expecting much technicality here.
Hoss: This match all stems from what went down two weeks ago, when the #1 contender Viva introduced the Heavy Metal Express as his back-up against the Equalizers. Last week, Aaron and Viva each picked opponents for the other, but they both pulled out a victory, proving the championship pedigree they both possess!
King: Plus, last week the Heavy Metal Express won the Tag Team Titles, and have been partying hard ever since. We'll see if that affects them in this contest. Although I've heard both men can hold their liquor pretty well.
Hoss: Will you stop?
- Aaron Enigma wants to face Viva straight off the bat, but Viva sends Headbanger Man in to start the contest. Both men trade punches, and Enigma gets the better of the exchange. Headbanger reverses a whip into the ropes, but telegraphs a back drop attempt, and receives a knee facebuster. Enigma leapfrogs Headbanger and scores with an armdrag. He hits another one and keeps pressure on the arm of Headbanger.
- Headbanger gets to his feet and lands an elbow to the gut. He knocks Aaron down with a clothesline and then insults the crowd. Aaron surprises him with a schoolboy roll-up!
1...
2...
- Headbanger manages to escape. The pin attempt angers the drummer, who charges at Aaron, but is met with a drop toe hold. Aaron drops an elbow to the back of the head, and then tags in former Hardcore champion Jonathan Michaels. He hits a snap suplex.
1...
Hoss: Aaron displaying that countering ability that has served him so well and is one of many reasons why he sits on top of the WWCF mountain. Now here comes another man who could well be there himself one day - Jonathan Michaels, with a nice suplex there!
- Headbanger kicks out. Michaels lands a few right hands, and ducks a swing from Headbanger before countering with a belly to back suplex. He goes to the top rope and sets up for the moonsault, but Headbanger gets to his feet and clubs him in the back. He puts Michaels in the Tree of Woe position, and lands open shots to the ribs. He slams his adversary down to the mat, and then drags him towards the Heavy Metal Hollywood corner, and tags in D-Day Dave.
Hoss: Michaels with a flurry of offense there, but he appears to have been slowed down for the time being.
King: Now here comes the former CEO, D-Day Dave. Both he and Headbanger Man have history with Jonathan Michaels in the hardcore division, and I doubt any of them have forgotten it.
- Dave comes in with a double axehandle as Headbanger holds Michaels in place, and then scores with a kneedrop. He hits a scoop slam, and then brings "King" Viva into the contest for the first time.
Hoss: Heavy Metal Hollywood displaying good tag team tactics in their first match as a group. Here comes the self-proclaimed "King" of the WWCF, Viva Los Bio Dome.
King: Self-proclaimed? He won the damn tournament. He earned the right to be called "King"!
Hoss: Well, his recent behaviour isn't befitting of a king, I'll say that much.
King: What do you want him to do? Hold a banquet? Behead someone?
- Viva stomps away at Michaels, with a confident smirk on his face. He hits an Irish Uppercut, and then pulls Michaels into a tight side headlock. Michaels fights out and pushes Viva off, and manages to hit a shoulder knockdown! Michaels tries to get to his corner and tag in M.O.P., but Viva cuts him off at the pass with a dropkick to the knee.
Hoss: M.O.P. wants in this one big time, but Viva managed to prevent the tag.
King: Smart tactics. M.O.P. hasn't been in the match yet, and a fresh M.O.P. is always a threat.
- Viva hits a snap DDT, and makes a nonchalant cover.
1...
2...
- Michaels kicks out. Viva picks him up, but Michaels responds with several punches to the midsection, and then a slap to the face! He lines up for the Fade To Black, but Viva ducks it, before dishing out a slap of his own in retaliation, followed by a running lariat, which takes Michaels down again. He nearly goes for the cover, but instead tags Headbanger back into the match.
Hoss: Michaels went for that devastating super kick, but Viva was alert to it and countered. Now be brings Headbanger into the match after that vicious lariat!
King: Lariat-OOOOOOOOOOO is more appropriate, Apeman.
Hoss: Jesse, I'm gonna have you removed in a minute!
- Headbanger hits a snapmare, and grabs a chinlock, while driving the knee into the spine of Michaels. Headbanger does some trash talking as the referee checks on Jonathan. He refuses to submit. Headbanger then drives the knee even harder into the back, continuing the punishment. Enigma and M.O.P. stomp on the apron, and the crowd respond by clapping, trying to will Michaels on.
Hoss: This crowd fully behind the Equalizers here.
King: This crowd needs tranquilizers by the sound of it.
- Eventually Michaels gets to his feet. He elbows Headbanger in the gut, and then hits a huge spinebuster out of nowhere!
Hoss: What a move by Michaels! Can he make the tag now?
Both men crash to the canvas. They crawl to their respective corners. Headbanger reaches Dave and tags him in, but the guitarist can't stop Michaels from tagging in M.O.P.!
Hoss: Yes he can! Here comes M.O.P.!
- M.O.P. absolutely unloads on Dave with right hands. He hits a dropkick followed by a flapjack. Viva tries to interfere, but M.O.P. knocks him out of the ring! The former Inter-Forum champion drives Dave into the mat with a tilt-a-whirl sideslam, and then hits a splash off the top rope!
1...
2...
- Both Headbanger and Viva scramble their way into the ring to break up the pinfall!
Hoss: Boy oh boy, was that close!
King: "Boy oh boy"? I don't think anyone's used that phrase since Buddy Holly!
- Enigma and Michaels re-enter the fray and brawl with Viva and Headbanger. Michaels takes himself and Headbanger out of the ring, and Enigma spears Viva down and lands some right hands. With the referee distracted, Dave picks up the magnifying glass and nails M.O.P. in the head with it as he moves in towards him. Dave crawls into a cover, as the referee eventually turns around and notices it.
1...
2...
- M.O.P. kicks out! Dave is stunned!
Hoss: D-Day Dave tried to steal on there, but M.O.P. miraculously kicks out! He is one tough competitor.
King: That shot with the magnifying glass would've kept a lesser man down, that's for sure. A lesser man like you Tim, for example.
Hoss: One day, I'm gonna kick you so hard in the nuts. I won't tell you when, but when you least expect it, its gonna happen.
- Dave tries to hit the Encore, but M.O.P. rolls through into a victory roll pinning combination!
1...
2...
- Dave kicks out this time. Dave gets in a right hand to the head, and goes for a full nelson, but M.O.P. slips out. Jersey Driver!
1...
2...
- Viva breaks it up at the last possible second!
Hoss: Viva just saved the match-up! It would've been all over for sure!
- Viva baseball slides Enigma out of the ring, and hits M.O.P. with the Purple Sticky Punch! He then goes to the apron, and tags himself in! He makes the cover on M.O.P.
1...
2...
- Enigma comes back into the ring and clubs Viva!
Hoss: Good grief, another save, this time by the Head Detective!
King: This match is so unpredicatable. It could go either way!
- On the outside, Michaels drives Headbanger Man face first into the apron. He goes for a DDT on the floor, but Headbanger reverses it, and hits the Double Bass DDT!
Hoss: Did you see that? Headbanger just took Michaels out of this contest for sure!
- Enigma tags in, and he starts to attack Viva. Viva gets in a eye rake to stop the champion's momentum. He lifts Aaron for the Bio-DOME, but Aaron counters it. He goes for the Brilliant Deduction, but Headbanger grabs his leg from the outside in a desperation move!
Hoss: Headbanger trying to stop Aaron Enigma from hitting the Brilliant Deduction, the move that won him the title!
- Aaron hits a knee to Headbanger's head, which knocks him off the apron! He turns around and is met with a Purple Sticky Punch! Dave runs to the ring and stops M.O.P. from saving Aaron. Viva hits the Bio-DOME this time, and makes the cover!
1...
2...
3!
Here are your winners...HEAVY METAL HOLLYWOOD!
- HMH roll out of the ring and celebrate on the ramp. Michaels and M.O.P. get into the ring to assist Enigma. Viva makes a belt motion towards Enigma, who has an expression of fury on his face.
Hoss: Jesse, the #1 contender has just pinned the WWCF champion here. A huge win for Heavy Metal Hollywood there!
King: That was a hell of a back-and-forth contest for sure, but in the end Viva manages to pull out a hard-fought victory for his team.
Hoss: But not without some help. You gotta believe Aaron would've planted him with the Brilliant Deduction had it not been for Headbanger on the outside.
King: Maybe so, but on this night Viva has sent a big message to the champion.
Hoss: Indeed he has. Folks, we're out of time! Thanks for watching NiteRAW, and be sure to tune in next week, for Ernest Goes to War Games!
Credits: DR Jackson, Amigo, The Sam, The Boiler Room Brawler, Jay Carroll, Jonathan Michaels, M, YellowJacket, Square, Seth Drakin, Jazzman, Viva Los Bio Dome, and Headbanger Man
