Sunday Night Heatz!!1 - September 13, 2009

Heatz!!1 September 13, 2009

Welcome to Sunday Night Heatz!!1 I’m Gorilla Tim Hoss and with me, the untouchable Jesse King!

Gorilla, I can’t wait for things to get started tonight!!!

Me neither Jess! GookerMania II is just 2 weeks away, and for 6 Superstars, the chance of a lifetime, the Money in the Bank on a Pole match!

We have 12 Superstars fighting for 6 spots, and tonight, we‘re gonna see 3 qualifying matches!

That‘s right, and also tonight, the Heatz!!1 Champion “Champagne“ Jay Carroll will take on the Hardcore Champion Jonathan Michaels in our main event!

I’m so excited Gorilla! Let’s get this started already!

Ladies and gentlemen, let‘s go to Michael Muffer for our opening contest!


MitB Qualifying match: Cageking V. Tyfo

The following contest is scheduled for one fall!

*Cageking walks to the ring rapping his theme song*
Introducing first, from Los Angeles, California, weighing in at 295 pounds, CageKing!

*New Blackjacks Theme*
And his opponent, from Dallas, Texas, weighing in at 245 pounds, TYFO!!!

Cageking charges right away at Tyfo and starts firing off punches at the “Corporate MVP”. Tyfo is knocked back and Cageking runs at him, but Tyfo ducks and back body drops him over the top rope! Tyfo follows Cageking to the outside and attacks with kicks to ribs and head. He then pulls Cageking up, only to ram his head into the ringpost! Tyfo then tosses Cageking back in the ring and follows him back in. Cover!

1!
2!
Shoulder up!

Tyfo yanks Cageking up by the hair and delivers a vicious DDT! Cover!

1!
2!
Shoulder barely off the mat!

Tyfo mounts Cageking and repeatedly punches him in the face, then delivers a kneedrop! Cover!

1!
2!
Shoulder up at 2 and 7/8ths!!!

Tyfo is beside himself! He pulls Cageking off the mat once more and tosses him into the corner, then runs at him, hitting the most brutal looking clothesline ever seen! He then props Cageking up again, only to finish him off with the Tumbleweed. Cover, and a

1
2
KICKOUT!!!

How the hell did he kick out of that?!!!

Tyfo pulls Cageking up, but the young Superstar hit’s a barrage of punches on the “Corporate Pain Train”, then follows up with a modified Uranage! Cover!

1!
2!
Kickout!

Cageking hit’s the ropes, going for a knee strike, but Tyfo ducks! Cageking spins around, only to knocked out with a huge lariat! Tyfo goes for the cover!

1!
2!

Tyfo breaks the cover and, with a huge grin on his face, locks on the Texas Cloverleaf. The referee checks on Cageking, sees he’s unconscious, and calls for the bell.

Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this match, and the first man to qualify for the Money in the Bank match, Tyfo!!!

Tyfo making good on his promise to be in a match at GookerMania, and what a match it is, too!

The winner will receive a guaranteed title shot he can use at any time over the next year. We saw how useful this can be a few weeks ago, when Seth Drakin defeated LittleNaitch for the World Championship.

Tyfo is in, but 5 spots remain! Up next, MiLo Duck V. The Boiler Room Brawler!


MitB Qualifying Match: MiLo Duck V. The Boiler Room Brawler

The following contest is set for one fall, with a 15 minute time limit!

*I’m So Bad(Baby I Just Don’t Care *
Introducing first, from Rockford, Illinois, weighing in at 350 pounds, The Boiler Room Brawler!

*Darkwing Duck theme*
And his opponent, from Emmons, Minnesota, weighing in at 250 pounds, MiLo Duck!

The two men lock up in the center with MiLo getting the upper-hand. He locks Brawler in a hammerlock but he quickly breaks it and locks in one of his own. MiLo wraps his arm around Brawler's neck and attempts to flip him over his back. Brawler uses his leverage to prevent this and club MiLo in the back though. Brawler follows up with a headlock. MiLo manages to escape the hold and pushes Brawler into the ropes. Brawler attempts a shoulder block on the rebound but MiLo ducks and hits a dropkick. He goes for the pin.

1...
Brawler easily kicks out.

MiLo goes to pick up Brawler but Brawler grabs his trunks and throws him out of the ring. Brawler smiles maliciously at the crowd before getting out of the ring. He picks up MiLo and slams his back in the ring. He then attempts to hit a vertical suplex on MiLo, but MiLo counters it with his own vertica suplex. The ref begins to count as both men lie outside on the ground.

1...
2...
3...
4...

Both men slowly get to their feet.

5...
6...
7...

MiLo and Brawler both roll into the ring. MiLo gets up only to be hit by a clothesline from Brawler. Brawler then picks him up and hits the vertical suplex he wanted to, transitioning it into a bow and arrow submission. MiLo writhes in the hold trying to get to his feet but Brawler adds more leverage. MiLo manages to get to his feet and turns around. He kicks Brawler in the stomach and hits a quick DDT. He rolls onto Brawler for the pin.

1...
2...
Brawler just kicks out!

MiLo is visibly frustrated by this but makes no move to argue. Instead he lifts up Brawler and attempts to hit the Quackerjack but Brawler stops it, turning it into a big backbreaker. Brawler moves to the top rope to attempt to finish the match. However once he is set up for his move, "Take The Power Back" plays on the speakers. Brawler looks confused and looks around for Aaron Enigma. Distracted by the music he does not notice MiLo sneak up on him. MiLo knocks Brawler off the top ropes and sends him crashing to the ground. MiLo continues to take advantage and quickly goes for a jackknife pin on Brawler.

1...
2...
3!

Here is your winner, MiLo Duck!

MiLo hears the bell ring and rolls out of the ring and away from the wrath of Brawler. Brawler seems enraged and stomps around the ring, starting at MiLo the whole time. Aaron Enigma emerges from under the ring and sneaks in behind Brawler. He waits for Brawler to turn around as the crowd cheers loudly. Brawler senses something is amiss and turns around only to be met by a Reverse Roundhouse Kick from Aaron. Aaron quickly grabs Brawler following the kick and hits a Reverse STO, transitioning into Extreme Interrogation. Brawler shakes in pain and eventually begins to tap but Aaron does not break the hold right away. After holding it a few more moments, Aaron breaks the hold. He pushes Brawler out of the ring and grabs a mic.

You know Brawler, you really shouldn't be so easily distracted. By all rights you had that match won. You just lost focus. I'm here to make a statement, and everyone here just watched it as you tapped out. In two weeks, we'll be facing off in a TLC match for those files you stole from me a while back. However the list of suspects becomes smaller. I hereby announce that YOU Brawler are not the traitor. This of course means that I can freely hate you like I always have and not worry if you are secretly helping my cause. And I think everyone in the crowd loves that fact.

*cheers*

Now tomorrow I have a match against Stryker, and I honestly want you to be there Brawler if you can be. So if you want to, feel free to be a guest commentator on that match. Get a ringside seat to watch what I will do to you in two weeks. Oh yes, and one more thing.

*Aaron gets out of the ring and right in Brawler's face*

THE BATTLE IS MINE! THE WAR IS MINE! THE POWER...IS...MINE!

Well MiLo Duck qualifies for Money in the Bank, upsetting the massive Brawler along the way.

But after Aaron Enigma stuck his nose where it didn’t belong, how’s the Brawler gonna retaliate?!

I don’t know Jess, but perhaps Aaron Enigma should watch his back from now until GookerMania.


MitB Qualifying match: Whitey Fats V. The Headbanger Man


The following contest, scheduled for one fall, is a Money In The Bank qualifying match!

(Wild Child)
Introducing first, from Kent, England and weighing 263 pounds, THE HEADBANGER MAN!

(Simply The Best)
And his opponent, from Starke, Florida and weighing 280 pounds, WHITEY FATS!!

- Both men lock up, and Headbanger applies a standing side headlock. Whitey pushes him off and knocks him down with a block. This happens for a second time. Headbanger slides through the legs of Whitey and charges towards him, but Whitey evades it before clotheslining Headbanger over the top rope. Whitey taunts to the crowd as Headbanger regroups on the outside.

- Headbanger gets back on the apron, and pulls Whitey neck first across the top rope, and then hits a clothesline for the first near-fall, a 1 count. Headbanger hits a scoop slam and a couple of legdrops, but misses with an elbow attempt. Whitey hits a running knee drops, and unloads with punches on Headbanger, before making his first cover of the match, again for 1.

- Whitey scores with two snap suplexes, and then a stalling vertical suplex for 2. Whitey applies a rear chinlock, which Headbanger eventually counters with a jawbreaker. Headbanger hits a few right hands, and whips Whitey into the corner. He charges in, but Whitey gets a boot up, and then hits a huge lariat which sends Headbanger inside out. Whitey motions to the crowd and scales the top turnbuckle - however he misses with a diving knee drop effort. Headbanger tries to capitalise with a pin, but Whitey kicks out at 2.

- Headbanger hits a back elbow, a slam and a reverse DDT. He hits a clotheslne from the top rope for another 2 count. Headbanger gets fired up, and tries for the Holy Driver, but Whitey counters with a jackknife pin, which gets 2.8!

- This angers Headbanger, who takes a wild swing which is ducked by Whitey. Whitey hits a couple of body blows, a kick to the gut and a swift DDT, which results in yet another close near-fall. He scoops up Headbanger for a Burning Hammer, but Headbanger desperately grabs the top rope to try and escape. Eventually Whitey relents, but is caught with a forearm to the face. Headbanger Man then goes for the Double Bass DDT, but this time Whitey gets out of it, before hitting a sitout powerbomb. He crawls over for the cover.
1...
2...

- Kick out by Headbanger! A frustrated Whitey takes Headbanger down with clotheslines and a dragon screw. He sets up Headbanger for the top rope powerbomb, but Headbanger hits a headbutt, followed by a superplex! Headbanger drapes an arm across Whitey.
1...
2...

- 2.9! Headbanger goes back to the top rope for the Blockbuster, but Whitey moves out of the way, and Headbanger lands hard on the canvas! Whitey picks him up, and this time he does hit a Burning Hammer! He covers a prone Headbanger.
1...
2...

- FOOT ON THE BOTTOM ROPE! Whitey is stunned. He argues with the referee. He turns his attention back to Headbanger, but gets rolled into an inside cradle!
1...
2...

- WHITEY KICKS OUT THIS TIME! Unbelievable! Whitey goes for a piledriver, but Headbanger manages to counter it with a back body drop. Whitey runs into a kick to the gut, and this time Headbanger Man hits his piledriver! He hooks the leg.
1...
2...

- 2.9 again! Headbanger pounds the mat in frustration! He whips Whitey into the corner, but misses with a shoulder charge, smacking the ringpost. With the crowd behind him, Whitey delivers a couple of chops, and then sets Headbanger gingerly onto the top rope. He looks like he will go for a superplex, when Headbanger manages to land a punch to the gut, and then comes off with the Blast Beat Bomb! He rolls into a cover.
1...
2...
3!

Here is your winner - THE HEADBANGER MAN!

- The Headbanger Man air drums in triumph, but is visibly exhausted. As Whitey gets to his feet, the crowd cheers in approval for his great effort.

A phenomenal effort by both men, but Headbanger Man had just a little bit more in the tank than Whitey did.

We now know 3 of the 6 entrants in the Money in the Bank match now, Tyfo, MiLo, and Headbanger Man. And we still have 3 more spots left!

And those spots will be filled tomorrow night, but up next, our main event, Jonathan Michaels V. Jay Carroll!


Jonathan Michaels V. “Champagne” Jay Carroll

The following contest is the main event of the evening, and it is set for one fall.

*Panic Switch*
Introducing first. From Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, weighing in at 215 pounds, he is the WWCF Heatz!!1 Champion, “Champagne” Jay Carroll!

Jay enters and grabs the mic.

So, after I spent the last week lobbying to be placed into a Money in The Bank Qualifier match, I finally got my answer from this illustrious World WrestleCrap Federation "booking committee". And the answer is... no.

*the crowd explodes in cheers*

Figures, you assclowns would enjoy that. But, it's ok. Heetz!!1 is still my show, and Money in The Bank Qualifiers be damned, guess who's main eventing? Look around my waist, people. I'm still the sheriff around these parts, and to "appease" me, the wonderful "booking committee" gave me a match tonight with Johnathan Michaels. You know him, he's the idiot that does things like get hit in the head with chairs and launch himself through tables for the enjoyment of everyone who hasn't gone and taken a pissbreak during his "matches". Thanks, "booking committee". You guys couldn't book a hotel room for the weekend, so I'm not surprised that you can't find suitable competition for a champ such as me.

Bring the jobber out, I'm done talking.

*DOA*
And his opponent, from Los Angeles, California, weighing in at 235 pounds, he is the WWCF Hardcore Champion, Jonathan Michaels!

At the bell, Jay taunts Jonathan by comparing the Heatz!!1 belt and the Hardcore belt. Jay kisses the Heatz!!1 belt, then throws the Hardcore belt to the mat and spits on it, before kicking it to the floor. Jay hands the Heatz!!1 belt to Muffer, then turns around, only to be knocked to the mat by Jonathan’s right fist! Jonathan picks Jay up and slams him down to the mat! Cover!

1!
Kickout!

Jay rolls to the outside, but Jonathan follows. He chases Jay around and back in the ring, where Jay meets him with stomps and kicks. The Heatz!!1 Champion comes off the ropes with legdrop across the back of Jonathan’s neck! Cover!

1!
Kickout!

Jay claps on a rear chinlock. Jonathan struggles, but is able to escape the hold by pulling Jay’s hands away and flipping his opponent to the mat. Jay’s back to his feet, but Jonathan meets him with a kick to the midsection, followed by a barrage of punches and then a DDT. Cover!

1!
2!
Kickout!

Jonathan prepares to climb to the top rope, but as he approaches the corner, pyro suddenly shoots from the turnbuckle! Jonathan is blinded by the flash and drops to the mat! Jay quickly crawls over for the cover, but as he does, he sees Evil M approaching the ring. Jay rolls out of the ring, grabs his belt and exits through the crowd, as the referee counts him out. Evil M enters the ring and grabs the dazed Michaels and chokeslam’s him to the mat. He then takes the mic.

Jono, consider this just a taste of what’s to come at GookerMania. *Evil laugh*

Evil then picks up Michaels and delivers the Journey to Hell on the Hardcore Champion, then sets off his pyro before leaving.

Evil M has made a very strong statement. Jonathan Michaels could be in trouble come GookerMania.

Jay Carroll did the smart thing by running away!

Folks, we’re out of time. For Jesse King, I’m Gorilla Tim Hoss. Goodnight.


Credits: Evil M, Aaron Enigma, Headbanger Man, and Jay Carroll