Sunday Night Heatz!!1 - August 9, 2009
9/13/09
Welcome to Sunday Night Heatz!!1 I’m Gorilla Tim Hoss and with me, the king of swing, Jesse King!
Gorilla, I am ready to go tonight!
As am I, Jess! We‘ve got some great action ahead for you!
Tonight, Cageking will take on the Champion of Heatz!!1, “Champagne“ Jay Carroll!
The Amazing Brahma Bull meets up with Buck Futter.
And to start us off, Joyful Hate going up against the Deadly and The Sinful!!
Both these teams have been making waves lately, so this should be quite a match!
The Deadly and The Sinful V. Joyful Hate
The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall!
*Smile Like You Mean It*
Introducing first, at a total combined weight of 400 pounds, Square and Relegate Hunter, Joyful Hate!
*Agent of Chaos*
And their opponents, at a total combined weight of 476 pounds, Legion and Koda, The Deadly and The Sinful!
Koda and Square start off, with Square dominating the former Heatz!!1 Champion with a flurry of punches. Square armdrag’s Koda, but Koda immediately springs back to his feet and hit’s a diving clothesline. Koda drops an elbow on Square and follows by locking up the arm. Square fights out of it and slam’s Koda. Cover.
1
Kickout.
Square drags Koda to the corner and tags Hunter in. Hunter fires off a few punches, followed by a dropkick. Cover.
1
Kickout.
Hunter applies a side headlock. Koda shoots Hunter into the ropes, but Hunter fires back with a Thesz press and mounted punches. Hunter runs the ropes and hit’s a shining wizard on Koda. Cover.
1
2
Kickout!
Square tags in and applies an armbar. Koda struggles, but makes it to the ropes. Square whips Koda into the corner and goes for a running clothesline. Koda dodges and Square hit’s the corner, hard. Koda dives to his corner and tags Legion. Legion enters and fires off punches on both Square and Hunter. Legion slam’s Square, and delivers a big boot to Hunter. As Square get’s up, Koda spits his Joker Venom in his face. As Square starts laughing, Legion hoists him up for the Fall From Grace. Koda goes to the top rope and comes off with a flying clothesline on Square! Cover!
1!
2!
3!
Here are your winners, The Deadly and The Sinful!
Legion and Koda continue to dominate the tag team division here, Jess!
They keep this up, and Starshine and Cthulhu might start getting nervous!
Up next folks, Buck Futter takes on The Amazing Brahma Bull!
Buck Futter V. The Amazing Brahma Bull
The following contest is set for one fall, with a 15 minute time limit!
*Cult of Personality*
Introducing first, from Glasgow, Scotland, weighing in at 219 pounds, The Amazing Brahma Bull!
*Walker Texas Ranger theme*
And his opponent, from Dallas, Texas, by way of Tampa, Florida, weighing in at 265 pounds, Buck Futter!
Bull locks up with Futter and goes for a rear waistlock, but it’s blocked. Futter goes a leg sweep, but Bull blocks that. They tie up again, but Bull breaks it. Futter hit’s the ropes, going for a crossbody, but Bull simply catches him and turns it into a fallaway slam. Futter rolls back to his feet and nails Bull with a clothesline. Bull’s back up right away, but Futter drops him with a dropkick. Bull scrambles back up to his feet, but is knocked to the outside by another dropkick. Futter rolls out after Bull, slam’s his head on the ring apron, and then tosses him back in. Futter hoists Bull up and suplexes him. Cover.
1
Kickout.
Buck applies a hammerlock, but Bull breaks free and hiptoss’s Buck. He follows up with an elbow, then a snapmare takeover. Bull locks in a headlock, ramming his knee into Buck’s back to increase the pressure. Buck fights out of it, and back suplexes Bull to the mat. Cover.
1
2
Kickout.
Buck pulls Bull up and goes for a suplex, but Bull reverses it into a suplex of his own. Bull legdrop’s Futter and covers him.
1
2
Kickout.
Bull sends Buck into the ropes and scoop slam’s him. Cover.
1
2
Kickout!
Bull whips Buck into the ropes again, but Buck comes back with a shoulder tackle! Futter fires off some punches, followed by an atomic drop. With Bull reeling, Buck goes for powerbomb, but Bull counters it into a triangle choke! The referee is in perfect position as Buck has no choice but to tap out.
Here is your winner, The Amazing Brahma Bull!
Big win for Brahma Bull tonight, Jess.
Things are looking up for the amazing one, Gorilla!
Well, it’s now time for our main event, Cageking V. “Champagne” Jay Carroll! Let’s go to the ring!
“Champagne” Jay Carroll V. Cageking
The following contest is scheduled for one fall, with a 20 minute time limit!
*Panic Switch*
And his opponent. From Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, weighing in at 215 pounds, he is the WWCF Heatz!!1 Champion, “Champagne” Jay Carroll!
*Jay Carroll walks down the ramp, accompanied by 2 scantily clad women who wave to the crowd and hold his champagne bottles. He makes Michael Muffer hold the ropes open for him and the ladies, and demands the microphone*
You like these lovely women, correct?
*the crowd roars their approval*
Too bad they wouldn't touch any of you sick freaks without a lot of money and a lot more hand sanitizer to follow it!
*the ladies kiss Jay Carroll on both cheeks at the same time*
Thank you ladies. Show these poor fools just who really is in charge around here.
I'm not going to bore you to death bragging about myself. You idiots have eyes, you know I'm undefeated. You see my championship hanging around my waist, although I'm pretty sure you've been looking at my waist since day one! And the thing is, I didn't take the low road, I just beat a bunch of bums fair and square.
*the crowd begins to boo loudly*
Apparently, you idiots aren't used to hearing the truth. Get over yourselves, this championship right here says you're currently watching MY show! That's right, you paid to see me tonight, whether or not you care to admit it. You paid to have me come out here, insult your intelligence, and beat down another one of your heroes. Pathetic. But don't let that stop you from heading to the box office and paying again after tonight's show.
*the crowd begins chanting "Asshole"*
It's always nice to hear which body part of mine you want to see most. You people disgust me! And if I were you, I'd hate me too. Here's a young, rich, talented kid who beats people with no problems, sleeps with women hotter than the ones in you wet dreams, and has the nerve to brag about it too? No wonder why you're all green with envy right now! It's just pathetic, because you paid for this experience. And I'd like to thank every one of you for jam packing yourselves in here and putting up with the fat sweaty person next to you just to see me.
A toast, to you idiots!
*the ladies pour champagne and drink it with Jay as the audience boos and tosses trash into the ring*
*CageKing walks out to the ring, rapping an original piece*
And his opponent, from Los Angles, California, weighing in at 295 pounds, CageKing!
Cageking charges to the ring, sending Carroll scrambling to the outside. Cageking tears off his t-shirt and challenges Carroll to get back in the ring. Carroll slowly walks up the steps, but as Cageking get’s closer, Carroll steps back down. Cageking taunts Carroll, calling him chicken. Carroll starts back up the steps, but Cageking step towards him, causing him to step down again. Cageking motions to the two women who accompanied Carroll to get in the ring. They do and Cageking plants a kiss on one of the girls’ cheek. Carroll looks furious, as Cageking pulls the other girl in close. After taunting Carroll once more, Cageking plants a full liplock on the girl. Carroll charges into the ring, but Cageking drops the girl and meets Carroll with a series of punches. Carroll backs up, but Cageking keeps coming, firing off punch after punch, each one connecting with Carroll’s jaw. Carroll backs up against the ropes and the referee forces Cageking to break. He does, but Carroll jabs him in the eye. With Cageking blinded, Carroll tackles him and starts waling away with punches. Cgeking tries to defend himself, but Carroll starts choking him. The referee begins his count.
1!
2!
3!
4!
Carroll breaks. The Champion steps back to admire his handiwork, and to fix his hair. Carroll picks up Cageking, but is caught in a small package!
1!
2!
Kickout!
Both men are back up, and Cageking clothesline’s Carroll, who rolls to the outside. Carroll grabs his belt, and he and the girls head up the ramp. Cageking rolls out after him, chases him up the ramp, and drags him back to the ring. Cageking hit’s a DDT, and prepares to finish the Champion off. As Carroll get’s to his feet, Cageking goes for the Overnight Celebrity. Carroll blocks it, however, and shoves him back and argues with the referee. Cageking falls against the ropes, and the one of the girls jumps up on the apron and breaks a champagne bottle over Cageking’s head. Carroll quickly hit’s the Hangover. Cover!
1!
2!
3!
Here is your winner, “Champagne” Jay Carroll!
The girls enter to celebrate with Jay, as the referee checks on Cageking.
And yet another underhanded victory by the Heatz!!1 Champion!
Gorilla, a win is a win! It doesn’t matter how he get’s it!
One of these days, Jay Carroll is going to get what’s coming to him, Jess.
Perhaps, but that day is not today!
Well folks, that’s all the time we’ve got tonight. Please remember to join us tomorrow night for NiteRaw. I’m Gorilla Tim Hoss. For Jesse King, goodnight!
Credits: Evil M and Jay Carroll
